March 18, 2010

Don't Shave, Charlie!

As you all know, a beard makes any guy instantly 1000% more awesome. From Jesus to Zach Galafinakis, beards have been THE SHIT. Even Saddam Hussein looked cooler with a beard before taking a ride on the ol' neck swing, and though I shave mine off once in a while, I always come crawling back to my glorious face-parka.

Charlie Whitehurst, you look fucking DOPE. You're gonna get a lot of pressure to trim that hair and shave the beard. DON'T! Who needs another naked-faced, short-haired QB? I love Hass, but from the neck up he's Mr. Bigglesworth. You're in the Pacific Northwest now, and the Vancouver-Seattle-Portland corridor is probably the beard capital of North America. Don't pull a Johnny Damon, my man... Us beardos need a champion, and you could be the one to lead us into a hirsute golden age!

If you lead Seattle back to contention, they'll be selling wigs and fake beards as "Whitehurst costumes" at fucking QFC, bro. Hell, they might give em out to the fans at Qwest! Just imagine 65,000 screaming lunatics striking a Jesus Christ Pose in your honor... Succeed, and you will be a legend. Succeed with that mighty beard, and Gillette might have to close up shop in South Alaska.

What do you think, sirs?


Chris Sullivan said...

Jake Gyllenhaal + Matthew Fox + Bearded Glory = Charlie Whitehurst.

JRuss said...

Word. He's got his beard mojo working. I saw someone in one of the fan forums call him a dirty hippie, I think in jest...err, I hope in jest.

Kurt said...

I wondered when you were going to say something about the beard. Nicely done, sir.