November 30, 2009

Seahawks 27, Rams 17

No NFL team should ever apologize for a win fairly earned. Those out there who want to minimize or disregard today's win in St. Louis show their lack of respect for the team they supposedly root for and the sport they follow.

Let's face it, the general reaction to last week's loss in Minnesota was "The Seahawks fucking SUCK!" Very few people graded Seattle on a curve because they were playing a Super Bowl contender. The loss "counted." Playing Favre, Purple Jesus, Hutch, Jared Allen, etc? Who gives a shit? You still lost, losers.

However, many of the same people want to give the Seahawks NO credit for a win today, because it was against a team deemed "less than." I call bullshit on that. You can't have it both ways. Are the Seahawks an elite team? Hell no. They're 4-7, and there's no way to spin that in a positive way. However, they have a collection of some pretty good players, and they still have something to play for.

Sure, there's the vanishingly small chance of winning out and making the playoffs, but that's not what I'm talking about. If it's true that Ruskell will not return, all these guys are auditioning for the next boss, whether it's Holmgren, Mueller, or somebody else. There's also the chance to destroy the playoff dreams of up to four teams down the stretch, including those preening fake tough guys from down the coast next week.

Yes, the Niners come to Qwest next Sunday, and this week will be a marathon of media blather about how SF is going to roll into Seattle and leave it a smoldering ruin, pillaged of its football honor. I say fuck that noise. I say the Seahawks, with the might of the Twelve Army behind them, can and WILL win. I'm not afraid of Mike Singletary. Vernon Davis? Frank Gore? Alex Smith? Patrick Willis? Michael Crabtree? Just guys. Just a 5-6 team. Nothing special. They can be had. The Seahawks are 20-7 at Qwest all-time against opponents with losing records.

For now, we have a meaningful game against a divisional rival at home next week. Lose? I'll admit that all hope is lost, cover my face in ash and gnash my teeth in grief. Win? We get to huddle around the flickering fires that warm the hearts of us dead-ender, delusional fans for another week.

November 27, 2009

Looking for Seahawks Stuff for Xmas? Why not buy from DKSB?

Remember... When you buy from my amazon store, you're getting great Seahawks merchandise AND helping out your favorite unemployed, bedraggled blogger.

Happy Xmas, everyone!

November 24, 2009

More Ramblings from Captain Insano...

A very common cognitive bias is to overvalue recent events. Recently, the Seahawks have been playing terrible football, and this has led to near unanimity in this sentiment: The Seahawks gargle monkey nuts.

But wait! This team HAS posted two shutouts. They DID outplay Arizona for much of the game a couple of weeks ago. Seattle football isn't just a boundless ocean of fucktardery and suckitude... We've seen flashes of competence, even moments of dominance. Is it possible that part of the problem is that we've played a bunch of very good teams?

If you look at the current records of Seahawk opponents, Seattle has played two 9-1 teams, A 7-3 team three times, a 6-4 team, two 4-6 teams, and two 1-9 teams. The remaining sked? Two 1-9 teams, two 4-6 teams, a 5-5 team and a 6-4 team. If the Seahawks rally against weaker opponents, will that performance be exalted? Dismissed?

If you look at the records of teams on the day that they faced the Seahawks, Seattle has gone 0-5 against teams with winning records, 2-2 against teams that were .500, and 1-0 against teams with losing records. It's HIGHLY likely that five of Seattle's last six opponents will sport losing records when they face the Seahawks on the gridiron. As Disco Stu might say, "if these trends continue? Ayyyyyyyyyy."

Are the Seahawks going to win their last 6 games? Probably not... But it's more possible than anyone out there wants to admit. Four or even five wins? Completely plausible. The "lose out to get a high draft pick" crowd might not like to hear this, but these Seahawks are going to win some games over the final stretch of this season.

So many people out there are absolutely convinced that Seahawks are the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked. What if they claw back to the 7-9 to 9-7 range? Idiots will still say "Seachickens suck!" But reality, as usual, is far more complex.

Don't give up on your team just yet, Soldiers of Twelve.

November 23, 2009

Use Your Delusions

I've spent most of the last 24 hours in a haze of anger and depression, thinking about the draft, thinking about the idea of The Big Show returning, etc. You know what I've decided? I'm not ready to face stupid reality quite yet. For at least one more week, I'm more than willing to fool myself that there is something left to fight for this season. If you want to join me in the padded room, here's some ammo for you...

The Seahawks looked atrocious yesterday, but they were also playing a very formidable Super Bowl contender. This week? It's the 1-9 Rams, who haven't beat our guys since the 2004 NFC Wild Card game. A lot of you are so disgusted right now, that you think we won't even beat STL... Thankfully, you're wrong. Pfft, right? Who gives a shit? 4-7.

Ahh yes, but a week later, we come home to face the 49ers. After what happened back in week two, the Hawks BETTER be geeked for this one. Yes, Seattle is 2-4 over the last 6 games. The Niners? They're 1-5. As rough as things have looked this season, the Hawks have only served one outright crapburger at Qwest (the big loss to AZ). SF is a team we can and SHOULD beat at home. Ho hum. 5-7. Meh.

December 13 at the Texans, for our first trip to Houston since 1994. After two straight wins, the Seahawks have built up a bit of confidence... They catch the inconsistent Texans wallowing in complacency, and pull off an upset win. 6-7, and things are getting interesting.

The Hawks come home to play the Buccaneers. Tampa Bay stupidly fails to wear the creamsicle throwbacks, and the suddenly hot Seahawks (resplendent in the lime green alts) lay a beating on them. 7-7.

Then, it's at Lambeau on December 27th. The graveyard of Seattle playoff hopes many times before... Green Bay comes in 8-6 and fighting for their postseason lives, but Al Harris isn't around to pick off Hasselbeck, and the Hawks pull off another stunning upset. 8-7, and very much alive.

The regular season finale against Tennessee is a win-and-in scenario for Seattle. Qwest is rocking like it's 2005, and even the Vince Young-led, revitalized Titans don't stand a chance against the onslaught of the Hawks D and the twelve army. 9-7! The Seahawks squeeze into the 5th spot in the NFC playoffs, earning a Wild Card trip to.... Glendale, AZ to play the Cardinals.

Yes, it probably won't happen. But for at least one more week, it's theoretically possible, and I'm clinging to that like it's the last stimutax on Sealab.

November 22, 2009

If Chuck Knox was were dead, he'd be spinning in his grave.

We all were pretty sure Seattle was going to lose today, but the manner in which they lost was shameful. It was a comprehensive, team-wide fail of epic proportions; one so embarrassing and incompetent that it puts the jobs of all but a handful of personnel at risk.

Yes, the Vikings are an excellent team, but there's no reason Seattle couldn't have made a more competitive showing (particularly when the lowly Chiefs defeated the World Champions just minutes after our game ended). There's no reason ANY NFL team should be held to 4 yards rushing, no matter how stout the opposing defense is. There's no reason our defense should allow an opposing QB to go 22 for 25, even if it's Brett Favre playing at an All-Pro level. There's no reason that we should be so absolutely maladroit in these 10 am road games when other teams find ways to prevail in the same situations.

This is an organizational failure, and regardless of the results over the final 6 games (which may be respectable), big changes need to be made to avoid tumbling into an early-90s-ish abyss. I'm going to officially come out in support of hiring Mike Holmgren as the new Master and Commander of All Things Seahawks. Let him hire a GM and Head Coach who will carry out his organizational vision, and we'll see if Seattle's greatest coach can create a new era of Seahawks glory.

Some other observations from today, shamelessly cut and pasted from my twitter feed:

-Since that 41-0 blowout at Qwest, Seahawks are 1-4. Jaguars? 4-1.

-Anyone who claims to be a Seahawks fan and wants us to LOSE at STL next week is a moron and a traitor. Just saying. The Seahawks still have four very winnable games on the schedule, and yes, I want them to win all of them.

-In their last two games wearing the white jerseys and blue pants, both in Minnesota, 6 years apart, the Seahawks were outscored 69-16.

-Saddest thing you'll read today, from Yahoo! Sports... SEA Top Performer: J. Forsett, 8 carries, 9 yards, 1 TD.

-Anyone else think Minnesota is going to XLIV? I've got them losing to Indianapolis in Miami at this point.

-Will the Seahawks be a legit contender by the time the Steelers come to Qwest in 2011 for the biggest regular season game EVAR? Discuss!

UPDATE: Thanks to loyal reader Toftie for correcting by awful grammar in the title. She writes...

Because I love you and because I think you're brilliant, I have to correct a
grammar error so no one thinks you are just a douchebag fan (instead of the
god that you are). You DKSB entry about Chuck Knox. It's "If Chuck Knox
WERE dead...." not "was dead." At least in everything I've been taught.

That was free. No charge for that. :)

Here's a bonus pic of Toftie and I kicking it at Qwest at the Rams game in September. She = awesome.

November 18, 2009

No Revenge for us Nerds

I used to dread getting up and going to high school back in the day. This is what every day held for me back then: Boring classes, social isolation, terrible food, having to hang out with friends I didn't really like (but whose company was better than being completely alone), pining for girls I had absolutely no chance to ever date, and the very real possibility of getting dumped face first into a garbage can by the popular jocks. I would meet every school day with a weary, exhausted sigh.

That's what the lead-up to Sunday's game feels like for me. Another shitty day at high school.

I'd love to be the optimist here, but unless Brett Favre suddenly and completely reverts to "golly gee shucks, I'm gonna just chuck it into a clump of 4 DBs" mode, we are FUCKED. The talent gap between these two teams is massive, and it's a 10 am pacific road game against a team with a winning record.

On top of that, we've got the Hutch thing to deal with this week, which while totally played out, is still a reminder of Seattle's biggest organizational fuck-up of this decade.

It's very sad that things have gotten to this point, but I just want the Seahawks to go out and play with emotion and intensity. Just don't get embarrassed, guys.

And as this season threatens to start circling the drain, it's getting harder than usual to deal with our franchise's clear status as 2nd-class citizens in the NFL. Do you really think that Darnell Dockett would even be playing this weekend if he had jammed his elbow onto Brady, Manning, or Brees' larynx? Hell no. But we're the Seahawks, so who gives a fuck, right? Just imagine if Brandon Mebane did that to Favre on Sunday. You'd see a shower of yellow flags, an ejection, a suspension and a giant-ass fine.

So just like I did damn near 20 years ago, I'll get up, go through the motions, and just try to survive the day on Sunday. At least I won't have to go to gym class this time around... or eat cafeteria food.

November 16, 2009

Unfounded, Uninformed, Wild Speculation

Today we get the sad reports that Paul Allen has been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Obviously, we all wish the Seahawks' owner a speedy and full recovery, but I have to wonder if this might have an effect on the decisions Allen must make about the future of the team.

Mike Holmgren is transparently angling for a Parcells-like "football czar" position with the Seahawks, and my initial read is that Allen's condition makes this more likely to happen in the off-season. Allen and The Big Show have always had a great relationship, and it makes sense that the owner would want a trusted, proven commodity (who just happens to be one of the most important figures in franchise history) running the team.

A seriously ill owner is a terrible source of uncertainty for a team to deal with. Holmgren's steady, skilled hand would lessen this institutional anxiety considerably. Barring a spectacular turnaround from the 2009 Hawks in the next seven games, I think the momentum is cleary building for Mike Holmgren's return next year.

What do you think, sirs?

November 15, 2009

I Fear We Can Only Wave Goodbye

Seattle's realistic hopes of winning the NFC West quietly died today, and the way those hopes slipped away was particularly depressing. For most of the game, the Seahawks played their best football of 2009, but all that got us was an 11-point defeat.

I was pleased to see Seattle play with urgency and intensity, and those qualities might stave off mathematical elimination for a few more weeks. 7-9 is still a realistic goal, which would be a 3-win improvement over 2008 and avoid the stigma of double-digit losses.

Inevitably, however, the Twelve Army is going to start thinking about 2010, with the imposing spectre of Mike Holmgren's possible return (in some capacity) looming over everything. I'm undecided about The Big Show returning at this point, given that these last 7 games are going to have some effect on what this team's future looks like. My gut feeling is that it's at least worth considering, since it looks like the team's major rebuild is going to come on the offensive side of the ball.

It's unpleasant to know an era of great team success is ending, and also to know we are entering a period of vast change and uncertainty. The good news is that I doubt we'll be out of the playoffs for 10 seasons, like we were from 1989-1998... The difference in ownership between Behring and Allen is great enough that a quick return to the postseason is plausible. But I'm scared shitless knowing that we need a franchise QB and an elite LT, and SOON.

Of course, there's that loony part of me that says "hey, we're only two games out of the wild card!" Goddamn I'm great at torturing myself, huh?

Side note: Fuck the Cardinals. Fuck Darnell Dockett and his dirty play. Fuck Beanie Wells and Fuck Kurt Warner. They are an undisciplined, inconsistent gaggle of schmucks, and I have nothing but loathing and contempt for them. I hope they get blown out in the Wild Card round, accompanied by a spectacular array of injuries.


November 13, 2009

No Excuses

The Seahawks are about as healthy as they are going to get this season going into Sunday's Glendale Deathmatch, with Sean Locklear set to step in a left tackle. Over the last year and half the Seahawks have been dogged by a ridiculously high rate of injuries that even the most talented of teams couldn't be expected to overcome, but here we are... The season on the line, with the most talented line-up we'll be able to muster for this campaign.

Regardless of whether or not the Seahawks reach the playoffs, the final eight games of this season are going to shape the short and long-term future of this team. Rally to an 8-8 or 9-7 finish? We'll probably see some big moves but not a complete razing of the team as it's currently built. Collapse to 5-11 or 6-10? Paul Allen would have every justification to bring in new management, new coaches, and LOTS of new players.

I know a lot of you are of the mindset that you want the Seahawks to implode, so higher draft picks are obtained, people in management you don't like are replaced, etc. To those of you who think this way, I don't know what I feel more towards you: Pity or disdain.

What is it like to root for your team to lose? To be UNHAPPY when they win? What is it like to be a miserable, curdled bastard?

Yes, I'd rather see the Seahawks finish 8-8 and miss the playoffs than go 4-12 again and get a better draft pick. You know why? Because losing sucks, and each time this team ends a game defeated, I die a little bit inside. Rooting for your team to lose is ultimately futile anyway, because

A) There's no guarantee that a high first round pick will be any better than a mid-or-late first rounder.
B) There is, however, a guarantee that the higher pick will COST more, and hamper the team's ability to sign free agents.
C) If you were a free agent, and the money was the same, would you go to the team that finished 8-8 last season or the team that finished 4-12?
D) The players on the team now have NO incentive to dog it so the team gets a higher draft pick. They are not only professionals, they also don't want to help the team draft their replacement. In addition, they want their good performance to be recognized by current management and other organizations, in case they get cut loose.

If Seattle loses Sunday, you'll start hearing the chorus of fucktards who will bitch each time the Seahawks win a "meaningless" game the rest of this season. These people deserve our scorn, ridicule, and a good old-fashioned cock-punching.

But, I clearly don't think the Seahawks WILL lose on Sunday. They are going to win, and they are going to be fighting for the postseason until the final quarter against the Titans next January. They have no excuse not to.

November 8, 2009

Seahawks 32, Lions 20

A lot of people want to dismiss this victory, but I've been watching this team since R.E.M. was just an obscure indie band, and I can tell you this: In Seahawks history we've seen plenty of examples of a 17-0 deficit turning into a 41-0 humiliation. Big comebacks have never been common for Seattle, but today the Hawks shook off one of the worst quarters of football ever played by mankind and found a way to win.

Of course the Lions lent us a hand via their overall shittiness, but the Seahawks held up their end of the deal. Hasselbeck was mistake-free after that awful opening pick, and the offense found ways to move the ball in spite of a still-pathetic running game. Mare also banged through four FGs (the winning margin), but I haven't heard many huzzahs pointed his way... Thanks Olindo!

The defense was the story yet again, holding Detroit to a field goal over the last three quarters and intercepting Stafford five times. At least at home, Seattle's D has been mostly impressive this season (and a key asset for my fantasy football team).

There's plenty to nitpick about today's victory, but I refuse to let the perfect be the enemy of the good. The Seahawks are still playing meaningful football, and if that doesn't make you happy I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion (so to speak).

There's already a line around the block of folks giving Seattle no chance in Glendale next Sunday (Mike Sando, I'm looking in your direction), but now, in full view of the football blog-reading public, I guarantee a Seahawks win over Arizona.

The Cardinals have already lost three home games, two of them to teams with losing records... What one team can do, another can do. The Seahawks WILL win.

If they don't, I'll admit the season is over and shut the fuck up as the voice of irrational optimism.... stay tuned.

November 6, 2009

My Attempt to Win That Signed Beck Practice Jersey...

My friend Woody and I, being jackasses in the TWO old school Hasselbeck jerseys I once owned...

November 5, 2009

A Grim, Joyless Death March

This Sunday the Detroit Lions come to town, and while that's good news for a Seattle team that desperately needs a win, it's a rough assignment for the Twelve Army. Why?

This isn't a game anyone could possibly get excited about, because A) If the Seahawks win, even in blowout fashion, the collective reaction of the football world will be "so?" and B) If Seattle somehow loses, it would be an terrible, intensely embarrassing low-point in franchise history.

How low? Detroit hasn't won a road game in over two years. The Lions are 0-15 away from Ford Field since October 28, 2007. Not only would a loss on Sunday be humiliating and season-killing for the Seahawks, it would be a "Carrie at the prom" level embarrassment for the Twelve Army. Just think about it: How can we claim to provide a huge home field advantage if one of the worst road teams in NFL history wins at Qwest?

We came close to a loss this humiliating against 1-8 Miami in 2004, but Michael Boulware bailed us out with a late game-winning interception return TD. If Sunday's game is even a close win like that, it will be hard to whip up much hope for the rest of this season.

However, the best case scenario looks like this: Fading Kurt Warner throws a few more picks in an Arizona loss at Chicago... The Seahawks convincingly blow Detroit out, and Vince Young somehow rallies the Titans to an upset win at Candlestick. If that happens, next week's game in Glendale will be for 1st place in the NFC West.

Yup, despite everything traumatic and craptacular we've endured this season, we could be in first place 11 days from now. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that watching the game on Sunday is going to be much fun, unless the Hawks run out to a big early lead and allow all of us to exhale a bit.

Those of you going to the game? You know the drill. Make Stafford's ears bleed. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Jeez. I'm making myself nauseous just thinking about this game.

November 2, 2009

The Path

As you know, I'm not giving up on the 2009 Seahawks just yet. I've poured over the schedules of the three NFC West contenders AND the NFL tie-breaking procedures. The Seahawks can win the west with an 8-8 record, but they'd obviously need help from other teams around the league. Here's how the playoffs could still happen for the Seahawks... Wins for each team are in bold.

A few things of note:

1. The Niners win any scenario where there is a 3-way tie at 8-8, because they would most likely have the best record in "common games." So the Twelve Army has to hope SF limps to 7-9.

2. The Seahawks MUST win at Arizona in two weeks. There's no plausible path to the playoffs without a victory here, and later at home v. SF. If they lose either game, I will admit that yes, the season is over.

3. I truly believe that almost everything I've laid out is plausible. The least likely part of this scenario? A Jaguars win at Candlestick.

4. The Seahawks make this a LOT simpler by getting to nine wins, but a 7-2 finish feels like a fantastical notion. 6-3 with our schedule? Doable.

I know a lot of you out there are scoffing, rolling your eyes, and/or making a wanking motion. Fine. But if that's your reaction to me trying to give the Twelve Army a glimmer of hope, I wonder why you even bother watching the rest of the season. We watch the games because we want Seattle to win, don't we?

Let's get past the Lions on Sunday, then the season is on the line in Glendale after that.

November 1, 2009

Delusion and Defiance

The Seahawks sucked today, and people are writing obituaries. They're working on concession speeches and articles of surrender. The message from everywhere I've looked on the internets? The 2009 Seahawks are dead, and the vultures are tearing the rotting flesh from their bones.

I've been watching this team for over a quarter century, and I remember the days where I'd furiously pore over the schedule to figure out what had to happen for the Seahawks to somehow worm their way into the postseason. Most of the time I was just giving myself false hope, but it sure made the rest of the games more entertaining until mathematical elimination spoiled my fun. I'm back to doing that, and I'm here to tell you that this season isn't over... quite yet.

2-5 is a shitty record, and right now the Seahawks are playing like an overpaid UFL team. But the fact is Seattle stands only two games out of first place in the NFC West, and there is a plausible scenario where the Hawks could be tied for first at 4-5 in two weeks time... I'll give you details about the Seahawks path to the playoffs later this week, but for now just trust me when I say that path hasn't been torn up into impassable rubble just yet.

If the Rams can beat the Lions, so can we! If the Panthers can win at Glendale, so can we! I'm not ready to give up. I'm Ed Harris, the Seahawks are Mary Elisabeth Mastrantonio, and I'm not giving up until they start hacking up seawater and gasping for air.

I know I sound like a deluded, insane homer. Who wants to join me in this padded room? Who is fucking WITH ME????