Seahawks 29, Niners 3

Let's say for the sake of argument that you were on a Breaking Bad binge last night, and you forgot the Seahawks were playing on Sunday Night Football. Imagine that I gave you the following information about the game:

• We took the field missing multiple key contributors, including Brandon Browner, Chis Clemons and Bruce Irvin. 
• Russell Wilson's QB rating was 63.9, and he was only 8-for-19 for 142 with an interception. 
• Our leading receiver? Marshawn Lynch. 
• The Seahawks accumulated on 290 yards of offense, and were only 5-for-16 on 3rd down conversions. 
• Russell Okung got hurt and was unavailable for the vast majority of the game. 
• Seattle committed 10 penalties, which cost us 84 yards of field position and sabotaged multiple promising scoring drives. 
• The final score was 29-3. 

You'd rightfully jump to the conclusion that San Francisco won the game, leaving the Seahawks and the Twelve Army to pick through the debris to find ANYTHING positive to take from such a crushing loss to our most hated rivals (We have Jacksonville at home next week? That'd be about it). We'd be left HOPING to get revenge at the Stick in December, and wishing that through some spasm of ineptitude the Niners barfed up their decisive advantage in the NFC West race. 

Nope. It was the Seahawks who administered this humiliating thrashing. Colin Kaepernick, darling of the national press, anointed for greatness by Jaworski, had ANOTHER atrocious evening at Seahawks Stadium, leaving him without excuses to lavish self-love upon his biceps. Frank Gore, who once provided a steady stream of nightmare fuel to faithful Twelves, was rendered irrelevant. Anquan Boldin, who ran through Green Bay defenders last week as if they were dandelions sprouting from the Candlestick Park turf, had one catch for seven yards... in garbage time. Seattle forced five Niner turnovers, and the defending NFC Champs started losing their cool in a manner not seen since the darkest days of Mike Singletary's reign. The mighty Niners have now lost their last two games at Seahawks Stadium by an aggregate score of 71-16. Against the rest of the NFL, they look like Champions. Against us? They're just a collection of posturing chumps. 

Marshawn Lynch has become the eater of Forty-Niner souls. He BARELY (by 2 yards) missed out on another 100-yard rushing day against SF, but his three TDs (and spectacular trolling of the Niners after TD #2) earned him offensive MVP honors in my book. For the second week in a row, Russell Wilson settled down after a bracingly shaky start (that shower he took during the lightning stoppage will become another chapter in his growing legend). There may be a temptation to worry about the performance of Seattle's offense, but putting up 29 points against the best defense in the league (outside the State of Washington) is nothing to be ashamed of. 

Our defense has been nothing less than magnificent over the season's first fortnight, allowing only 10 points over two games while breaking the will of both opponents. Richard Sherman deserves special recognition for erasing Boldin, hauling in an interception, and even lowering the boom on a hapless SF wideout with a perfect, explosive tackle late in the game. Walter Thurmond III, Cliff Avril and Michael Bennett also stood out, but it took a total team effort to snuff out one of the NFL's elite offensive attacks. This defense, especially at home in Seahawks Stadium, is positively terrifying right now. 

Sadly I wasn't at the game last night, but by all accounts it was the Twelve Army's finest hour since the 2005 NFC Championship Game. Breaking the Guinness World Record for crowd noise is an impressive feat, but pushing the Seahawks to a 10-0 home record is the accomplishment most hoarse, sore-throated Twelves are really yearning for. No NFL team's home-field advantage comes close to matching Seattle's, and if the Hawks secure the NFC's top seed it's hard to see how us Twelves would ALLOW them to fall short of a trip to Super Bowl XLVIII. 

Today, it's the Niners who are left wondering how they can regain leverage in this rivalry. Unfortunately, last night's game tipped the NFC West's balance of power north towards South Alaska. 49ers fans can polish those increasingly ancient Lombardi Trophies as much as they want. They should take as much comfort as possible in past glory, because the future belongs to the Seahawks.

What do you think, sirs?