December 21, 2011

Hemispheres

My football mind is somewhat bifurcated right now- Let me break down this schism:

-It would be amazing if the Seahawks made the playoffs, or even just finished 9-7... but the Hawks have already had a season we can take pride in, even if they lose the last two games. 7-9 would match last year's record, but it would come with 16 players being sent to IR (and against a much tougher schedule). This year we've seen tons of development from many young players and an unexpectedly strong performance from Tarvaris Jackson. The secondary is on the verge of becoming one of the best in football, and the team is creating an identity based on mental and physical toughness.

The vast majority of front office moves by PCJS appear to be working out so far, and the team's overall potential points to a possible 2012 playoff run, even without the "Quarterback of the Future." The team fought bravely after a 2-6 start, and can boast signature wins over the Giants, Ravens and Bears. Yes, it would suck if we lost Saturday, but it wouldn't change the fact that the future belongs to our Seahawks...

On the other side of my brainpan...

-Fuck the fucking Niners! Fuck their fans, fuck their smug, arrogant douchenozzle of a coach, fuck Patrick Willis, fuck Frank Gore, and MOTHER FUCK Alex Smith. The ONLY thing I want for Christmas is a win over these dickbags. Ever since week 1 I've wanted another shot at these jokers, and I want our boys to emphatically demonstrate that the Niners are merely renting our NFC West throne- We will be taking it back sooner than anyone outside the Twelve Army thinks possible.

The Niners fancy themselves as tough guys- They are going to find out Saturday that the Seahawks can inflict punishment too. I want to see Kam Chancellor drop Vernon Davis like a bag of fucking hammers. I want to see Chris Clemons scramble Alex Smith's mindgrapes. I want to see Frank Gore stuffed over and over and over again. I want the 49ers to limp off the field bloodied, bruised and defeated. I want their fucking fans to take the same walk of shame I had to endure after that game in Cleveland earlier this year.

I want vengance. Pure, evil, spiteful vengance.

And if we win, my most fevered, curdled, hateful dream might live on: That we sneak in the playoffs and travel down the coast to play SF again on Wild Card Weekend... and then, with an upset win we ruin all that was good and worthwhile about San Francisco's 2011 season. All they will remember is the stinging pain of a divisional rival snuffing out what they thought was going to be a "special" season. It would be magnificent- We'd speak of it in hushed, reverent tones for decades...

But I'm getting ahead of myself... Win on Saturday or you ruin my Christmas, Seahawks. Go beat these worthless sacks of crap!

What do you think sirs?

4 comments:

Nick said...

I would still root for a win if it meant we'd be officially out of the Andrew Luck sweepstakes.

Fuck them. I hope we always win, whatever the consequences.

Eric Flatness said...

I don't suppose you saw the Monday Night game (even if you'd been watching, with all the power failures you might not have been able to see anyway). Sometime in the first half, Rapeisburger through a pass to his left, missing his receiver by about 5 yards. On the broadcast, you can see smug ol' Harbaugh jumping about two yards up while hopping along the sideline going for the ref, shouting at the top of his lungs "GROUNDING! *BLEEPETY BLEEPING* GROUNDING"

God I'd hate to play for that weasel.

HawtSoop said...

absolutely perfectly amazingly well said.

neurocell said...

As always, well said.
GOD I want a win.
You know what would be great? The '11 Hawks being San Francisco's '04 version of the rams to that year's Hawks. I'd love it if this team was on the cusp of greatness. Just like that team. But that they're also spoilers, like that rams team. PCJS said that they wanted three drafts under their belts before this team started to come into its own. These guys seem to be trying to blow that projection out of the water. It'd be so freakin' incredible if we could win two of three against the same team, the same year. It'd shut the fuck up of the entire media(Especially Bayless and Paige-Speaking of those two douche bags; How many assholes do you think they had to suck their own cum out of in order to get jobs at ESPN?). Sorry, media bias can torque me the wrong way.
Speaking of which; Did you see that Duff McKagen, most notably of Guns 'N Roses and Velvet Revolver fame, wrote an ESPN article about how he wants a Seahawks win for Christmas?
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/thelife/music/news/story?id=7374362

To tell you the truth, I don't care whomever the Seahawks face in the playoffs. As long as they win the Super Bowl. I can see them winning against anyone. Yes, Green Bay and New England have awesome offenses, but their defenses are horrendous. The only two teams that worry me are the stealers and Ravens. The former has a psychological edge over the Hawks (The week 2 loss), while the latter wants revenge. No team in the NFL scares me, but those two do worry me.
Anyway, this season has been a success. I'd love to see that success get two more wins. Then comes playoff time. And remember, everyone is 0-0 then.