May 31, 2009

Do it, Rams! PLEEEEASE Do it!

Let face it: Our hatred of the Rams has waned since 2004. Winning eight in a row against a shitty team tends to make them fade as a rival, unfortunately. We may soon feel that old hatred growing within us again, however. According to Michael Lombardi at the National Football Post, STL is taking a serious look at signing Ron Mexico himself.

Oooooooh that would be awesome. Imagine if he was on the roster for kickoff weekend. At Qwest Field. In dog-loving Seattle. The only annoying part would be fighting through the PETA protesters outside the stadium. Other than that, I'd love to see the Hawks get the first shot at maiming Mike Vick on the gridiron.

May 30, 2009

May 29, 2009

F@*k it. If this is for real, I'm gonna buy one.

Seahawks Draft Blog caught more possible evidence of a neon green alternate jersey... I initially hated the notion of this happening, but since everyone seems to hate it so much, I'm starting to warm up to the idea.

In other news, the Niners (and maybe the Raiders too) might be moving to Santa Clara, which is about an hour away from San Francisco.

Not that I really care, but this strikes me as lame. I know I'd hate it if the Hawks moved to Spanaway, Arlington or Hyak, and I live 2100 miles away.

Power Rankings are for Douchers. Here's what will happen in the NFC in 2009.

Everyone's "power rankings" are getting a lot of play during the NFL's excruciating downtime right now, but they're weak sauce, baby. Yeah, I've dabbled in these things before (good call on the Hawks at #3 before last season, huh?), but it takes almost no thought at all, and means next to nothing. Power rankings almost never take the schedule into account, for one thing...

So, here we go. I'll do this again before kickoff weekend, but here's a rough draft of what will happen in the NFL next season based on LOOKING AT EVERY SINGLE GAME of the 2009 regular season schedule.

Yes, I have no life. Today, the NFC. The AFC will be our next segment.

NFC West
Seahawks 10-6
Cardinals 9-7
49ers 6-10
Rams 2-14

NFC North
Vikings 9-7
Bears 8-8
Packers 7-9
Lions 2-14

NFC South
Saints 11-5
Falcons 10-6

Panthers 5-11
Bucs 4-12

NFC East
Eagles 11-5
Giants 10-6

Cowboys 9-7
Redskins 8-8

NFC Playoffs
1st Round: Vikings 24, Giants 23; Seahawks 31, Falcons 19
Divisional: Seahawks 26, Saints 20 (OT); Eagles 38, Vikings 10
NFC Championship: Eagles 17, Seahawks 14

What do you think, sirs?

May 24, 2009


First of all, big ups to my friend KT for whipping up that photoshopped masterpiece...

A very common theme in off-season coverage of the Seahawks has been "they have a shot if Matt Hasselbeck can stay healthy." Coming off a 4-12 season where Hasselbeck missed nine games, and pretty much played like ass when he was "healthy," this is a reasonable position to take.

I have to believe in Matt Hasselbeck, and it's not just because the team's fate seems to hinge on him being healthy and playing like an all-pro. On a personal level, I'm only a few months older than Beck, and I hate to think of a 33 or 34-year old being "washed up." I am starting to see those effects of aging on myself... that little patch of white in my beard, my declining skill at video games, etc. I need to have faith that he's got something left to contribute, that a dork who watches cartoons with his kids and roots for the Red Sox can lead the Seahawks on another Super Bowl run.

Simply put, I see a lot of myself in Hasselbeck, and I desperately want to see him gain redemption after last season's debacle. I'll be at Qwest on September 13, and I'll be in my Hasselbeck jersey.. no doubt about that.

May 22, 2009

Have a fun and safe Memorial Day Weekend, y'all

We're off to Toledo, Ohio for the holiday weekend, then I have a job interview in Columbus next week... If anything important or interesting comes up, I'll be posting when I get the chance.

Stay safe and tip your caps to our vets, y'all.

May 20, 2009

The Simplest Reason Vick Will Never Play in Seattle...

Seattle LOVES dogs. This article deals with Seattle's dog obsession, but here are the highlights:

-There are 150,000 dogs in Seattle, compared to only 90,000 children

-Seattle is rated as the 5th most dog-friendly city in the US, according to

-1 in 3 Seattle households have dogs as pets.

How much of a PR hit would the Seahawks organization take if it signed a guy who not only financed a multi-state dog-fighting operation, but also personally took part in the brutal killings of dogs? How many season ticket packages would be canceled? For what? For a guy who wouldn't even be our starting quarterback?

Yeah. Not going to happen. No chance in hell.

Rant: Why would ANY team want Mike Vick?

The blinding idiocy of John Clayton's suggestion that the Seahawks may be interested in Michael Vick can be dismissed without further comment.

The more interesting question is this: Why would ANY team want Michael Vick?

I've got no problem with Vick's reinstatement, but I also have a hard time fathoming why any team would be interested in this schmuck. On top of the maelstrom of bad publicity signing Vick would bring, on top of the negative reaction of your fan base, there's another very compelling argument against signing Vick...

He's a pretty average quarterback.

It would be one thing if this was Joe Montana stepping out of jail at age 29; then maybe I could see a team taking a chance on the guy. There was a time when his natural athletic ability made him a unique threat, but does anyone really think that it'll be 2004-vintage Vick out on the field this fall? This is a guy who has absorbed 187 sacks over his career, and is coming off two entire seasons of inactivity.

If you strip away the superlative skills as a runner, Vick is nothing special as a QB, with a 75.7 career passer rating. That sandwiches him between Stan Humphries and Wade Wilson on the all-time list. Not exactly impressive, huh?

You might say a team could take him on as a "wildcat" threat, but does the risk/reward equation work out for any NFL team at this point? For a team to take a chance on Vick, he'd have to be the last, key piece to the championship puzzle. There's nothing about him as a person or as a player that fits that description.

Have fun in the UFL, Mike.

May 19, 2009

Off Topic: Ten Years Ago, George Lucas Ruined Star Wars

Remember how goddamned cool you thought that was? Don't try to lie and say you didn't have high expectations for the first Star Wars prequel after seeing that shit in late 1998. Back then, I was in full-on obsession mode about A NEW STAR WARS MOVIE! OUR Star Wars movie! Woooo! I was 24, and wrapping up my graduate studies at Western. In my apartment above the old 3B Tavern in downtown Bellingham, the walls were festooned with posters for a MOVIE I HADN'T FUCKING SEEN YET!

This was before the days of fandango, etc... So we got in line at 6 am to buy tickets to the first Midnight showing at Bellis Fair Mall. At just after 1 pm, a few hundred lucky nerds (myself included) snagged tickets to what was supposed to be the cinematic event of our lifetimes.

I vividly remember the carnival-like atmosphere in the theater; tons of people dressed up (including people dressed up like Darth Maul... Cripes, you haven't seen the movie. What if you don't like that character?), lightsabre fights in the aisles, etc. When the movie started, the opening blast of John Williams' score got a roar of approval worthy of a goal line stand at the old Kingdome... It was all down hill from there.

I'm not going to bullshit y'all. I didn't realize the movie sucked at first. I was on such a high from seeing a NEW STAR WARS movie that it wasn't until about half-way through the 3rd time I saw it in the theater that it dawned on me that "hey... this kinda sucks."

Yeah, the big lightsabre fight at the end was sweet, and the podrace was somewhat entertaining, but that was about it. I was still there on opening day for Episodes II and III, and while both had their moments (I honestly think Revenge of the Sith was an above average film overall), the whole prequel enterprise was a crushing let down.

I plan to get my son into Star Wars, but only the right way: He's going to watch Star Wars, Empire and Jedi loooong before I let him gaze upon the prequels... and they're going to be the theatrical versions, y'all.

I guess I should somehow link this back to football: Maybe this is a cautionary tale about holding on too long. How much greater would George Lucas' reputation be if he had just never made these three films? Brett Favre (and maybe even Mike Holmgren) might want to take this lesson to heart: It's better to quit too early than get fired too late.

I'll leave you with Patton Oswalt's hilarious anti-Prequels rant:

May 18, 2009

James Harrison: Steeler. Idiot.

Steelers linebacker James Harrison isn't joining his Pittsburgh teammates when they visit the White House. Is it because of his principled stand against abortion rights? Gay marriage? Progressive taxation? As a flaming lib-rul, I'd disagree with those stances, but I'd respect his adherence to his convictions. God knows, I didn't have any problem when liberal athletes snubbed George W. Bush.

No. He's skipping the trip because Obama would have invited the Arizona Cardinals if they had won XLIII. Here's the direct quote:

This is how I feel -- if you want to see the Pittsburgh Steelers, invite us when we don't win the Super Bowl. As far as I'm concerned, [Obama] would've invited Arizona if they had won.

That's stupidity so powerful, so concentrated, that only the following video clip is an appropriate response:

Yes, James... That's how it works. The team that wins the Super Bowl gets invited to the White House. The team that loses... wait for it.... DOESN'T (or did I miss those four consecutive trips the Buffalo Bills made to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave as AFC Champs?).

This would be equivalent to someone telling their fiance, "you know, if we hadn't fallen in love, you wouldn't be marrying me!" and then failing to show up for the wedding ceremony because of that fact.

Jesus. Is the guy EATING coal?

May 17, 2009

Off Topic: 29 Years Ago Today

May 18, 1980 is one of my earliest extremely vivid memories. I was only 5 years old at the time, but I clearly remember the sky becoming pitch black in the middle of the day. We were living in Richland, about 200 miles from the eruption of Mt. St. Helens, and by noon it was as dark as a moonless midnight, with hot ash falling from the sky.

I was freaked out enough by that alone, but it was a Sunday, and after just having come from church my Mom went into complete meltdown mode. She was convinced that this was a sign of Armageddon, and that we should prepare for the Rapture, which was surely imminent. Thankfully she was wrong on that count, but the following days and weeks were still surreal... People walked around wearing surgical masks, and the shoveling of ash like it was snow was a common sight.

Perhaps physically and psychologically effected by the eruption, the Seahawks went 4-12 that fall*.

What are your memories of 5/18/80, fellow old crusty bastards?

*team might have just plain sucked anyway.

Most Valuable Seahawks

As part of my Ranking the Squads project, I named a team MVP (or co-MVPs) for each season. Here's a list of those MVPs, ranked by number of years they were Seattle's Most Valuable Player (IMHO)...

-Steve Largent (1978, 1979, 1980, 1981, 1985)
-Matt Hasselbeck (2002, 2003, 2005, 2007)
-Shaun Alexander (2001, 2004, 2005)
-John L. Williams (1988, 1990, 1991)
-Kenny Easley (1982, 1984)
-Cortez Kennedy (1992, 1999)
-Curt Warner (1983, 1986)
-Chris Warren (1994, 1995)
-Chad Brown (1998)
-Josh Brown (2006)
-John Carlson (2008)
-Walter Jones (2005)
-Dave Krieg (1984)
-Warren Moon (1997)
-Rufus Porter (1989)
-Eugene Robinson (1993)
-Michael Sinclair (1996)
-Sherman Smith (1977)
-Ricky Watters (2000)
-Fredd Young (1987)
-Jim Zorn (1976)

May 15, 2009

Yes, I'm a Red Sox fan. What of it?

It's quickly becoming an annual tradition here at DKSB: When the Red Sox come to Seattle, I have to explain/defend my loyalty to the Boston nine. Since I've pretty much said it all before, here's the pertinent links:

Double Agents Among Us!

Coming Home as the Enemy

The Folly of Geographical Determinism

The Perils of Dual Fandom

Anyone else a Seahawks fan & a Red Sox fan? Anyone else root for the Seahawks & another non-Northwest team? Discuss!

May 14, 2009

1999 shirt or 2009 shirt?

Which shirt is ten years old and which is brand new?

Not like there's a bunch of suspense here, but (drum roll)...


What can I say? I like those retro shirts... I'd rather they weren't all fake "distressed," but I still think they're pretty sweet.

I got the shirt from the first picture up top in 1999, and it's not long for this world, given that it's got more holes than Arnie's leather jacket in T2...

So what do y'all think of the throwback stuff? So good or no good?

May 12, 2009

Remember: Holmgren is made of WIN

One thing I really hate is needless revisionist history. For example, tons of the media stories about the upcoming Terminator Salvation include, on some level, major dissage of Terminator 3. I for one LIKED T3 (so did most critics), and I think a lot of people slagging on the film now probably liked it back when it was in theaters.

Now there's a non-trivial number of Seahawks fans out there crapping on the Holmgren legacy in an almost pre-emptive way, in case he ends up coaching against us in DC, Dallas or SF. You're hearing bitching about his clock management... his unimaginative play-calling... his poor record as a GM, and so on. I'd be the first to agree it was probably time for The Big Show to move on; more than a decade coaching an NFL team is almost always too much. However, let's not let that fact obscure what he accomplished from 1999-2007... As I said last December in this space:

He broke Seattle out of that pathetic fraternity of cities that have never seen their team go to the Super Bowl. Cleveland, Houston, Jacksonville, New Orleans, Detroit, and Phoenix? Suck. Mah. Ballz.

Plus, by posting 5 division titles, 6 playoff appearances, 4 playoff victories, and an NFC Championship since 1999, he's ensured that only the following teams can talk ANY shit to us (based on recent history).

St. Louis (XXXIV)
Baltimore (XXXV)
New England (3 rings)
Tampa Bay (XXXVII)
Pittsburgh (XL... fuckers)
Indianapolis (XLI)
New York Giants (XLII)

That puts us in the top quarter of the NFL since 1999. Not bad for a team that was at best ignored and at worst a punchline before The Big Show arrived.

I think Holmgren has earned a lifetime pass and a spot in the Ring of Honor at Qwest Field, in addition to a bust in Canton. What do y'all think?

No, I'm not Dave Krieg. I'm just an incredibly huge dork who LIKES Dave Krieg.

We've got some new readers after getting a mention on Danny O'Neil's Seattle Times Seahawks Blog (yay!). Welcome! Have fun poking around here, and spread the word to your friends, y'all.

Just to be clear: I am NOT Dave Krieg. I just thought Dave Krieg's Strike Beard was a cool name for my blog. As I said when I opened up shop in January 2008:

I was 12 in 1987, and even then I had some notion that the scab games were deeply wrong. I watched the last one where Largent crossed the picket line and torched the Lions, but I still felt kind of dirty about it. I still refuse to watch The Replacements because of the contempt I held for those scab games in '87.

When the players came back, I vividly remember that Dave Krieg had grown a glorious, Castro-level beard during the strike. I was convinced that beard led Seattle to a 35-13 road win in L.A. against the Raiders, and as I remember it (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) we lost the first game after he shaved it off, and the season ended with a crushing OT loss in the Wild-Card game at Houston.

Yes, my little douchbaggy 12-year-old ass cried after that one.

So, I'm calling this thing Dave Krieg's Strike Beard, or DKSB.

If you actually want to get a hold of Dave Krieg himself, here's his official site. Here's a letter I wrote to him in 2006 when he got inducted into the Ring of Honor:

Dear Dave,
I just stumbled upon your site, and I wanted to belatedly congratulate you on your induction into the Seahawks Ring of Honor. It was an honor that was long overdue for you. I started rooting for the Seahawks at the age of 8 back in 1983, and the stirring near-comeback against Pittsburgh which won you the starting QB job also made you my co-favorite player along with Steve Largent. So many of the great moments you authored were also among the happiest moments of my childhood. Leading us to victory at Miami in the 1983 playoffs (and recovering nicely after throwing that late INT), throwing 32 touchdown passes in 1984 (and carrying us to the playoffs after the loss of Curt Warner), your amazing 5-game run at the end of the ’86 season, the drive to tie up the ’87 wild card game at Houston and your spectacular play late in ’88 (and your gutsy comeback attempt in Cincinnati) were just some of the highlights that brought excitement being a Seahawks fan in the “ground chuck” era.

Of course, your greatest (and defining) moment was at KC in 1990, when you were sacked NINE times (seven by the great Derrick Thomas) but slipped away on the final play to throw the perfect winning strike to Paul Skansi. I leapt in joy so enthusiastically that I smacked my head on the basement TV room’s ceiling. I was devastated when our idiotic management pushed you out of town (a move our franchise paid dearly for), and though I still was devoted to the ‘Hawks I also took great joy in seeing you lead Detroit to the playoffs with another Dave Krieg hot streak. I truly believe that if you had played your prime years in a larger media market, you’d probably be in the Canton by now.

I’m still a Seahawks season ticket holder after 7 years living in Ohio, and I was lucky enough to be able to fly out to Seattle for the NFC title game last January. It was a special treat to see you out on the field for the coin toss. Symbolically it was the merging of my great childhood memories with the greatest day in Seahawks history. In any case, I really enjoyed your site and I wish you well in everything you do.

So there you go. Not Dave Krieg. Just a fan, and a huge geek.

Wrapping Up the Ranking the Squads Project

Here's my final rankings of each squad in team history, with links to the articles I wrote about them. Enjoy!

1. 2005
2. 1984
3. 1983
4. 2007
5. 1986
6. 2003
7. 2006
8. 1988
9. 1987
10. 1979
11. 1990
12. 1978
13. 2001
14. 1999
15. 2004
16. 1998
17. 1985
18. 1997
19. 1995
20. 2002
21. 1991
22. 1996
23. 1989
24. 1982
25. 1977
26. 1981
27. 1993
28. 1994
29. 2000
30. 2008
31. 1980
32. 1976
33. 1992

May 11, 2009

Ranking the Squads #1: 2005

As usual, you can find the previous installments of the Ranking the Squads project here...

1. 2005
Record: 13-3
Postseason: Won NFC West, Won NFC Title, Lost in Super Bowl XL
Offensive Rank: 1st out of 32 teams
Defensive Rank: 7th out of 32
Turnover Ratio Rank: 7th out of 32
Team Co-MVPs: Matt Hasselbeck, Shaun Alexander and Walter Jones
High Point: Seahawks 34, Panthers 14
Low Point: Steelers 21, Seahawks 10

2005 is still fresh in our minds. The joy we felt after the NFC Championship Game hasn't faded into oblivion, and the pain of XL won't completely dissolve until a Seahawk is holding the Lombardi Trophy skyward during a confetti blizzard.

I was lucky enough to attend three games in '05: The win over Atlanta, where we all worried that the Hawks would blow a 21-0 halftime lead; The Hawks took their first step towards erasing fears of a 2004 redux by holding onto a 21-18 win. Then I was at the Colts game, where we clinched HFA and saw the team echo 1983 and take a post-game victory lap...

I was one of 67,837 lucky bastards who got to see the Hawks win the NFC Championship in person... allow me to quote myself from back then:

When I was 8 years old, I started refusing to go to church to watch the Seattle Seahawks. That was the beginning of my march down the path of damnation, in both the spiritual and sports-fandom senses. My eternal soul may still be doomed depending on which thousands-years-old book you’ve taken to heart, but the Seattle Super Seahawks have freed my sporting spirit from the purgatory of mediocrity and broken dreams.

In a real sense, my experience at Qwest Field was as close as I’ll ever get to that sense of joy, bliss and peace that true believers enjoy. If my personal faith is the Seattle Seahawks, salvation arrived on Sunday night… Thirty years of dashed hopes, first-round busts, fourth-quarter collapses, phantom touchdowns and 8-8-ness were shattered in the deafening noise generated by 67,837 disciples and buried in a flurry of blue and green confetti.

Steve Smith? Erased. Those road-warrior Panthers? Reduced to quivering piss-stained wrecks by our smothering D and the assault of the 12th Man. Jake Delhomme? Don’t EVER claim he’s half the QB Hass is after that display of inept chucking and diving… The “soft” Seahawks? Ask Nick Going’s concussed brainpan about that one.

After the final kneel-down, grown men cried, including a little bit of misting up on my end.. Complete strangers hugged each other, and our howls of triumph cut through the damp Seattle night sky.

For 22 years I’ve waited for this, and it’s even better than all those scenarios I’ve imagined for years. Though I love the Sawx, this easily trumps the gleeful 2004 playoff run for me, and I’d say it’s the best moment of my life as a sports fan…

Beside that glorious January night, my most vivid memories of '05 are:

-Babs picking off Bledsoe and streaking into FG range, followed by Josh Brown nailing the game winner and throwing his helmet off after the final gun... Then, just delirium and joy.

-Feely missing, missing, missing and Shockey's premature celebration... and false starts galore for Eli and NYG.

-A sweep of the Rams begun with J.P. Darche falling on a fumble at STL, and ending with SA running for one of his 28 TDs in the rain at Qwest.

-Hasselbeck's great day against DC in the playoffs, after Alexander got knocked out of the game and we were supposed to implode. I'll never forget Hass beating Shawn Springs to the pylon, and SA's ecstatic reaction on the sidelines. Then of course, there was Mack's game-clinching run on a key 3rd down late in the game...

What are your favorite memories of 2005? NO XL talk on this one! Let's just speak of the good times for once.

Defending Bobby Engram's Honor

Overrated Favre Fanboy Peter King has come out with his "Power Rankings," and here's what he had to say about the Seahawks:

19. Seattle
Hard not to like what the Seahawks have done in the offseason, replacing the declining Julian Peterson and Rocky Bernard with Aaron Curry at linebacker and defensive-line-rotation pieces Colin Cole and Cory Redding. T.J. Houshmandzadeh's a very good addition, but he's not really much different than Bobby Engram, other than he should be able to stay healthier than Engram. But this team will sink or swim on the back of Matt Hasselbeck. Jim Mora told me in about 16 different ways that Hasselbeck's back is fine. Hasselbeck has echoed that repeatedly, but let's see how he holds up when the real games start.

It sure sounds like he's slagging on Bobby Engram, doesn't it? What King obviously doesn't remember is 2007, when Engram was healthy and Hasselbeck's primary target. How'd he do that year?

94 catches for 1147 yards and 6 TDs.

I don't know about you guys, but if Housh puts up those numbers this fall, I'll be VERY happy (though I expect a few more TDs from T.J.).

Take a break from texting Mr. Wrangler Jeans and check your stats, King.


May 9, 2009

Yeah. I EXPECT the Seahawks to make the playoffs. So what?

Fans of 4-12 teams are supposed to show humility. We're supposed to sheepishly agree when people tell us our team sucks, and refrain from complaining about how unfair our schedule is, or how we don't have any primetime games this fall.

Not this team. Not this year. I don't HOPE the Seahawks make the playoffs. I'm not CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC that Seattle can reclaim the NFC West. I EXPECT it. An 8-8 year would be a healthy 4-game improvement over 2008... Would I be happy with that? Hell. No.

Now some of you out there may be having one of the following reactions to these statements:

1. You're a negative, dark-hearted, joyless prick, so you just expect the worst. You won't believe in this team until they clinch the West, and even then, you'll probably expect Seattle to fail in the playoffs. You derive more joy from being correct with your pessimistic predictions than from your team winning. If this describes you, I'd love to banish you from Qwest Field for life. However, until I own the team, bitching at you via my blog will have to do.

2. You somehow think that a Seattle fan showing some boastful confidence will anger the football gods, and that I should keep my optimism to myself to keep the Seahawks from being struck down with great vengeance and furious anger.

I'd be the first to agree that the coaches, players, and members of the organization should keep it zipped and not talk publicly about how much ass they expect to kick this fall. But a fan? Dude. If you really think that bad mojo is somehow created when the 12th Man expects success, you probably also believe in tripe like the Madden Curse. Who knows? You're probably also one of those Moon Landing deniers. Ick. In a perfect world, I'd go Buzz Aldrin on y'all:

So who's with me on this? I'm behind the wheel of this neon green bandwagon, and I'm driving it all the way back to the top of the NFC West. Climb aboard, Seahawks Nation... There's plenty of room for true believers here.

May 7, 2009

Off Topic: Star Trek = Awesome.

Just got back from a sold-out showing of the new Star Trek flick. Solid "A" flick, y'all. It pleased me as a geek, but it was also funny, action-packed and even a little moving. Of course, it didn't please everyone:

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

May 6, 2009

We'll get a shot at ruining ANOTHER Favre comeback

Let me set a scene for y'all...

Week 11 of the 2009 season... NBC flexes out a game between the Eagles and underachieving Bears in favor of a dust-up between two teams with a developing rivalry: Seahawks @ Vikings. It doesn't hurt that this is NBC's first opportunity to showcase Brett Favre in Minnesota Purple.

Both teams find themselves atop their respective divisions with 6-3 records, but the Vikings seem to be doing it in spite of their 40-year old QB, who is struggling with 14 interceptions against only 11 TD passes. Minnesota's brilliant defense and MVP-caliber RB Adrian Peterson keep the Vikings in the game, but Ken Lucas's late interception of an ill-advised deep ball to Percy Harvin seals a 20-16 win for the Seahawks. After an atrocious 3-int night, Favre is benched in favor of Sage Rosenfels, leading to a split in the Minnesota locker room and a 9-7 record.

The Vikings still edge Chicago and Green Bay for the NFC North, but once again lose at home in the Wild Card round, leading to the firing of Brad Childress.

The fact that the above scenario seems so plausible is just one reason Vikings fans are reacting to this clearly inevitable move like this... A key passage:

And now, as a final, personal FUCK YOU to every Viking fan like me who ever wished him dead, that fuckface is now going to make it so I have to root for him. I actually have to cheer when he goes and does something good. And that makes me hate his fucking guts all the more. Because now I’m supposed to buy into all his bullshit.

That fucking fuck.

Well, fine. If that’s the way it has to be, then so be it. I’ll root for you in a Vikings uniform, Favre. But just know that I will hate every goddamn minute of it. Just know that I will fucking hunt you down with a goddamn bow when you end up fucking us in the end. And you will fuck us.

Oh, I’ll cheer you on, you fucking Hollywood redneck cockpuller. I’ll pull for you every step of the way, you miserable shit volcano. I’ll cherish your token three good games during the season that make Collinsworth flood his pants, you blood-soaked pantyliner.

I’ll do all that that.

But I’ll never stop hating you.

Fuck you. Die.

I do have some sympathy for Vikings fans... Imagine if we had to deal with Elway coming to Seattle at the tail end of his career... Or with Roethlisberger replacing Hass? Or with Tom Flores becoming our head coach (oh wait.. that actually happened. Fuck you, Behring).

I'm sooo sick of Favre, but I hope this actually happens. It's nothing but good, hateful drama for the NFL... And we'll get another shot at not only fucking up Mr. Wrangler Jeans, but we'll do it at the expense of our most-hated non-divisional rival outside of Pittsburgh.

Stay tuned, y'all.

May 2, 2009

Ranking the Squads #2: 1984

As usual, you can find the previous installments of the Ranking the Squads project here...

2. 1984
Record: 12-4
Postseason: AFC Wild Card, Lost in Divisional Round
Offensive Rank: 5th out of 28 teams
Defensive Rank: 5th out of 28
Turnover Ratio Rank: 1st out of 28
Team Co-MVPs: Dave Krieg and Kenny Easley
High Point: Seahawks 13, Raiders 7
Low Point: Broncos 31, Seahawks 14

The '84s are rightly remembered fondly by Seahawks fans. They overcame Curt Warner's season-ending knee explosion in the opener to win 12 games and finish off the defending World Champion Raiders in the AFC Wild Card Game. That sweet revenge for the 1983 AFC Championship boomeranged on us a week later, as Miami got payback for the previous year's gargantuan divisional playoff upset.

Even though I was only 9 years old at the time, the "what-ifs" have always bugged me about the '84s. They were 12-2, and riding an 8-game winning streak, going into the final two games against KC and Denver. Two more wins would have given Seattle home field advantage through the AFC playoffs. ONE more win would have secured the AFC West crown and a first-round bye.

The Hawks already had a playoff spot and a home game sewn up going into Arrowhead. Maybe they were complacent, or maybe they were just running out of gas, but they took a 34-7 beating. Needing a win at home to clinch the Western division and a bye, they meekly fell to Denver the next week 31-14.

Yes, the Hawks gutted out a brutal 13-7 victory over the hated Raiders in the Dome to open the playoffs (rightly regarded as one of the best moments in franchise history), but they bowed out a week later in Miami, losing 31-10. Over the last four games, including the post-season, Seattle was outscored 103-54.

Despite the fade in December, this team was a joy to watch. Dave Krieg had the standout season of his career, throwing 32 TDs, making the Pro Bowl, and carrying the offense in Warner's absence. Kenny Easley won Defensive Player of the Year honors, and led the greatest defense in franchise history.

How good was the defense? In one four-game stretch Seattle's defense OUTSCORED the opposition 30-20! This included the amazing 45-0 win over the Chiefs that featured FOUR interception returns for touchdowns by the Hawks, and a safety scored in a win against Cincy. In four weeks, the defense allowed only two touchdowns and pitched two shutouts. It shouldn't be any surprise this was the best D in team history, given that it starred three eventual Ring of Honor inductees (Easley, Jacob Green and Dave Brown), and other notables like Jeff Bryant, Joe Nash and John Harris.

The '84s were a great team... If not for that December Fade, they may have been Seattle's first Super Bowl team.