Homecoming Game

It's official! I'll be in Seattle the weekend of October 11-13 to see my family, my Seattle-area friends, a PLU game (my brother James will be a sophomore DB for the Lutes) and of course the Seahawks-Titans dust-up. It's basically the same trip I made out west last November..

But it's not, is it? Last week I revealed some fairly important personal details here on the blog, and nothing is ever really going to be the same. I don't want this blog to turn into a running commentary about my transition, but if this is going to remain the deeply personal project it's been since the start, that shit's gonna have to be dealt with sometimes. This is one of those times.

Whenever I come out west to see a game, I run into people who recognize me from the blog. That's AWESOME. It's really gratifying to know that people enjoy what I write, and to know that I give voice to the segment of our fan base that isn't addled by a predisposition for defeatism and negativity. Things are different now, and at least a little bit awkward/scary- Now, anyone who recognizes me from the blog will also probably know that I'm transgender. Will people be as understanding/supportive in person as they've been on twitter/in the comments here on the blog? I hope so, but I really don't know. I can think of 100 different terrible things that might happen.

The thing that might confuse people is that even in October I'll most likely still be presenting myself as a "guy," at least in a public place I don't feel entirely safe within. I get closer to living as a woman every day, but it's still probably 6-12 months away from happening. So when I run into people at the game this October, uncomfortable questions will probably be asked, or at least reside on the tips of peoples' tongues.

That's all scary as shit to me, but I face far scarier things as part of this whole journey I've embarked upon. I often think of that bit in Glengarry Glen Ross when Alec Baldwin starts berating Alan Arkin (in terms of dealing with the stress associated with transitioning): "You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit?" I need to keep forcing myself out of my little comfort zone, and I'm certainly not going to stop going to Seahawks games because I'm afraid of what people might say to me.

You know what has been one of the constants in my life, as I questioned these incredibly basic things about my identity for decades? Loving the mother-fucking Seahawks. Some things aren't gonna change one goddamn bit: I'm still never going to miss a game, I'm still gonna pour my heart and soul into this blog, and when I come to Seahawks Stadium I'm going to scream until my skull is on the verge of popping whenever the enemy has the ball. The continuity of my Seahawks fandom while EVERYTHING else in my life changes is unbelievably comforting to me.

Last January, as I sat in my apartment crying after the Seahawks lost that playoff game in Atlanta, one of the first thoughts that gave me ANY comfort in that moment of despair was... "Now, when we win the Super Bowl, maybe you'll get to celebrate that win you've been waiting for your whole life as YOU. The real you. Johnnie, not Johnny." 

I'll see y'all in October. No matter what my apprehensions are, I can't fucking wait.

What do you think, sirs?

Regret, Remorse, and Reebok

For many fans, buying an NFL jersey isn't a frivolous decision. As I've talked about numerous times in this space, the jersey you choose to wear says a lot about you, and the high expense of a jersey (At least $100, unless you go the used/counterfeit route) forces one (or at least SHOULD force one) to deliberate seriously before making a decision.

Two things have happened in the past week that underline the inherent peril of buying an NFL jersey. Aaron Hernandez's arrest for first-degree murder is among the most henious examples one could ever imagine. Anyone out walking around in a Hernandez jersey right now might as well be wearing a sign that says "I Am A Giant Fucking Shitbird," so it makes sense that the Patriots are allowing many fans to turn in their tainted jerseys.

A less spectacular (and less troubling) example is Earl Thomas' decision to change the nameplate on the back of his jersey to "THOMAS III." Obviously, he has every right to wear the name on his jersey that he wants, but this is a HUGE pain in the ass for fans. Maybe I'm just way too anal and persnickety, but if I had an E.T. jersey that said "THOMAS" on the back, I'd be salty (and way less likely to wear the jersey).

All of this got me thinking about the phenomenon of "Jersey Regret," and I look at it from two angles. First, there's the regret associated with buying a jersey, then having to deal with the player sucking/being an asshole or a felon/leaving WAY too soon after you buy the jersey. Secondly, there's the regret associated with getting rid of a jersey, then later realizing you should have held onto it. Here's my top 5 most regrettable jersey purchases, and the top 5 jerseys I wish I had held onto...

Worst Purchases

5. Julian Peterson
Peterson was a productive player in his three Seattle seasons, but he filled me with rage (ok, not rage, but intense annoyance) when he changed his number from 59 to 98 before the 2008 season. I got BARELY a season of use out of my #59 Peterson jersey. Blerg.

4. Shaun Alexander (2002 Reebok Color Error)
This isn't because I'm an Alexander hater. I'm not. No- the problem was that the first batches of new Seahawks jerseys that came out in 2002 WERE THE WRONG COLOR. The shade of blue that was used in 2002 jerseys wasn't even close to what the players on the field were sporting. Reebok corrected that error in 2003, but that was too late for me and the $75 I pissed away.

3. Deion Branch
Thousands of Twelves are in the same leaky boat on this one. Branch was supposed to be a difference-making receiver, only two years removed from being Super Bowl MVP with the Patriots. He never came close to living up to that potential, or justifying the first-round pick we traded away for him. I also fell prey to the lure of "Hey, #83 looks good on me!" Yes, I am firmly convinced that some numbers look "better" on me than others. I need professional help.

2. John Carlson (2009 Neon Green)
Don't misunderstand me- I was (and still am) a John Carlson fan, and one of my favorite moments as a Seahawks fan was when I happened to meet his parents before a game in 2009. His brief time in Seattle was mostly awesome, and his two TDs against New Orleans in our 2010 Wild Card win should never be forgotten by the Twelve Army.

But I still TOTALLY regretted buying his jersey. For one thing, I got the infamous bright neon green version, which the team wore once in 2009, then never ever donned again. Personally, I liked those jerseys, but the fact that we never wore them again (and the fact that they're forever linked to the awful MoraHawks) soured me on them.

Also, I bought it in the summer of 2010. Carlson not only had a relatively disappointing season, but he got injured before the 2011 season, and left for Minnesota as a free agent in 2012. I wore it to one game. Ugh.

1. Josh Brown
It was the Spring of 2007. I was out in the Spokane area for a job interview, and while I was at one of the local malls I spied a Josh Brown jersey and couldn't resist the urge to buy it. Yes, now we all know him as The Traitor Josh Brown, but at that moment, his jersey was irresistible to me. In 2005 and 2006, Brown kicked SIX game winning field goals on the final play or in OT. In 2006, I saw two of these dramatic victories in person (at Detroit and v STL). I thought it would be really cool and unique to wear a kicker's jersey, and I thought #3 looked EXTREMELY good on me.

I had the fucking jersey for one year, then that little bastard bolted for St. Louis. I couldn't unload that thing on eBay fast enough.

Worst Unloadings

I used to have a HUGE problem with getting rid of Seahawks jerseys on eBay in times of financial need (or just when I was momentarily pissed at a player). I'm done with that crap. From now on, I plan to hold onto jerseys that I buy, simply because I don't know what the future will hold. Here's a few examples of how I learned this lesson...

BONUS NEAR MISS: I almost got rid of my Matt Hasselbeck jersey in 2011, but my friend Katie saved me from a grievous error I would have immediately regretted.

5. Ricky Watters
As I've said in this space before, I have very fond memories of Ricky Watters' years in Seattle. Every time I see a Twelve in a Watters jersey I think "that's DOPE!" I could be one of those people, but I unloaded my Watters jersey after he got eclipsed by Shaun Alexander. I'm not the best at long-term thinking, am I?

4. Warren Moon
I loved my Warren Moon jersey. I bought it at the height of his Seattle tenure, and the combo of that old school Seahawks royal blue and the number 1 just looked SHARP. After the 1998 season, it was clear that Jon Kitna was the (short term) QB of the future, and Moon left to play out the rest of his career in Kansas City. In a stupid and short-sighted move, I just unloaded the jersey onto my best friend's girlfriend, who couldn't have given less of a fuck about football but wanted the jersey to use as a nightgown. Fuck! If I still had that jersey I'd wear the SHIT out of it.

3. Cortez Kennedy and 2. Walter Jones
Holy shit. Why did I get rid of the jerseys of two of the top three players in franchise history? I don't even remember now.

1. Dave Krieg
In 2001, I sprung for a custom Dave Krieg road replica jersey. It was pricey, but that was the last year you could easily get customized "old school" Seahawks jerseys from NFL Shop, so I made it happen. The problem was I could only get it in a medium, and even at that time it was a snug fit. I remember letting my friend Katie wear it to a game in 2003 because she could actually fit in it (and she was SHOWERED with compliments on it, by the way). Unfortunately, I got even fatter and when I needed money at some point in 2004 I unloaded it. That was really fucking stupid, particularly since Krieg is my all-time favorite Seahawks player, and at some point I might actually fit into a medium jersey again. *sigh*

What are your stories of jersey regret? Share them in the comments!

Your 2013 Seahawks Jersey Buying Guide

With Seahawks Training Camp less than a month away, it's time for Twelves to think about buying a new jersey for the upcoming season. Particularly if you're planning on catching one of those public sessions at the VMAC, you don't wanna be the poor bastard that has to show up in a Matt Flynn jersey. So if you have the necessary means (at least $100 - Damn you, Nike!), now's the time to start your deliberations. First, my annual advice to all Twelves when it comes to jerseys:

As usual, I'm setting aside throwback jerseys and #12 FAN jerseys (though I've changed my tune on the #12's- Given how precarious roster spots are under PCJS's rule, I can't blame a fan for playing it safe with such a substantial investment). Remember that the Nike jerseys run a size smaller than the old Reebok ones- I used to wear a large, but I had to bump up to XL after Nike took over (and no, not because I got fatter, smart-ass). I also argue that there's really no compelling reason to buy the pricier Nike models. The $100 ones look just fine as far as I'm concerned. My biggest caution? NEVER PUT YOUR JERSEY IN THE DRYER! Dryers kill jerseys! Don't do it under any circumstances. With proper care, these Nike duds should hold up for a nice, long spell. If possible, wash them on the delicate cycle in cold water by themselves.

One bit of great news for fans is that NFL Shop has a wider selection of jersey options than I've seen anywhere else (Full disclosure: they're my main advertising partner, so I'm not going to pretend that I don't want you to buy your Seahawks gear by clicking through on one of the banner ads in the right column). Because of this, I'm not going to go through EVERY available jersey option like I have in past seasons.

So how should you decide on a jersey? For me, it basically comes down to four criteria

Awesomeness: How much ass does this guy kick? Why wear the jersey of "just a guy?" 

Longevity: How injury-prone is the player (I HATE wearing the jersey of an injured player)? How long is his contract? 

Originality: Will this help me stand out from the crowd? 

Likability: Is the player a decent human being, or at least not an obviously giant asshole? 

10 DON'T BUYS: Bruce Irvin, Chris Clemons, Golden Tate, Brandon Browner, Doug Baldwin, Walter Thurmond, Michael Robinson, Michael Bennett, Antoine Winfield.

These are the jerseys that carry the highest probability of causing serious buyer's remorse. Bruce Irvin still has potential, but why plunk down the money on the jersey of a guy who won't see the field until October due to his 4-game suspension? Chris Clemons might still be a monster this fall, but he IS coming off major knee surgery. It doesn't help his case in my eyes that he made what could be construed as homophobic remarks about potentially having a gay teammate. Tate, Baldwin, Robinson, Bennett, Winfield and Thurmond ALL might have great seasons, but all of them are also unrestricted free agents in 2014 (Browner will be a restricted free agent). Unless you want to emulate the awful Josh Brown mistake I made a few years back, just buy the jersey of a player with more years on his contract.

5 RISKY BUYS: Marshawn Lynch, Sidney Rice, Cliff Avril, K.J. Wright, John Moffitt
I own and proudly wear a Lynch jersey, but his style of play (and still-looming threat of a DUI-related suspension) would make me hesitant about buying one now. Sidney Rice won't be a free agent until 2016, but his relatively disappointing production in Seattle thus far (and history of injury problems) puts him in the "risky buy" category for me. Avril is a new free agent acquisition, and he's only under contract through 2014. Wright and Moffitt also become UFAs after the 2014 season.

5 SOLID BUYS: Zach Miller, Brandon Mebane, Russell Okung, Bobby Wagner, Red Bryant
All of these players are important contributors with a LOT of years left on their contracts and their jerseys carry the added cache of not being worn by thousands of Twelves already... Still, there's an elite half-dozen players that I think represent the best options for Twelves in the market for a new jersey this season...

6. Percy Harvin 
Harvin is an electrifying talent, and he will end up representing the Seahawks on the SportsCenter Top 10 regularly. He also is locked down contract-wise through 2018. The only reasons I have him at #6 are his injury history and the inherent uncertainty surrounding a player who has not yet worn a Seahawks uniform.

5. Max Unger 
I've always been apt to consider buying the jersey of an offensive lineman when the opportunity arises. Almost nobody seems to wear these guys' gear, so I automatically respect someone a bit more when I see them in an O-lineman's jersey. When you've got a lineman who was just voted All-Pro and is under contract through 2016, his jersey becomes an attractive option to me.

4. Earl Thomas and 3. Richard Sherman
Both these guys are spectacular talents, and I think both of them are on Ring-of-Honor or even Hall-of-Fame trajectories. The only thing that makes me even slightly hesitate with them is their UFA status after the 2014 season. I'm 95% percent sure they'll get extended and be career Seahawks, but with PCJS we just don't know yet... Which is why their fellow Legion-of-Boomer is above them at #2...

2. Kam Chancellor
The Slayer Of Vernon Davis. Bam-Bam Kam. The most feared, intimidating defensive back in the NFL. A total Ken-Easley-level BADass. He's also under contract through 2017, and you don't see TOO many of his jerseys at Seahawks Stadium, so buying his jersey is a choice that's hard to beat... But not impossible to beat.

1. Russell Wilson
Yes, everyone has (or will have) a Wilson jersey. In this case, who gives a damn? Hell, I already have one, and I want two more! He's our franchise quarterback, and the man who will bring a Lombardi Trophy back to the Emerald City. He'll be a career Hawk, and perhaps the best player in franchise history by the time he retires. Every Twelve should have a Wilson jersey if they can swing it financially. Any other jersey should simply be your back-up option.

What do you think, sirs? Am I totally wrong? Did I miss any interesting options? Let's hash it out in the comments!

Off-Topic: Yup, I'm Trans.

I've been posting to this blog for over five years now, and as my regular readers know, this has always been a very personal blog. Dave Krieg's Strike Beard has always been more about my personal journey as a Seahawks fan than anything else, but there's been one huge part of myself that I've hidden (for the most part) from y'all. In the wake of today's historic Supreme Court rulings on same-sex marriage, I simply can't hold this in anymore.

I'm transgender, and I'm in the process of transitioning from male to female. Now I'll follow in the footsteps of trans sportswriters like Christina Kahrl, Bobbie Dittmeier and Christine Daniels, and I hope the vast majority of you will still be interested in what I have to say about our beloved Seattle Seahawks.

A few years ago, I realized that I was DEEPLY unhappy living as a man and I decided that I needed to transition and start living as a woman. It didn't come out of nowhere- Since I was 8 or 9 years old, I have felt “different” and for a LONG time, that was it. Something was wrong, but I didn’t have a name for it. I battled severe anxiety and depression for years. I tried therapy, I tried Zoloft, etc. Nothing worked. But once I started taking steps towards transitioning from male to female, I wasn’t miserable any more. For the first time, I had real hope for the future, rather than a nebulous hope that following the social script handed to me from birth would work out somehow in the end.

About at year ago, I saw a doctor who pronounced me fit and gave me a prescription for Hormone Replacement Therapy, which I've been on since then. It’s a combination of estrogen and testosterone-blocking drugs that will, over time, change my appearance substantially. More importantly, they have almost completely eliminated the depression and anxiety I have been burdened with for decades. I am more relaxed and happier than I've ever been at any other time in my life. I’m also undergoing laser hair removal to eliminate my facial hair.

I’m intentionally taking a “slow-and-steady” approach to this process, and I intend to keep my given name, only changing the spelling slightly. It’s important for all of you to know that I’m not becoming a different person- I’m just becoming a happier, more well-adjusted one. My personality and interests won’t change. I will still love the Seahawks, I'll still nerd out about movies, TV, politics, and I'll still be with my incredibly wonderful and supportive girlfriend, who has been 100% behind my transition since the day we met. This has always been something I have struggled with mightily, and confronting it is one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.

Why am I announcing this on my blog? I'm hoping for support and encouragement- If you can't give that to me, I'd prefer that you keep those feelings to yourself. I'm coming out to an ever-growing circle of people over time, and it just feels like the right time to come out to my fellow Twelves. I'm still not officially out in terms of my job or day-to-day life yet, and I hope all of you respect that decision, as well as my privacy. Finally, this is your chance to ask (respectful) questions (within reason) about what I'm doing and what my plans are, if you'd like.

Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for your support.

King Felix and... President Wilson?

Long-time readers might already know this, but I'm not a "Seattle Sports Fan." Yes, I grew up in the Pacific Northwest (in the stark atomic splendor of the Tri-Cities). Yes, I became a rabid Seahawks fan back in '83 when I was eight years old. But the Mariners didn't move me- I became enthralled by Roger Clemens and latched onto the Red Sox for life. The Sonics? They were a fun, competitive team back in the 1980s, but I have always followed players more than teams when it comes to the NBA. When I moved away from the Northwest to Columbus, I adopted the Blue Jackets and Crew as my local rooting interests... So the Seahawks are the ONLY Seattle team that I root for.

Does this mean I hate the other Seattle teams? Nah. Unless they're playing the Red Sox or the Crew, I prefer that Seattle teams win, given my affinity for the area and the large number of friends I have back west. Do I get jealous and bitchy about the other Seattle teams if they're ever in some sort of conflict with the Seahawks? Hell yes. I remember I was out for a visit to Seattle right after the 9/11 attacks, and I was supposed to go to the Seahawks/Chiefs game that Sunday, but it was postponed until the end of the 2001 season.

I was out at breakfast with a friend, and I was lamenting the fact that there wasn't a game that day. I understood why there was no game, but watching the Seahawks would have cheered ME up, at least. This total stranger in Mariners garb decides to chime in with "Pffft. Seahawks? Who gives a crap about THEM?"

With murder in my eyes, I said "I do. And when did you get that M's gear? October of '95?" Back in the 90s, when the Sonics and Mariners were captivating all my friends, I SEETHED. To this day, I somewhat irrationally get peeved when Sounders fans call a crowd of 40,000 at our shared stadium a "sellout." The Seahawks have been selling EVERY seat for EVERY game in that arena since 2003... So you get the picture- I'm fiercely defensive and sensitive about the Seahawks' place in the local sports pecking order.

Russell Wilson throwing out the first pitch at the Mariners game last night got me cogitating. If you look across the history of Seattle professional sports, who are the most "iconic" figures? The ones who captured the imaginations of millions, both in the region and nationally/internationally? I hate to say this, but as great as Steve Largent, Walter Jones, Cortez Kennedy and every other Seahawks legend has been, none of them ever became popular phenomenons like Ken Griffey Jr., Ichiro, Shawn Kemp or Gary Payton did (Edgar Martinez also has his rabid adherents, but I'd argue his stature is much more localized in nature).

To me this is fascinating- The Mariners have had peaks of great success, but overall their history is much more forlorn than the Seahawks' past. Despite that (and the M's current struggles), Felix Hernandez is BY FAR the biggest individual figure on the Seattle sports landscape right now. Kemp and Payton were a spectacular duo, but they played for a team that no longer exists (sorry, Sonics fans). So why haven't we seen a Seahawk reach those heights of popular obsession?

Part of it is almost certainly the simple fact that football players wear helmets that render them somewhat anonymous, and they play a sport that is much more focused on team success than individual accomplishments. If you look at Seahawks history specifically, our three greatest players are a left tackle, a (prolific) possession receiver, and a defensive tackle. None of those positions lend themselves to an easy embrace from the larger public.

Who are (most of) the most popular, well-known, endorsement-laded NFL players? Quarterbacks. Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees have transcended those natural limits football inherently places on individual super-stardom. This morning I was watching ESPN and Linda Cohn was GUSHING about Russell Wilson throwing out the first pitch at the M's game, even throwing in a Wilson-esque "Go Hawks!" at the tail-end of the segment. That's just one reason I think Russell Wilson is on the verge of becoming the most towering figure in Seattle sports history. Ten years from now, I think he will have eclipsed even Junior in dominance of Seattle sports consciousness. Why?

First, he's going to be a prolific quarterback on a highly successful team, who will regularly show up on SportsCenter's Top Plays. If/when Seattle wins a Super Bowl, he'll ROCKET into the Brady/Manning/Rodgers stratosphere nationally. Beyond that, he has a great backstory: The third round pick who was too short to be a successful QB, but who won over doubters at EVERY point in his career. The kid's got a little Kurt Warner in him. It also doesn't hurt one bit that he's humble, grounded, telegenic and handsome. One can easily imagine him going into broadcasting after his NFL career ends (or even politics, if he was so inclined). To put it another way, he's a total dreamboat who can fucking BALL. I truly believe this kid will be bigger than Luck or RGIII. Someday, his statue will be in the North Plaza of Seahawks Stadium- Ten feet tall and forever running to victory. I already kinda wish I had a Wilson jersey for every day of the week.

What do you think, sirs?