The Sprint

I'm not here today to feed you bullshit, wild-eyed optimism. The Seahawks are teetering on the brink of utter, catastrophic collapse. They desperately need key players like Russell Okung, Brandon Mebane, and Matt Hasselbeck back on the field THIS WEEK, and they MUST win one of these next two games on the road. Obviously, there's a lower degree of difficulty to beating the Cardinals than the Super Bowl Champion Saints.

Our lofty dreams of home field advantage and the Super Bowl have dissolved in a 74-10 fortnight of demolition, but that doesn't mean all hope is lost. Seattle is still tied for first in the NFC West at 4-4, and there's no compelling reason to think the Niners, Cardinals or Rams are going to magically conjure up a 5-game winning streak this year. It's going to be a brutal (and ugly) war of attrition in the NFC West the rest of the way, and Seattle's hopes lie primarily on two things happening:

A) That the worst of the injury epidemic is over, and Seattle will get healthier (and better) over the next two months.

B) That Matt Hasselbeck can outplay Derek Anderson and Troy Smith, and at least fight Sam Bradford to a draw at Qwest Field in week 17.

Before we delve into particulars about the Seahawks, let's look at our division foes:

49ers: 2-6 right now; projected final record? 5-11
There's a lot of yapping about the Niners getting back into the divisional race, but can you really see them beating Tampa Bay? Green Bay? San Diego? When they meet the Hawks in week 14, I have them coming in at 4-8.. If Seattle can't beat a 4-8 team regardless of venue, our problems are even deeper than I imagined.

Cardinals: 3-5 right now; projected final record? 7-9
I'd love to give AZ a worse record than this, but look at their schedule- After playing (and losing) to Seattle next week, then likely falling at KC, they get a procession of potentially easy W's: Denver, Carolina, Dallas, etc.

Rams: 4-4 right now; projected final record? 8-8
I think that the Rams will solve their issues on the road to a some degree, but not enough to win at Qwest Field in week 17. I've got them winning games at Denver and Arizona, as well as beating the Chiefs and Niners at their dome. They'll lose to the Niners, Falcons and Saints before the de-facto playoff game at Qwest January 2nd.

Seahawks: 4-4 right now; Projected final record? 8-8, NFC West Champs.
I'm trying my best to not be a raging homer, so I'm not going to predict wins over playoff-caliber teams like the Saints, Chiefs, Falcons or Bucs at this point. I think it's plausible that the Seahawks will improve/get healthy enough to bring down one or more of these teams, but that's an argument for another time.

Right now I have the Seahawks winning divisional games at Arizona and San Fransisco, a home game against Carolina, and of course the finale at Qwest against the Rams.

Why do the Seahawks advance? They'd end up with a better divisional record than STL (It'd be impossible for the Rams to beat or match a 5-1 divisional mark). The skeptics out there probably scoff at the notion we can win at AZ or SF, but these people probably doubt Seattle will win ANY more games this season (so fuck em!). It hasn't been THAT long since the Hawks went to Chicago and knocked off the now-5-3 Bears... Why couldn't we defeat the mediocre-at-best Cards or Niners?

Some of you are groaning at the notion of making the playoffs as an 8-8 division winner.. To you I say: Grow the fuck up. Getting a home playoff game isn't something that should be dismissed lightly... and guess what? Three of the four 8-8 teams to make the playoffs WON A PLAYOFF GAME (04 Rams, 04 Vikings, 08 Chargers).. So I'm not going to let the misplaced pride of some members of our fan base shame me into dismissing the desire for another championship banner hanging from the Qwest Field rafters.

What do you think, sirs?

Giants 41, Seahawks 7

Losses are depressing. Losses like today? They are soul-shaking. They conjure up all sorts of negative memories; A loss as humiliating as today's makes me think back to horrible childhood embarrassments.... The girls who dumped me, that time I had an uncontrollable spasm of farting in gym class after eating a McRib, that girl I dated from the trailer park who gave me head lice... Everything bad feels like it's immediately happening, right now, all over again. This was the kind of loss that makes you think "Why do I do this? Why do I get so emotionally invested in something I cannot control, and about half the time makes me feel like complete, utter dogshit?"

The best thing I can say is: This game is over, and there will still be another game next week (and, thank god, a meaningful game). We just endured the worst Seahawks loss ever at Qwest Field, but we are still here. I'm depressed, borderline despondent, but I'll shake it off to some degree as the week goes on and be right back here ready to watch us take it to Arizona.

I don't really have much to say about today's game. Even fielding a depleted lineup, even against an excellent Giants team, 41-7 at home is inexcusable. The offense is approaching 1992 levels of ineptitude, and is unlikely to be a team strength this year even with healthy personnel. We needed to dominate on special teams and win the turnover battle, and we didn't come close to either goal.

Whitehurst looked OK, but Hasselbeck will surely start next week in Arizona unless he fails his post-concussion tests again this week. As long as the Seahawks are in playoff contention (and yes, they still are), and as long as Matthew is healthy, he needs to start at QB. Presumably, we'll get healthier this week, and field a team that can compete and win next Sunday in Glendale. It's now an 8-game season, and the good news is that we start this season tied for first place in the NFC West.

Looking forward, we have a winnable game against a 3-5 team that is absolutely doomed because of their abysmal quarterback play. Even after the Giants debacle, this game at the Cards is one that we should be able to win. If we are fortunate, we will have players like Hasselbeck, Okung, and Mebane back on the the field, and begin the process of obscuring the painful memories of this awful, endless afternoon of despair.

I'm in a dark, ugly place right now. But I'm still here. I still have faith that the Seahawks can fulfill the promise I saw in them all the way back in April. Their goals are still very much within their grasp, and they still have this Solider of Twelve behind them.

We will survive, and eventually, we will win. *Sigh*

You're Up, Charlie

Charlie Whitehurst will start at QB for the Seahawks this Sunday after Matt Hasselbeck was not physically cleared to play following his concussion in Oakland. This means a number of things:

1. I'll be wearing my bright green Carlson jersey Sunday, since I have a weird aversion to wearing the jersey of an injured player.

2. I don't think this really impacts our chances of winning on Sunday very much; It was going to be up to the defense, special teams and Twelve Army anyway. Whitehurst just needs to avoid turnovers... If he actually jump starts the offense, that's be a HUGE bonus.

3. It's tempting to make the comparison to the switch from Zorn to Krieg in '83. Going into a week 8 home game, Seattle was 4-3, and Zorn wasn't exactly playing at an all-pro level. Krieg replaced Zorn at halftime of that Steelers game, and never looked back, leading Seattle to the playoffs and starting at QB for most of the following decade. While I certainly hope Whitehurst plays that well, the more likely scenario is the return of a healthy Hasselbeck under center for the Arizona game.

4. Offensively, the key is going to be getting the running game going to take pressure off Whitehurst. This is exactly why we traded for Lynch; Hopefully Beast Mode and Young Nastyman combine for 35-40 carries and open up play-action opportunities for Buddy Christ to find BMW and/or Deon deep.

5. As a Hasselbeck loyalist, I'm a bit torn. I'd prefer the Seahawks to win behind a healthy, productive Beck, but more than anything I want to WIN- period. If CW plays great and gives us a better chance to win, I will fully support him being named the starter for the remainder of this season. I'm oddly energized by this move, and I hope the same goes for all the fans at Qwest Sunday. If the offense gets introduced, I hope Charlie draws the biggest cheers- He needs all the help we can give him.

What do you think, sirs?

Why We'll Win

Usually, I'll leave the X's and O's talk to sites like Field Gulls and Hawkblogger, who are both better at the high-end football strategy and statistical stuff. But I'm looking around, and I'm not seeing much in terms of hope for a victory this Sunday. The mighty Giants are rolling into Qwest, and the Seahawks are beat-up, far from full-strength, and coming off an embarrassing blowout road loss.

Sounds like the situation after week 2, doesn't it? Weren't the talented Chargers supposed to truck us? I'm here to tell you the Seahawks will win Sunday, and they will do it much the same way they took down San Diego a few weeks ago. Let's look at some numbers that break in Seattle's FAVOR (feel free to use all this as ammo against the haters this week)

-According to Football Outsider's DVOA rankings, the Seahawks have the best Special Teams unit in the NFL, while New York's is next-to-last. Seattle's win on Sunday will include Jon Ryan pinning the Giants deep, and Leon Washington setting up a short field for Hasselbeck and the offense. It will probably also include multiple long FGs from Mare, and a bushel of touchbacks. A special teams takeaway or touchdown? That could be the clincher for Seattle.

-Speaking of "ball security," only the Panthers and Cardinals have barfed up more turnovers than the 21 the Giants have surrendered. A Seattle win is going to include winning the turnover battle, probably by a +2 or greater margin.

-Under Coughlin, the Giants are 3-3 coming off bye weeks. They are also only 3-4 on the road in the Pacific Time Zone during the Coughlin era. Not exactly fearsome history, huh?

-The biggest thing? Qwest Field. Playing in front of the Twelve Army just makes the Seahawks a smidgen faster, stronger, and BETTER... While making the opposition a bit slower, weaker, and WORSE. The Giants know this well, but I doubt they are going to show up with a solution to the problem this Sunday. A raucous, NFC-Championship type atmosphere will help lead the Seahawks to an upset win.

-Plus, it's a 50/50 proposition that it'll rain... I can't see rain as anything but another advantage for Seattle.

The formula that beat the Chargers can and WILL work to beat the Giants. Go forth and spread the word, minions!

Mark Schlereth is a Piss-Stained, Nine-Year-Old Bully

Anyone with working eyeballs and access to the internet knows this: The Seahawks SUCKED yesterday. There's no other way to spin it. Yup, those Oakland fuckers put the boots to us.. big time.

Still, there's no excuse for an ESPN on-air personality, someone who is ostensibly an OBJECTIVE, PROFESSIONAL JOURNALIST, tweeting this:

markschlereth: Just watched the Raiders crush the Sea Chickens...talk about dominating the LOS!

Sea. Chickens. What... The... FUCK? If you are a Twelve, you know this as common schoolyard taunt flung at us by haters and opposing fans. It is not something that can be taken as anything but a raw, vile insult by a Seahawks fan. It's also childish, immature, and trite.... and it was dug back up by an ESPN personality who, it should be restated, is supposed to be an OBJECTIVE, PROFESSIONAL JOURNALIST. Soooooo... this was my reply:

DKSB17: @markschlereth Sea Chickens? Fuck you, dude. God damn overrated pants-pissing piece of shit.

(Yes, Schlereth admits to intentionally pissing himself during games when he played for the Broncos... Yuk!)

DKSB17: Former Bronco + incompetent ESPN bobblehead @markschlereth just called the #seahawks "Sea Chickens." Join me in telling him to fuck off

As I wrote on twitter, I highly doubt that Schlereth would EVER refer to another NFL team in such starkly negative terms. Can you really see him calling Dallas the Cowgirls? Even with that team at 1-6? Can you see him calling DC's team the Deadskins, even after that debacle in Detroit yesterday? No, you fucking can't.

I can take neglect from ESPN. I can even take criticism after we play like ass. What I can't take is incompetent, overpaid, under-informed bobbleheads going OUT OF THEIR WAY to insult the Seahawks (who, by the way- have a winning record, lead their division, and STILL HAVE A BETTER RECORD THAN OAKLAND!).

More tweets from the asshead:

As a northwest guy we used to call them the Sea Chickens all the time! Wasn't supposed to be disrespectful but they did get trucked!

Seahawks fan, do you want to talk trash? Bring it

@DKSB17 boohoo!

Let's unpack this: No, you moron... It's not OK for you to call the Seahawks the Sea Chickens just because you are a "Northwest Guy." (side note: he grew up in Alaska and went to college in Idaho... no disrespect to Twelves in either state, but the fucker isn't even from Washington state.) In some ways, it's WORSE. That means you just remind me of every piece of shit who taunted me after Seahawks losses in grade school. Yup, that's your level of discourse: Grade school dipshit.

Since when is it acceptable for an OBJECTIVE, PROFESSIONAL JOURNALIST to "talk trash" to viewers/fans/possible sources of ESPN revenue? Also, his witty retort to me? Nothing but class, professionalism, and wit.

I hope that unhousebroken shitheel reads this. You are an embarrassment to ESPN and to your whole profession. I sincerely hope you get fired and end up in some backwater doing shitty day-time sports talk radio to eke out a living.

Fuck you very much.

If y'all want to put some pressure on him, markschlereth is his twitter account, and you can email ESPN's ombudsman here.