December 31, 2008

Remember, Cardinals... You're Just Borrowing Our Crown.

The Cardinals still have 6500 unsold seats for Saturday's NFC Wild Card Playoff game.

Think about that for a moment. This franchise has not hosted a playoff game since 1947... That's before The Marshall Plan, before the integration of the US military, and before Bobby Orr & Ozzy Osbourne were alive. Yet, they are having a bitch of a time selling the mister-falcon game out.

The Seahawks have hosted eight playoff games in team history... all of them packed to the rafters by the 12th Man. Can you imagine ANY scenario where Seattle would possibly suffer a BLACKED OUT playoff game? I can't.

Pathetic. Almost as pathetic as the team's performance over the second half of the season. Yeah, yeah.. They just beat us. I'll quote W. and Cheney when I reply "So What?" Right now the Hawks are a shell of the team they have been most of this decade, and of the team they will be next year.

In 2009, the natural order of the NFC West will be restored. AZ.. y'all are Denethor to Seattle's Aragon. You're just keeping the throne warm for the inevitable return of the kings.

I will RELISH watching the Falcons blow y'all out of your building Saturday afternoon. Just like Larry Fitzgerald's Baby Mama will, I'd imagine...

December 29, 2008

Mangini Whacked!



MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

When your team is 4-12, it's pretty awesome to know one of your wins led directly to another coach getting shitcanned. It's even better when the coach in question is a whiny little doucher.

NFL Playoff Predictions I Just Pulled Out of My Ass

First Round
Falcons 44, Cardinals 27
Colts 26, Chargers 21
Ravens 17, Dolphins 9
Vikings 24, Eagles 23

Divisional Round
Ravens 20, Titans 17 (OT)
Panthers 35, Vikings 16
Giants 31, Falcons 23
Colts 22, Steelers 19

Conference Championships

Panthers 28, Giants 24
Ravens 26, Colts 23 (OT)

Super Bowl XLIII

Panthers 27, Ravens 20
MVP: DeAngelo Williams

December 28, 2008

2009 Seahawks Opponents Set

Dates will come in April, but we now know Seattle's 2009 opponents:

Home
St. Louis
San Francisco
Arizona
Chicago
Detroit
Jacksonville
Tennessee
Tampa Bay


Away
St. Louis
San Francisco
Arizona
Green Bay
Minnesota
Houston
Indianapolis
Dallas


I'm going to wager we get ZERO Sunday or Monday Night games in '09....

We survived.

Thank God it's over. We've endured one of the 3 or 4 worst seasons in team history and have lived to tell the tale. Aside from last week's magical win inside the Qwest Field snow globe, this season was drably forgettable.

Here's the good news:

-We get the 4th pick in the draft next April

-We still have a bunch of talent on this roster

-We are still in the weakest division in the NFL

-We killed the Jets' season.. I'm still pretty happy about that.

What do you think? What else are you telling yourself as you try to be optimistic about 2009?

December 24, 2008

Merry Xmas, Seahawks Nation!

(I stole that gif from user Brian L. on Field Gulls, but damn, isn't it just too awesome?)

Go Hawks!

Top 10 Seahawks Xmas Present Wins

Admittedly this list is pretty specific... but now that I'm back home in the Tri-Cities, I thought it'd be cool to look at the wins in Seahawks history that made us feel even better than that time we found the Led Zeppelin Box Set under the tree. The rule? The games had to happen between December 18-26th (Woo! Boxing day!).. Enjoy!

10. 12/21/97 Seahawks 38, 49ers 9

The Niners came in with HFA locked up, and treated this like a glorified preseason game. Despite that, this was still a very satisfying win. Warren Moon wrapped up his spectacular 1997 season with four TD passes, including two to Joey Galloway.

9. 12/26/04 Seahawks 24, Cardinals 21

This is what I had to say about it at the time... SA rambled for 154 yards and three TDs, but that '04 squad came perilously close to shitting the bed yet again. It took a 3rd down scramble by Trent Dilfer to ice the victory and clinch a playoff berth for Seattle.

8. 12/21/08 Seahawks 13, Jets 3

Y'all know all about this one... I just want to add this: Mangini is a whiny pussy.

7. 12/20/86 Seahawks 41, Broncos 16

Hey kids! You know how you hate the Steelers now? Back in ye olden days of competing in the AFC West, we hated the Denver Broncos ALMOST as much! In a Super Bowl season for Denver, we sent them to the post-season with their ass smarting from a severe beatdown at the Dome.

6. 12/26/99 Seahawks 23, Chiefs 14

In the final regular season game at the Kingdome, the Hawks momentarily awoke from their 1999 late-season stupor to get the win that would catapult them into postseason play for the first time in 11 years. I was there, and I can tell you the 12th Man had never been louder in a quarter century of playing indoors.

5. 12/24/05 Seahawks 28, Colts 13

My write-up from back then is here... here's my pics from the game.

HFA clinched, and an amazing conclusion to the magical 8-0 Qwest campaign of '05. Who cares that Indy treated this one like a preseason game?

4. 12/18/88 Seahawks 43, Raiders 37

Like the Broncos/Chargers tilt this Sunday Night, the Hawks and Raiders met on the final day of the '88 season to see which mediocre AFC West team would sneak into the postseason tournament.

Despite coming in with a 7-8 record, the Raiders were favored to take this one at home (just like the Chargers are this week)... The Hawks prevailed in a sloppy but entertaining dust-up, cinching the first division title in team history.

3. 12/18/83 Seahawks 24, Patriots 6

My first trip to a Seahawks game, and the first playoff berth in team history was on the line. To my 8-year-old brain, this win was a better gift than the black & white TV I got for my bedroom the year before. I even got to see the great Steve Largent score a touchdown that day. It was pretty sweet, and it helped make me a Seahawks fan for life.

2. 12/24/83 Seahawks 31, Broncos 7

A week later, the Hawks smoked Denver for the first playoff win in franchise history. This one tends to get forgotten a bit given what happened a week later in Miami, but it was still a milestone victory for Seattle pro football.

1. 12/22/84 Seahawks 13, Raiders 7

The only thing better than beating the Broncos in the playoffs? Beating the defending World Champion Raiders, and beating them by physically dominating their preening, fugatz-tough-guy asses. This was Chuck Knox's proudest moment as Seahawks coach.... Ground Chuck reigned supreme, my friends.

December 22, 2008

Payback

As commenter Mind of No Mind pointed out, we finally got a measure of revenge for Vinny Testaverde's Phantom Touchdown yesterday. That awful call a decade ago killed our playoff chances in '98, led to the return of Instant Replay to the NFL, and got Dennis Erickson shitcanned. It is fitting that memorable games against the Jets unofficially represent the beginning and end of the Holmgren Era.

At least we didn't need the help of one of the biggest bullshit calls in NFL history to murder the 2008 Jets, did we?

Lendale White, your next gorging at Black Angus is on me


Big ups to KSK's Captain Caveman or creating that gif... His post about this is right here...

December 21, 2008

Seahawks 13, Jets 3

Project Mayhem and its crew of Space Monkeys finally claimed a victim today, and it was a doozy.

That was one of the most viscerally satisfying regular season wins in team history, instantly vaulting to the top of this list...

Against a team that absolutely had to win in order to keep its playoff hopes reasonably viable, our band of ragamuffins turned in their best performance of the season. The Hawks sent an unreasonably large and loud Qwest Field throng home happy, thanks in part to a couple of typically retarded interceptions from Mr. Wrangler Jeans and a pair of coaching moves from "Mangenius" that made you wonder if he bet against his team Chief Wiggum-style

-Down 10-3 early in the 4th, he passes up a makeable FG try from Jay Feely to... Punt. Was he petrified that Feely might remember what happened to him at Qwest back in 2005? If he had gotten three then, this next move MIGHT have made sense.

-Still down 10-3, late in the 4th... Jets face a 4th down from their own 20. Instead of punting and using their time outs to get the ball back, they go for it and fail, handing Seattle a 13-3 lead late in a game being played in blizzard conditions.

And this guy got a cameo on The Sopranos? Cripes.

Holmgren badly outcoached Mangini today, which should have surprised no one. The fact that Seattle has continued playing this hard long after a playoff trip became impossible is the best example of The Big Show's coaching skill.

There's so much great stuff to plow through here...

-The guys in the Hawks Nest who made the snowman... Classic! Overall the Qwest Field crowd was in top form.

-Seneca was once again mistake free, and made a number of perfect throws, including dropping a beautiful toss to JC for the game's only touchdown.

-The defense hounded Favre all day, and contained the Jets formidable ground game.

-Our makeshift O-line, just one notch above what you'd find in a scab game, played beautifully... they kept Wallace upright and gave MoMo just enough daylight to tear through NYJ's front seven over and over again.

Then, there is the shaaaaaaaameful joy...

-Favre aint goin' to the playoffs... nyah nyah nyah! Even if they beat Miami next Sunday, they'd need Buffalo to defeat New England to make the tournament.. That aint happening, y'all. Sweet. Have fun in Minnesota next year, Brett.

-Arizona, you suck balls. I have no doubt we'll beat them next Sunday in Glendale, and send them to the postseason at 8-8, ready to get wiped out by Atlanta in the Wild Card round.

Finally, if you'd rather have had the higher draft choice than these last two glorious wins... well, I'd have to say good day to you, sir. You're severely missing the point of being a fan.



The Penguin says... Go Hawks!

UPDATE: I almost forgot... This was also glorious, sweet revenge for the playoff loss last January at Favre's hands. Mu-ha-ha-ha!!!!!

December 20, 2008

The Streak Lives!

The weather in both Minneapolis and Seattle for Sunday looks so awful that Northwest let us switch our flights to Tuesday morning for free... Which means we (hopefully) won't get stranded in some airport.

It also means I'll get to watch the Seahawks/Jets tilt on my dish... Hooray!

Time to kill another team's season, y'all!

December 19, 2008

The Streak Ends: October 23, 1983 - December 14, 2008

I've seen the last 423 games the Seahawks have played (I've attended 47 games, and the rest I watched on live TV).

Cal Ripken aint got shit on me, y'all. But just like that streak had to end, so does mine. Our flights to the Tri-Cities for Xmas would only really work out on Sunday, so I'll be in the air while the Seahawks and Jets are hashing things out.

423 games. 215 wins. 208 losses. Every fall weekend over the last 25 years, I've devoted at least three hours to the Seahawks. In that time:


-We've had four different US Presidents.

-The Earth's population increased by 2 billion people.

-Barack Obama graduated from Columbia University in 1983, and rose to the US Presidency while I was inseparably glued to my Seahawks.

-R.E.M. released 14 studio albums

So while I know other people haven't had the opportunity to start or maintain a streak like that, I'm still pretty melancholy about it ending.

By the way... The first person who says "why don't you just tape it?" is going to get my DVR shoved up their corn chute.

It's. Not. The. Same!

Too cheer myself up, here's R.E.M. on Letterman from 1983...

December 17, 2008

The Top 10 Most Underrated Holmgren Moments (1999-2008)

Top 10 Holmgren moments with the Seahawks? Yawn. We all know those by heart. Here's my list of the top 10 underrated, forgotten, "oh, yeaaaah" Holmgren moments:

10. Drafting Darrell Jackson
9. Drafting Rocky Bernard


We tend to focus on the failures Holmgren had running the draft from 1999-2002 (Jerramy Stevens, Koren Robinson, etc), but he also collected a lot of key pieces for our playoff run from 2003-2007. D-Jack and Rocky are just two of the key contributors The walrus drafted.

8. Win at SF to end the 2003 regular season

Needing a win to stay alive for a playoff berth, the Hawks fell behind 14-0 early, but rallied for a season-saving win against former Hawks coach Dennis Erickson. This win vindicated Holmgren's decision to stay in Seattle after being stripped of his GM duties.

7. The MNF win at Green Bay in '99

1999 ended in a horrifying tailspin, but that blowout win at Lambeau said this to the football world: Our talons are sharper than ever! Fear our Osprey wrath!

6. Calling time out in OT during Jay Feely NYG game

Without the ability to challenge, Holmgren called time-out after a Jeremy Shockey catch & fumble in OT. A booth review reversed the catch, costing NYG precious yards of field position before another Feely miss. That's just savvy vet coaching.

5. Calling the deep ball to Seneca Wallace early in the 2005 NFC Championship.

Holmgen's conservative play-calling disappeared early in the NFC Championship, and it paid off. Wallace beat Ken Lucas deep, Hass threw a perfect pass, and Seneca made a spectacular catch. It set the tone for the most perfect day in Seahawks history.

4. Drafting Steve Hutchinson

It wasn't his fault that Hutch walked in 2006, but The Walrus drafted the dude, didn't he? Two years in a row, Holmgren scored big-time on mid-first round picks.

3. Drafting Shaun Alexander

Once again, we never give GMs enough credit when they make the right choice, even if it's obvious. Without Shaun, our Super Bowl trip never happens.

2. Swallowing his pride and giving up his GM duties.

Ever get demoted at your job? It's a pretty sucky feeling (unless you're James T. Kirk, and you hate all that Admiral bullshit anyway). Holmgren could have demanded that he keep his GM position or he was out... but he believed enough in this organization to accept being publicly humbled and focus on what he does best: Coaching.

1. Trading for Matt Hasselbeck

After the disastrous 2000 campaign, The Big Show probably had nightmares involving Jon Kitna throwing interceptions while Holmgren was buck naked, riding a unicorn (hey, dreams are weird). Even after Miami made a strong trade offer to Green Bay for Hass, Holmgren stepped up his offer and got his franchise QB.

December 16, 2008

God Bless You, Captain Caveman

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Here's a taste:

These are the intellectual midgets who will point out that I, as a Seahawks fan, am only bitter because of Super Bowl XL. To which I say, FUCKING GODDAMN RIGHT. And I will be until the day I die. I’m entitled to this bitterness. It’s what Seahawks fans got instead of a victory parade. Because, you know, some fans cheer for teams that DON’T go to the playoffs every year, some fans DON’T bitch about the offensive line’s play when the team is 11-3, and some fans DON’T still bitch about Kordell Stewart a decade later when other fans suffered through Kelly Stouffer at quarterback.

FUCK YOU, Steelers fans. Fuck your shitty city, fuck your shitty field, fuck your excellent football team, and FUCK YOU.

The Holmgren Legacy

Immediately after the 1998 season ended, I remember bounding about my apartment in Bellingham... absolutely, deliriously joyful.

Mike Holmgren was the new Head Coach and GM of the Seattle Seahawks.

Visions of multiple Super Bowls danced in my head. After 10 years of absolute, complete irrelevance in the NFL, the Seahawks were going to be a force to be reckoned with.

If the only standard we use is Lombardi Trophies, The Big Show fell short in Seattle. Plus, from a "glass half full with bitter tears and bile" perspective, The Walrus wasn't a success as a GM, and ended up presiding over a couple of the worst teams in franchise history (2000 and 2008).

However, he broke Seattle out of that pathetic fraternity of cities that have never seen their team go to the Super Bowl. Cleveland, Houston, Jacksonville, New Orleans, Detroit, and Phoenix? Suck. Mah. Ballz.

Plus, by posting 5 division titles, 6 playoff appearances, 4 playoff victories, and an NFC Championship since 1999, he's ensured that only the following teams can talk ANY shit to us (based on recent history).

St. Louis (XXXIV)
Baltimore (XXXV)
New England (3 rings)
Tampa Bay (XXXVII)
Pittsburgh (XL... fuckers)
Indianapolis (XLI)
New York Giants (XLII)

That puts us in the top quarter of the NFL since 1999. Not bad for a team that was at best ignored and at worst a punchline before The Big Show arrived.

Thank you, Mike. You will be missed.

December 15, 2008

RoboCop: Seahawks :: Clarence Boddicker: NYJ



How often does a 3-11 team get to play a game this meaningful?

-The last home game of Mike Holmgren's Seahawks career
-Possibly Holmgren's last game v. Favre (but I wouldn't bet the house on that)
-A chance to kill another team's season.

Seriously. If the Jets lose this game, they aren't going to the playoffs. It'll kill their shot at winning the AFC East (particularly because I see Miami winning @ KC and the Pats taking care of AZ at home), and there's no way the AFC East is going to snag that last wild card slot over Baltimore and/or Indy.

Other than going to the playoffs ourselves, what could be better than sending The Big Show out victorious, gatorade bath and all, in front of a delirious Qwest Field crowd?

It could be better if across the field, Mr. Wrangler Jeans was standing there dumbfounded... knowing his little adventure in NYC was going down in glorious, terrible failure.

Yeah, I'm pretty geeked for this game. How about y'all?

Bonus: an even better (and longer) version of the end of RoboCop:

December 14, 2008

Stupid Seahawks! Don't they know they're supposed to lose?

I mean, we all KNOW that higher draft picks are ALWAYS better than the players picked later on, right? Remember the 1998 draft? Remember how much better Ryan Leaf was than that sixth-round fuckstick Matt Hasselbeck? Since this is so simple and obvious, the Seahawks organization must be staffed by drooling mongoloids! Don't they know it's common practice for teams to intentionally lose all their games once they are out of playoff contention? It's a proven strategy that has always worked, particularly in the era of free agency and the salary cap!

/sarcasm

A controversial call in a big game goes Pittsburgh's way? Shocking!!!



I'll update this as needed, but there's no way that there was indisputable visual evidence to overturn the call on the field: Down inside the 1-yard line, no touchdown.

Welcome to our world, Ravens fans.

Seahawks 23, Rams 20

For the third year in a row, the Rams blew a big lead at home against the Hawks. Even in the midst of our lost 2008, Seattle showed heart, guile and dare I say moxie in coming back to win... Even if it was against the historically fecal '08 Rams.

Some quick facts:

-Our third win ensures that this team won't go down as the worst team in franchise history. 1976 and 1992 will remain the only 2-win campaigns in the annals of Seahawk-dom.

-We're actually 3-2 in our division! We can finish 4-2 with a win at AZ in two weeks.

-We have a better record on the road than at Qwest right now, which just ain't right.

What else?

-Bite shit, Josh Brown.

-Seneca Wallace? I'd like you to stick around as Matt's back-up. 89 rating and no picks? I'll take that.

-Can we please find a way to keep MoMo? Pretty please?

-In 2009, DB and J-Carl are going to be Hass's two favorite targets.. Mark it, dude.

-People like to dump on Babs, but there he is again, taking one to the house. Big Play Babs indeed.

-I heard that folks in Seattle had big probs with the Fox-TV signal. Let me
introduce you to my good, reliable friend NFL Sunday Ticket by DirecTV. Woooo!

In conclusion, I think NYJ is walking into a Admiral Ackbar-level trap next Sunday. Also, the first person who bitches about this hurting our draft position is going to get fucking banned for life from this site.

End of line.

December 13, 2008

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold

Four Seahawk Legends, at the high water mark...

With the news of Walter Jones' microfracture surgery still stinging all of our ears, it's time to admit it: An era is ending in Seattle Seahawks football. I fancy myself an amateur Seahawks Historian, and I think we can clearly divide team history into these eras...

1976-1982: The Expansion Years
1983-1991: The Knox Republic
1992-1998: The Dark Time of Behring
1999-2008: The Holmgren Renaissance
2009-????: ?

I'm not talking doom & gloom here. In today's NFL, we could EASILY be a playoff team again in 2009. Just look at Miami and Atlanta's resurrections this season, for example. However, the team we've grown to know and love is going to be substantially different next year. No Holmgren. Already no SA. Possibly no Walter Jones. Hutch and Mack already long gone.... The era of The Big Show is truly drawing to a close.

These guys never won a ring (even though we all know they got royally screwed out of one), but they brought more joy to The 12th Man than any other group of players in franchise history. Even in this season of pitch black darkness and despair, we should take a moment to thank all of them for these great memories (yes, even The Traitor Steve Hutchinson).

The future is not hopeless, by any means. But the last few years can only be topped by a Lombardi Trophy, no?

Maybe I'm just sentimental, but I still think Hasselbeck can be the one holding that trophy for us in the next few years. He can still play, and will be the only real bridge between the Holmgren and Mora eras.

Your 2008 NFC West: The Worst NFL Division Ever?

Hat tip to the PFR blog...

This will be your prize, Cardinals! Champions of the worst NFL division since the merger. Hooray! If the Cards lose to Minnesota and New England over the next two weeks, they will finish 3-7 outside the division. Have fun getting ass-blasted in the Wild Card game, you burgundy flying rats!

The futility of rooting for your team to lose

The Seahawks are in that spot where a lot of fans are hoping the team loses its last three games in order to secure the best possible draft choice. The reality is that the Hawks are likely to win at least one more game, and could horrify the draft-obsessed part of our fan base by winning the last three games. How, you say?

-STL is simply god awful. They've put up a league worst -225 point differential. That's 127 points worse than Seattle. That's analagous to the gap between the top team (Titans at +148) and the 16th (!) rated team (Bears at +29). Even without Big Walt and a bunch of other guys, the Hawks should roll tomorrow.

-NYJ: How are things on the West Coast for the Jets? Shit-ay.

@ SD? loss by 19
@ OAK? loss by 3
@ SF? loss by 10

Throw in the intangibles of Holmgren's possible final game against Favre, and his certain last home game as Seattle's head man, and you get a great shot for a Seattle victory.

-AZ: Arizona will likely have nothing to play for, and the Hawks COULD be playing for a winning record in the NFC West (wins v. STL and AZ would put the Hawks at 4-2 in divisional play). Another winnable game.

So... Horror! The Hawks could finish 5-11, tumbling down the first-round draft board. We've seen this happen over and over again around the NFL. Why?

Players have no incentive to lay down for the team to get a higher draft pick. They are hoping to keep their own jobs, or at least maximize the chances that they'll get picked up by another squad. In addition, playing half-assed is an excellent way to get greviously injured.

In our specific case, the players are auditioning for Jim Mora, and I'm sure no one wants to be seen as "running for the bus" by the incoming head coach.

So, don't be surprised if the team ends with a flourish... and don't be pissed at them if they do. That's plumb dumb, y'all.

December 12, 2008

I am a bitter, spiteful bastard.

The Seahawks season is deader than Gov. Blago's career, and the Cardinals already have the NFC West crown wrapped up. So why will I be rooting hard for Minnesota and New England to beat the Cards the next two weeks, setting us up for a "big" season finale in Glendale?

I want those little red flying douchers to finish 8-8.

Why do I care? Let me count the ways...

1. The Seahawks at least managed 9-7 each year they've made the playoffs. We never snuck in tainted by utter mediocrity.

2. The hot, sexy Cards, who are SOOOOOOO much better in 2008, went 8-8 last year. If they win the west at 8-8, it will only because the rest of the division suuuuucked, not because they got any better.

3. If they go 8-8 and get plowed in the first round by a team like TB, ATL or Philly, they'll finish with a losing record for the year... Sweeeeeet.

At 8-8, the Cards' NFC West title banner better come with an asterisk.

*Hoo Boy, we actually were just fucking average that year.

So, if we have a chance to make 8-8 happen, I don't care if it costs us a couple of spots in the draft. I'd love to spend the winter reminding AZ "fans" they they barely suck less than we do.

Ha-Ha!

December 11, 2008

In Defense of Mike Holmgren

You've all read about Coach Holmgren's claim that his overtures to delay his retirement were rebuffed by management, and over on Seahawk Addicts there's a healthy debate about whether The Big Show should return, and/or if Ruskell has done him wrong.

My take? Holmgren is clearly a Hall of Fame Coach, the greatest leader in team history. At the same time, 10 seasons is long enough with any franchise for damn near every coach. This team clearly needs a shake-up, and I think Jim Mora is going to be the right change of pace after the Walrus departs.

If he does come back to coaching in 2010, it's way too soon to speculate about where he'd land, other than I don't think he'll end up coaching the Niners.

I do want to point out that the Hawks have played hard week in and week out despite their awful record. Seeing a 2-10 club scratch and claw as hard as the Hawks did last week is a sign of exceptional coaching.

Not that this is a great team, but a few breaks going Seattle's way over the last few months would mean this team is 7-6 instead of 2-11. The Big Show deserves some credit for how these players have continued to fight long after hope for the playoffs has died.

December 8, 2008

$6

That's the current price of a ticket to Sunday's Seahawks/Rams game on stubhub. Even at that price, I still haven't decided if I am going to make that 90-mile trek to the Edward Jones Dome. Here's the pros and cons, in my mind:

PROS:

-Getting to yell at Josh Brown in person again
-Possibly seeing us run our winning streak over STL to EIGHT games
-Being able to say that I saw two of our meager 2008 wins in person
-Going to a Seahawks game. In any year, that's still an awesome thing to do.

CONS:

-If they actually lose, that would be the most humiliating experience I've ever had at a game.
-The EJD has about all the charm and football atmosphere of a TJ Maxx.
-I'd be spending an entire day trekking to see two teams that have combined for FOUR wins this year.

It's a tough call. Is anyone else punishing themselves by seeing this on in person?

December 7, 2008

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!



Why do the losses still hurt this bad when you are 2-11? I feel like my heart has been dug out of my chest with a garden trowel.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

More coherent reactions later, y'all.

December 6, 2008

The World's Tallest Midget

With four games left, I'm already calling it: John Carlson is the Seahawks' 2008 MVP (or, more accurately... LCP: Least Crappy Player). As said perfectly on Seahawks.net:

In the season’s final four games, Carlson needs just 9 receptions, 99 yards and three touchdowns to set franchise highs by a tight end in those categories. Carlson has been one of the lone bright spots on offense this season, leading the team with 38 receptions, 456 yards and 3 touchdowns. If Carlson continues to lead the team in receiving, he’ll be the 1st Seahawks rookie to do so since 1995 (Joey Galloway)
.

JC is going to be an all-pro tight end in this league, and will be a reliable target for Seahawks QBs for the next decade or so. However, being MVP/LCP in one of the worst seasons in franchise history is a sort of dubious honor... Kinda like these "honors"

-First Steelers Fan Able to Read at a High School Level

-Loudest St. Louis Rams Fan

-First Raiders Fan to use Deodorant

-Best Chicago Bears Quarterback Ever

-All-time greatest Chicago/STL/Phoenix/Arizona Cardinals Playoff Victory

-Greatest Minnesota Vikings Super Bowl Performance

-Least Arrogant Redskins Fan

Add more in the comments, y'all!

December 1, 2008

The Worst Seasons in Seahawks History

With the season winding down and the debate already starting about who the Hawks should draft next April, it's time to put this wind-blown hellscape of a season in some perspective. Enjoy!

5. 2004 (9-7)
What the deuce??? A playoff season among the worst in Seahawks history? How? Why???

Just step back and ask yourself this: Has any playoff team traumatized its fans more than the '04 Hawks?

-The collapse v. STL at home, blowing a 27-10 lead late in the 4th quarter.
-The mind-melting 43-39 MNF loss at home to Dallas (Hawks blow a late 39-29 lead)
-The home playoff loss to STL, ending with Bobby Engram's dropped TD pass on 4th down.

There's more, but I don't want to make myself cry. Even the positive memories of 2004 have serious baggage. Michael Boulware's game-winning INT return? That came against the one-win Dolphins. That two-point conversion stop to win the division? That came against a playoff-bound ATL squad sitting most of its starters.

I'm wincing just thinking about 2004. Ick.


4. 1994 (6-10)
There were four 6-10 campaigns to choose from in Seahawks history. Why does this one make the cut?

-The Hawks were forced out of the Kingdome by falling tiles, which gave Behring the pretext he needed to try to bolt for L.A.

-The Hawks teased us fans with a 3-1 start, before going 3-9 over the season's last three months.

Low point of 1994?
A 20-17 OT loss to the previously 0-8 Bengals. At home.

3. 1980 (4-12)
I'm too young to remember this season, but it was bad enough that there was a reference on the TV show Taxi to something being as likely as "Seattle winning the Super Bowl." The Hawks were coming off two 9-7 seasons and looked to be on the verge of big-time success... Cripes, in '79 their expansion brothers in Tampa made it all the way to the NFC Champeenship. Why not us??

The even bigger tease? The team started 4-3 before finishing with NINE losses in a row. Fuck. I'm glad I was only five years old that fall.

Low point of 1980?
Thanksgiving day. Dallas 51, Seahawks 7.

2. 2008 (2-10)
Yeah, this year is already almost at the top, and if we end up 2-14 it'll take the top spot. Why? Simply because of the yawning chasm between expectations and results for this team. I know it seems insane now, but back in August this team looked like a true NFC contender. We can talk all we want about the rash of injuries, but it doesn't make this season any less of a clusterfuck and shitpile sandwich.

Low point of 2008?
As scary as it sounds, we might not have seen it yet. For now I'd pencil in the 44-6 plowing we took @ NYG back in October.

1. 1992 (2-14)

Tom Flores. Dan McGwire. Stan Gelbaugh. Ken Behring. These names send a shudder through the souls of every Seahawks fans who endured that awful autumn of 1992. Not much else can be said about it, other than to note that there seems to be a correlation between winning First-term Democratic Presidential Candidates and AWFUL Seahawks seasons...

1976: Carter wins; Hawks go 2-12
1992: Clinton wins; Hawks go 2-14
2008: Obama wins; Hawks are at 2-10 currently.

Side note: The Seahawks have made the playoffs in 3 seasons where a Republican won the election (1984, 1988 and 2004).

The conclusion is clear: Those damn commie socialist demmycrats are out to destroy the Seahawks!

Low point of 1992?
October 11 @ Dallas (27-0)