Raising a Seahawks fan.. So far so good.

Three times in the last couple of weeks, my 2-year-old son Jack has gotten up in the morning, went right to his dresser, and pulled out Seahawks gear that he wanted to wear. Next to his first steps and first word, these are my proudest moments as a parent.

One of the few things I really shared with my dad growing up was love for the Seahawks. When I was a wee 8-year-old fan, he took me to my first game at the dome in 1983. The Seahawks beat the Patriots 24-6 and made the playoffs for the first time ever, and I was hooked for life. I hope I can share that same sort of Seahawks-related joy with my kid...

I'm fully aware that this could go sour over the long term. Growing up out here in the midwest, he could end up a Rams or Bears fan. Even worse, he could grow up to be some emo or goth kid decrying my love for a "corporate bloodsport." Ugh.

But just like the cylons, I have a plan... I've exposed him to the Seahawks from day one, and used NFL Sunday Ticket and NFL network to aggressively indoctrinate him. He'll never have to miss a chance to watch the Hawks, thanks to the miracle of satellite television.

The biggest part of the plan is a trip to Qwest Field with him during the 2014 season. He'll be 8 years old, and I'll pick a game the Hawks are pretty sure to win.. We play Oakland at home that year... they'll probably still fucking suck, and I can build up his hatred of the Raiders to boot! If I'm lucky, Lofa will still be playing for Seattle at that point.. and who knows... Maybe 39-year-old Hass will still be the QB :-]

Anyway, that should be enough to hook the kid for life. Which leads to a question sort of inspired by one of the current polls: How did you become a Seahawks fan? Was it handed down to you, or did you find the Hawks on your own? Do you root for just Seattle teams (I don't... I root for the Red Sox almost as passionately as I do for the Seahawks, which made things a little weird the couple of times I've gone to a Red Sox game at Safeco on Saturday and a Hawks game on Sunday... This summer I might be able to pull off going to see the Sox at Safeco and a trip to Seahawks training camp during the same week..)?

Good Riddance, Favre.

"You're still not as good as me, you overrated asswedge."

This is where I'm supposed to magnanimously wax poetic about the career of Brett Favre, right? Pffft. Fuck that guy. My only regret is that we'll probably have to put up with him as an announcer from here on out and suffer through days of masturbatory reflections on his overlong and overrated career.

First of all, I know he's racked up all these passing records, but he's also pulled these tricks off:

-SIX interceptions in a 2001 playoff game at STL
-That astoundingly stupid interception he tossed in OT at Philly in the 2003 Playoffs
-An even STUPIDER interception in OT of this year's NFC title game v. NYG

Oh, but I'm supposed to forgive him because he was "just trying to make a play," right? Fuck that noise. In fact, I'd rank ALL of these QBs above him on my all-time list:

1. Joe Montana
2. Dan Marino
3. John Elway
4. Payton Manning
5. Tom Brady
6. John Unitas
7. Terry Bradshaw
8. Roger Staubach
9. Steve Young
10. Troy Aikman

Suck on that Favre... You're not even in the top ten, you pill-popping douche.

The fucked thing is this: Green Bay has only won three playoff games since 1998, and two were against the Seahawks. Fuck!

I can't wait to watch us make Aaron Rodgers our bitch at Qwest next fall...

I feel ya, Sonics fans.

As I've said here before, I'm an asshole. One bit of evidence to support this is the 1996 NBA finals. I was going to college at Western, and at the end of my junior year I was still living in the Fairhaven dorms (they're really fucking sweet dorms.. plus, I lost my v-chip in March of 96 at that dorm, so it must have had good mojo).

While everyone else showed up to watch the Sonics battle the Bulls dressed in Seattle regalia, there I was in my MJ jersey. I relished playing the villain, and was a total dick about it to boot. I even taunted a female friend's MOM about those finals.

That doesn't mean I lack sympathy for Sonics fans right now. They're all but certain to lose their team soon, as its scalawag ownership prepares to leave the nation's fourteenth largest media market for the 45th biggest (fuck you, OKC). You can read some Sonic fan reactions here...

We all went through this in 1996 (not that long before the Sonics played in the NBA finals), when Ken Behring announced his intention to move the Seahawks to L.A.

Shit.. That fat old fuck even moved the team's equipment down south, and it was only the intervention of Paul Allen that prevented the Seattle Seahawks from becoming the L.A. Blackhawks (or some other dumbfuck new name). There was no way I could stay loyal to the organization if they moved. I even went through the mental progression of picking out a new team to root for, in case the apocalypse actually happened. The finalists were:

-Buffalo
-New England
-Green Bay
-Pittsburgh

I eventually settled on New England, because I loved Drew Bledsoe and I was already a Red Sox fan. Thankfully it never came to that; Allen bought the team and I became a season ticket holder when he slashed the price of upper-deck end zone tickets to $10 in 1997. Those seats are $37 now, but they'll have to pry them from my cold, dead hands.

We are lucky enough to root for one of the best organizations in sports. We have a billionaire owner who is smart enough not to meddle, and we have the best stadium in the NFL. We also have a hall-of-fame coach and a team that is a legit Super Bowl contender.

Before we bitch and moan about how free agency is going, remember those dark days of 1996, and how close we came to the pain Sonics fans are about to endure.

Sorry, my basketball-loving brethren... You don't deserve this shit. Maybe this youtube clip of Shawn Kemp dunks will cheer you up?

Anger is a Gift

DKSB's poll on "Most Hated Team" has concluded, and here's the results:

-San Francisco 49ers: 5% (3 votes)

I actually used to kinda like the Niners back in Seattle's AFC West days unless they were playing the Hawks. Rice, Montana, Lott, Craig, etc... Unless you were a Cowboys or Bengals fan, how could you not like those guys?

I got over that pretty quickly when T.O. busted out his sharpie. Fucktard.

Worst Moment vs: Owens pulling out the sharpie on MNF and the Hawks not running down to the end zone en masse to beat him to death.

Best Moment vs: Winning at Candlestick on the final week of 2003 to stay alive for a playoff spot.

-St. Louis Rams: 5% (3 votes)

There is nothing likeable about the Rams. They're a carpetbagging itinerant team who plays inside of a glorified airplane hangar. They tormented us from 2002-2004, but since then we've owned their pathetic, coal-black souls. I'd guess that STL would have gotten more votes if the poll was taken after Josh Brown signed with them.

Worst moment vs: All of 2004, but specifically blowing a 27-10 4th quarter lead at Qwest.. It was all downhill after that.

Best moment vs: Despite his recent betrayal, JB's game-winning kick at STL in 2006 will always be one of my favorite moments in team history.

-Denver Broncos: 9% (5 votes)

The oldsters around here probably still have deep emotional scars from the Elway years. The horse-faced wonder threw for more TDs/yards and won more games against Seattle than any other team. It was a fucking nightmare, kids.

Worst moment vs: Losing to Denver at the Kingdome in the 1984 season finale, blowing a first-round bye.

Best moment vs: Steve Largent destroying Mike Harden in a 1987 win at the Kingdome.

-Dallas Cowboys: 18% (10 votes)

Unless you live in the Dallas metro area, rooting for the Cowboys makes you an utter douchefuck who the entire county loathes. America's team my balls. From Miami to Seattle, from San Deigo to Boston, Americans are united in hatred of that fucking club. I mean, jeez... Hitler is a fan!



Worst moment vs: That MNF collapse at Qwest in 2004... I'm STILL waiting for a decent explanation for the booth failing to review Keyshawn Johnson's "touchdown" late in the game

Best moment vs: Our 21-20 win at Qwest in the 2006 Wild Card playoff.

-L.A./Oakland Raiders: 20% (11 votes)

Another favorite target of national hate, but we battled them for over 20 years in the AFC West. How much did we all hate the Raiders? Behring's greatest crime besides trying to move the team to California was hiring Tom "I teabag Al Davis' wrinkly ballsack" Flores as head coach in 1992. I'm still half-convinced he coached us to 2-14 on purpose... Fucking L.A. Raider sleeper agent.

Worst moment vs: Bo Jax stampeding us on MNF at the dome in 1987.

Best moment vs: Winning at L.A. in the final game of the 1988 season to clinch Seattle's first division title.

-Pittsburgh Steelers: 40% (22 votes)

I guess I don't really need to explain this one, do I? If so, go read this..

Fuck Pittsbugh. If the football gods like us, they will allow us to stomp their asses in XLIII and we can wipe away their various guts and bodily fluids with those stupid yellow towels their fans wave around.

Josh Brown: Worse than Hutch?

Oh JB, I had such a man crush on you. I even bought your jersey last year. Now you've become so convinced that you're Adam Viniateri that, just like him, you've left the team you made your name with to join their hated rivals. You're also now the highest paid kicker in the NFL, even though you STILL would have accomplished that if you had accepted Seattle's latest offer.

Yup, Josh Brown jumped to the Rams for an extra $200,000. What a fucking douche. As Seahawk Addicts argued, Brown is quite a good kicker but still expendable. I actually think JB's decision here is more despicable than Hutchinson's two years ago. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Hutch at least leave for a MUCH larger deal than Seattle put on the table? We'll hopefully use the free cap room to help sign a guy like Alge Crumpler, and replace JB with a cheap youngster in the draft.

Brown gave us a lot of great memories, but at this point I look forward to him shanking a couple when the Hawks play at STL next year (just like he did in XL, by the way). I'll be there to bray in shameful joy. :-]

That's the last time I buy a fucking kicker's jersey. Assbag.

UPDATE: Here I am a year ago with my favorite birthday present. Now I'll have to garage sale this fucker for two bits like I did with my Galloway jersey.