August 31, 2010

"Let's Hope the Ship Has a Captain"

"...People would like to think that there's somebody up there who knows what he's doing. Since we don't participate, we don't control and we don't even think about questions of vital importance. We hope somebody is paying attention who has some competence. Let's hope the ship has a captain, in other words, since we're not taking part in what's going on...

It is an important feature of the igeological system to impose on people the feeling that they really are incompetent to deal with these complex and important issues: they'd better leave it to the captain. One device is to develop a star system, an array of figures who are media creations or creations of the academic propaganda establishment, whose deep insights we are supposed to admire and to whom we must happily and confidently assign the right to control our lives and to control international affairs...."

- Noam Chomsky

The Josh Wilson trade reminds us how utterly unempowered and helpless we are as fans. We are emotionally connected and committed to a sports franchise, and when they make a move we hate, our options are pretty fucking limited. If you wanted to retort to the Chomsky quote above, you could at least argue that as citizens in a democracy we could force social change through various actions at the ballot box, and if need be, in the streets.

However, as sports fans, what can we do? We can vote with our dollars by refusing to buy tickets, merchandise, etc... but if you do that, then come back once the team starts winning again, you'll be labeled a fair-weather, bandwagon-jumping mother fucker.

So we can gnash our teeth, howl at the darkness, write brilliant, impassioned blog posts... but at the end of the day, unless we are willing to follow through with threats to cut off our financial support for the team, it's sound and fury signifying blah blah blah...

What am I going to do? I'm going to hope and pray to the ghost of Dave Brown that Pete Carroll knows what the fuck he's doing. I'm going to hold off judgement until I see what the results are on the field. Here are the best-and-worst-case scenarios:

Worst: Thurmond doesn't live up to Schneider and Carroll's expectations. Our pass defense blows this season, leading to a 6-10 or worse finish. Josh Wilson hoists the Lombardi Trophy as a Baltimore Raven next February, and the pick we got in return never amounts to jack shit.

Best: Thurmond is a fucking revelation. He helps lead a young talented secondary to great success, and helps the Seahawks back into the playoffs (thus easing the blow of whatever success Wilson enjoys in Baltimore). In addition, the pick acquired in the Wilson trade turns into a valuable, contributing player.

The reality will be somewhere between those two extremes. Carroll will ultimately be revealed as a genius, a buffoon, or some variety of mediocrity in the middle of that spectrum. We simply don't know, and will receive NO answers AT ALL until the Seahawks hit the field on September 12 against the Niners.

For now, I am choosing to believe. I am choosing optimism, because pessimism is just too fucking painful. I have faith in this team, even if I STRONGLY disagree with this trade.

I hate quoting that evil fucker down in Oakland, but Just Win, Baby.

Pretty Please?

Predictions for the 2010 Seahawks

First, go over to Field Gulls to see my breakdown of the ENTIRE upcoming NFL season. Then come back here and look at my detailed predictions for our boys in blue and green...

-The lead: Seattle goes 9-7 and wins the NFC West based on a head-to-head sweep of the 49ers. In the Wild Card game against Minnesota, the favored Vikings fall 28-19 due to two Adrian Peterson fumbles and three Favre interceptions; With Seattle clinging to a 21-19 lead late in the game, the Vikings reach midfield before Pro Bowler Marcus Trufant steps in front of an ill-advised Favre pass- Tru runs it back 63 yards for the clinching TD, and Qwest goes absolutely apeshit.

The following week in the divisional playoff at the Georgia Dome, Seattle fights eventual XLV winner Atlanta for 60 minutes before finally succumbing 20-14.

-Postseason awards: Pete Carroll wins NFL Coach of the Year honors, and Earl Thomas is named NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year.

-Pro Bowlers: Marcus Trufant, Lofa Tatupu, Earl Thomas

-Team MVP: Matt Hasselbeck, who starts 14 of 16 games. Seattle goes 9-5 with Beck under center, and Matthew puts up this stat line: 299/475 for 3672 yards, with 27 TDs and 11 interceptions. Passer rating? 96.0

Season highlights:

-Week 1 (Seahawks 31, 49ers 17)
Seattle jumps all over SF early, building a 17-0 halftime lead based thanks to a Leon Washington TD run and and Earl Thomas interception return. The Niners cut the lead to 24-17 in the 4th before Mike Williams takes a slant pattern 61 yards for the clinching TD.

-Week 7 (Seahawks 45, Cardinals 10)
The Hawks emphatically end Arizona's brief reign over the division behind four Hasselbeck TD passes and two defensive scores (one each from Tatupu and Trufant).

-Week 13 (Seahawks 27, Niners 26)
By mid-December, the Hawks toasty 3-1 start cools to a 6-6 mark. The 49ers bounce back from an 0-4 start to stand at 7-5. Very few people give Seattle a chance to take back control of the division with a road win at Candlestick... But the Hawks find a way to force SF to kick FGs instead of score TDs, and Beck gets the ball with 1:47 left at his own 20, down by 2.

In the drive of the season, Hasselbeck whips the Seattle offense down the field, hitting Housh at midfield to convert on a 4th and 10... A draw to Justin Forsett gets Seattle to the SF 30, where Beck has to clock it with 10 seconds left. Mare buries the 47-yarder, and Seattle wins the game of the year in the NFC West.

-Week 17 (Seahawks 44, Rams 14)
Seattle enters the final day of the regular season needing a win over the 4-11 Rams or a Cardinals win over the Niners to clinch the NFC West. The 6-9 Cards trail the Niners all day and go down to defeat, but there isn't much cause for scoreboard watching with the Seahawks dropping a 40-burger on STL. Backed by 67,000 maniacs, Seattle takes the field in its bright green 3rd jerseys (SQUEEE!) and never gives Bradford and the Rams an opening... In an echo of 1983 and 2005, the Hawks take a curtain call after the game, mingling with the fans and reveling their return to the top of the NFC West.

You heard it here first, dear readers.

August 29, 2010

Vikings 24, Seahawks 13 (and a run-in with a Browns fan)

"Yay! I made it through the game without Jaren Allen snapping my legs off!"

First a pre-game anecdote:

I was at Jimmy John's to get some lunch to bring to my lovely wife (if you're not familiar with this chain, they're better than Subway but not as good as Potbelly's), and since it was gameday I was dressed to the twelves, so to speak. The clerks were a pair of teenagers (or perhaps young adults), a guy and a girl. The whole transaction gets off to a rough start, when the female wage slave pulls this move on me:

Me: "Can I please get a-"
FWS: "No."

Yes, witty. No one's ever done that before. Maybe that's why so many people have dropped the "please" and just bark orders at you sarcastic little shits.... anyway... Then, when I try to pay in cash, she gives me a look like "Dude, I've got a lot of tables." She literally has to ask the male wage slave for help making change. At this point, I'm just trying to complete this transaction and get out of there with my food. While they are making my sandwiches, I go to the bathroom. When I get out, my sandwiches are ready, but no pickle. I point this out, and female wage slave says "Nick, this guy needs you to grab his pickle."

HARF DERP HARF!

So male wage slave wraps up a pickle, and out of nowhere tells me "you're lucky I'm even giving you a pickle, with what you are wearing."

Me: "What do you mean?"
MWS: "I hate the Seahawks."
Me: "What's your team?"

Now I'm expecting the reply to be Niners.. Rams... Cardinals... Raiders... Broncos... Hell, maybe even Steelers. His answer?

"The Browns."

I go shithouse on the guy- "What could possibly be the connection between liking the Browns and hating the Seahawks?" Female wage slave muses "ooh! Touchy!" (Fuck you!) Male wage slave: "I dunno... I just hate them."

Me: "Well enjoy our old coach making your crappy team decent!"
MWS: "Whatever."

The female wage slave sarcastically told me to have a nice day. Unfortunately, I was so blinded by rage I couldn't think of a pithy retort, so I just stormed out.

I can't tell you how often I run into completely unprovoked, random hostility towards the Seahawks... As I wrote in this space before, does this shit happen to fans of other teams? Feel free to share your tales of inexplicably intense hostility towards the Seahawks in the comments, friends.

Side note: Either I have met EVERY asshole in the Browns fan base, or I have to conclude that Cleveland fans are disproportionately ignorant, mean-spirited, bitter douchebuckets. Have fun with these guys, Coach Holmgren!

Onto the game: I don't have any insights more informed or novel than you'd find over at Field Gulls, but I'll say a few things anyway.

-Special teams seemed to take a step backwards this week, allowing too many big returns and missing a very make-able field goal.

-I feel like I've been saying this since about 1985, but our defense has to find a cure for its "can't get off the field on 3rd down" woes. Overall I think the defense is going to be MUCH improved compared to 2009, but this is our concern, dude.

-MVP today? Mansfield Wrotto. Thanks for keeping Matthew (and our season) intact.

-Did Kenny Easley hop in a Delorean back in 1985, show up in Minneapolis last night, and put on Earl Thomas' uniform?

-Fuck you Brett Favre. Three turnovers, no TDs. What an overrated pile of cat turds.

-What was up with the Seahawks radio crew's constant Favre slurping? Who the fuck do they think is the audience for that amongst Seahawks fans?

-When Mare missed that field goal, I swear I could hear Jim Mora swearing loudly at his TV...

-There are tons of things to nitpick about this performance, but I'm pleased. I think we're on track to royally fuck up SF week 1.

What do you think, sirs?

Programming note: I killed the new DKSB facebook page after it got hacked overnight. Fuck that. I don't need to deal with that shit... we're still going strong here, on twitter, and sometimes on Field Gulls, though!

August 27, 2010

Green Revolution Update

I wore my new Touchdown Jeebus jersey out and about yesterday here in Toledo, and I can report a couple of things to y'all:

A) In one store somebody asked me where I got it, and in another, a kid told me it looked "awesome." If people had feelings of revulsion towards it or ran to the nearest eyewash station, they didn't mention it to me.

B) At Cardboard Heroes, which is a sports apparel shop in Toledo's Franklin Park Mall, they had a few bright green Tatupu jerseys for sale. I commented on it, and the clerk said "yeah, we've sold a few... They're very distinctive."

So there you go. Very unscientific, but it looks like the bright green is establishing a beachhead (at least with the younger folks). If YOU like the bright green jerseys, don't just sit there and let them stay "retired." Contact the Seahawks organization and let them know you want to see the Hawks festooned in Slurms MacKenzie's favorite jerseys... Wimmy-Wham-Wham-Wazzle!

Side note: I think the Seahawks are a slight uniform tweak for immortal awesomeness. For the home unis, all I'd do is change the shade of blue on the helmet to the darker blue on the pants and jersey sleeves. For road unis? Dark blue helmet, pants and sleeves with the bright green jerseys.

Perfect!

What do you think, sirs?

August 26, 2010

A Creeping Sense of Impending Doom

I don't know if I've ever been more nervous before a preseason game than I am right now. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is Wrotto missing an assignment, and E.J. Henderson (that fucker is back) tearing up Hasselbeck's knee... but this time he finishes the job. Beck ends up out for the year, and the Seahawks' 2010 season will be Boom. Roasted.

Because I'm not sitting here twiddling my thumbs waiting for Saint Jake to arrive in 2011. I want to win THIS YEAR, and our best chance to do that is with a healthy, unspoiled, upright Hasselbeck under center. I'm out of the broadcast area for Saturday's game, but I'm sure I'll find it streaming somewhere online... For the first time I can remember, a BIG part of me doesn't want to watch.

I feel like Adrian before Rocky fought Ivan Drago. I almost want to scream at Pete Carroll "You can't win!" I CERTAINLY would prefer that Beck not even take the field Saturday. We KNOW he's ready for the Niners in week 1; Why not give Whitehurst 4 quarters and see what we've got?

But I know that's kind of a wuss move, and won't happen. I also know (in this case thankfully) that my instincts, my gut, are wrong A LOT. Adrian was wrong about that Drago fight, and my pissing-myself anxiety is probably unjustified.

Still, I'll be watching with my eyes half covered. Be safe, Matthew. Be safe, Seahawks. Make it to the games that count.

To cheer us all up, here's the training montage from Rocky IV:



and a picture of me with my daughter Lily from earlier today