Fuzzy Seahawk Memories: November 30, 1992 (Seahawks 16, Broncos 13 OT)

1992 Sucked. Not only was the team awful; it was also BORING. Tom Flores coached as if he was still employed by the Raiders, and Seattle's offense scored barely EIGHT POINTS PER GAME. In one six-week stretch, the Hawks could only manage a lone, pathetic touchdown.

The only thing that made the team somewhat tolerable to watch was Cortez Kennedy and the doomed but dogged defense. Tez was named NFL defensive player of the year on a 2-14 team, a fact that should get him into Canton almost by itself (seriously you craggy old honkey fucks... Put him in).

Long before the days of flex scheduling, ABC was forced to air a Monday Night game between the 1-10 Seahawks and the 7-4 (seemingly playoff bound) Denver Broncos. It would go down in national memory as perhaps the worst MNF game ever, but it's one of my favorite Seahawks memories (like Eddie Murphy said once about getting laid after a long dry spell: If you're starving, a saltine will taste like a Ritz cracker).

My younger readers might not remember that the Denver Broncos used to be among our most hated rivals; mostly because that homely fuck Elway owned our asses for about a decade and a half. But those hopeless, forlorn 92 Hawks caught a break that night: Tommy Maddox would start for Denver, and this wasn't Lazarus-era "good" Maddox.... This was helpless, skittish-as-me-behind-the-cash-register-at-Sbarro-during-lunch-rush Maddox.

Both offenses flailed about like two drunk sorority chicks in a cat fight, and the Hawks were somehow only down 13-6 in the final minutes... A face-mask penalty on a punt return set us up at the Denver 35, but it still felt like it would take a miracle to put 7 on the board. Somehow Stan Gelbaugh got us inside the 10, and on
4th and goal he hit Brian Blades for the tying TD. Blades did some stupid early-90s celebration dance and the Kingdome crowd erupted like it was 1984 all over again. In OT John Kasay booted Seattle to only its 2nd win of the season, and Denver spiraled to a 8-8 collapse and an Xmas at home just like the pathetic Seattlites.

It was one of the only bright spots of 1992; I remember running out onto my front yard and screaming "SEAAAAAAHAWWWWWKKKKKSSSSSS!" into the night after that win. I had no idea it was the start of a lost decade for my Hawks. Ugh.

The New Captain of the Titanic

I'd love to congratulate Jim Zorn for being awarded the head coaching job in DC, but considering that his boss is Dan Snyder, he's more or less a dead man walking. At some point next season, he'll be bringing his Redskins into Qwest (hopefully for a warm opening reception from the crowd followed by a severe beating for his team).

The bottom line? I'm glad the Seahawks are owned by a billionaire nerd who signs checks and lets his football people do their jobs, rather than a billionaire cock-bite who thinks that the NFL works about the same way as a fantasy football league.

Good luck Coach Zorn; You'll need it when Snyder starts chasing you around his mansion with a bowling pin, or when he wants you to let Tom Cruise call a play or two... He WAS in All the Right Moves, you know.

Eat a dick, UW! We got Mora!

It's official: Jim Mora Jr. will be the next coach of the Seattle Seahawks. UW will have to scrounge up someone else to take over once Ty Willingham gets his ass canned. Losers.

Like Ruskell said today, this sends a clear signal to potential free agents that the franchise will be stable into the foreseeable future. Plus, I'm convinced that Mora is going to pwn the likes of Nolan, Linehan and that skeezy Pittsburgh fuck Wisenhunt.

But fuck all that... That shit's for '09. Right now, I'm much more concerned about how we're gonna line shit up to send The Big Show out with another Lombardi Trophy.

Just for fun, here's a mix of Mora Sr.'s two best tirades...

Two Years Have Passed and I'm Still Blinded By Rage

Two years have passed. I've had a son, moved to Illinois and generally life is good. But if I glimpse one second of Super Bowl XL I have to fight the urge to throw a brick through my TV and then I have to talk myself out of being pissed for the rest of the day.

We all know that the officials did all they could to steal the game from us, but Seattle also missed opportunities to put more points on the board. That combination makes it the most painful experience I've ever had as a sports fan, and frankly one of the most unpleasant memories of my entire life.

Goddamn. Fuck. Shit. Fucking Pittsburgh Assholes. Who knows if we'll ever make it back. Fucking ruiners, fucking up our special year. Eat a cock, you fuckers.

Here's what I said back then:

“I knew it would be tough playing against the Steelers, but I didn’t know we’d also have to play the guys in stripes too.”

-Mike Holmgren at Seahawks Stadium rally, 2/6/06

We live in a bizzaro world today, my friends. We live in a world where a team that controls time of posession, gains more yards and wins the turnover battle loses the Super Bowl to the team whose young star quarterback posted a stellar 22.1 QB rating…

Aside from a few personal tragedies & tribulations that I won’t discuss here, I’ve never felt worse in my life than I do right now. It would be one thing for my beloved Seahawks to be outplayed or blown out by a better team in their first trip to the Super Bowl. It would be another to lose a well-played, close, hotly contested classic of a Super Bowl… But to lose a Super Bowl thanks to a lethal cocktail of incompetent, biased officiating & a series of self-inflicted spastic fuck-ups? It makes me want to bazooka barf non-stop for about a week.

Don’t misunderstand me here, though. I am not saying that the terrible officiating cost the Seahawks the game… We made too many of our own errors to claim that. However, the officials denied us a CHANCE to win the game. That is the ugly truth that has me sitting here fighting back tears as I bang this one out…

So why the anger? There were an astounding number of very questionable calls against the Seahawks, but let’s solely focus on the few EVERYONE agrees were incorrect:

1. Sean Locklear gets called for holding on a play that would have given Seattle a first and goal at the Steelers’ 1, down 14-10 with 12 minutes left in the game. Replays showed no evidence of Locklear committing a foul. Two plays later, Matthew threw a game-changing interception.

2. After that interception, Matt got called for a low block TRYING TO MAKE A TACKLE!!!! Inexplicable call, which led to Pittsburgh’s final TD.

3. First quarter: Darrell Jackson catches a touchdown pass from Hass. Replays show that the closest official makes no move to throw his flag UNTIL the Pittsburgh DB started furiously complaining. Oh, a Steeler complained? I must throw my yellow hanky! Replays also show that this was at best incidental contact, NOT offensive pass interference…

4. Roethisberger was clearly stopped at the one-inch line on a touchdown that made the score 7-3 Pittsburgh in the 2nd quarter. Replays show that the line judge started running in with one hand up as if to spot the ball, but then CHANGED HIS MIND and raised both hands to indicate a touchdown. This was not overturned by instant replay.

These penalites DIRECTLY cost Seattle at least 11 points (Which happened to be the margin in this game)…

I could go on, but you get the point. At many different moments, Seattle momentum was stopped cold by a very questionable flag. This directly contributed to a number of Seattle miscues, because it became clear that ANY questionable call was going to go against us. This took us out of the normal flow of our game plan and gave a distinct advantage to Pittsburgh.

Why did this happen? There is no vast conspiracy, but officials are human. They were in an environment where everyone was told for two weeks how Pittsburgh was supposed to win, and how great it would be if Jerome Bettis retired with a ring, and this is capped by a Ford Field festooned with terrible towel waving fans. Officials can be intimidated by crowds.. They can be overwhelmed by their surroundings. They can CHOKE. These officials did just that.

Why Not Us?

I just watched the 10-6 Giants take down the 16-0 Patriots.

There are NO excuses for not bringing home a Lombardi Trophy next year, Seahawks. To paraphrase Anthony Hopkins in The Edge: "What one team can do, another can do!"

As usual, I find myself jealous of the newly minted World Champs (who we play at the Meadowlands next year, by the way) and instantly depressed that the NFL season is over.

What a great Super Bowl... Nothing compares to the NFL.