January 11, 2010

Welcome Back to the Next Level, Coach Carroll

That thing is a mere trinket compared to what you're after now, Coach.

Dear Coach,
Let me be the first to welcome you to Seahawks Nation. You've chosen your NFL re-entry point wisely, sir. The Twelve Army controls more geographic territory than any other NFL fan base, with its lands stretching from Nome to Boise. You experienced the wrath of Northwest football fans as the enemy in Seattle, Pullman, Corvallis and Eugene... Imagine that passion collected, amplified, focused in one spot and ON YOUR SIDE. That's the raw, brutal power of the Twelve Army.

With your college ball experience, I'm sure you're an old pro at getting the fans riled up... It won't take much in Seattle... Just talk about how loud you need us to be in your press conferences, and take any perceived slight toward Seahawks fans and milk it shamelessly... We eat that up like Tim's Cascade Style chips.

Every home game will be a deafening sellout, and if you achieve even a modest level of success, you will soon be a Demi-God like figure to millions of fans. Win a Super Bowl? How do you like the idea of a statue in your likeness outside Qwest Field the size of a Na'vi warrior?

You already conquered college football, and are rich beyond even the limits of Han Solo's imagination. But you're no dummy: The resume of any football coach is incomplete without success in the NFL. You've proven yourself doubly astute by signing up with the Seahawks: Billionaire owner, best fans and best stadium in the NFL, best training facility, and 3 of the top 40 picks in April's draft.

Culturally, you're a great fit.. West coast guy, sorta new-agey, addled with ADD and an Obama voter. If you weren't ridiculously famous, you could easily blend into the crowd pretty much anywhere in Seattle. Many traditionalists assume you will fail, but I think they are discounting how well you and your new environment are going to mesh. The aspects of your personal style that drove folks nuts in NY and New England will barely register in Seattle.

Speaking of New England, I have a friend who is a Patriots fan, and judging from how HE talks about you, Pete Carroll is synonymous with "The Great Satan." He thinks you drove a talented Patriots team into the ground, but A) You did go 10-6, 9-7 and 8-8 in three years with two playoff trips and B) You have to have learned from those mistakes over the last decade (I hope).

Many Seahawks fans are skeptical of you, and are assuming the worst: That you are Dennis Erickson 2: The Meekquel. However, I like that you were smart enough to back off from your demands for Total Control, and you appear to be assembling an impressive, exciting coaching staff. Put me in the "cautiously optimistic" column right now. We all hope you and Tod Leiweke choose wisely when selecting a GM... We need a guy not only with a great eye for talent, but someone who can navigate through the uncertainty of the uncapped 2010 season and the possible labor chaos in 2011.

I'm ready to take the leap of faith that you will lead the Seahawks to glory, Coach Carroll... I don't expect a playoff berth in year one, but I do expect to see a Seattle team that plays hard for 60 minutes every week. I'd say seven wins is a good goal for 2010, but don't tell the team that...

We're behind you, Coach. You have a chance to become a football immortal in Seattle. Don't blow it.

1 comment:

bleedshawkblue said...

Ahhhh, the Bearded Voice of Reason...

Our new head coach took a Super Bowl loser to 10-6,9-7 and 8-8 with his core group of guys getting progressively more beat up from all those deep playoff runs and low draft picks? That's a helluva lot better record than Belicheat posted in his first round as a head coach, and would have been good for 12-4 in the NFC Worst of the late 2000s.

Then he goes on and posts a record of something like 96-17 (check my facts, willya nerds?) with 2 national titles in 9 years? While playing a brutal nonconference schedule against top-quality competition, nearly bereft of the Mother Theresa State-heavy scheduling so often done by SEC teams to inflate their win-loss record and impress the likes of Timmay!!! Ruskell and Those Commie Bastards at the BCS Politburo.

With MANY years of undefeated East Coast time zone road trips.

And bunches and bunches of the players he's developed currently enjoying productive pro careers, including guys who RODE THE BENCH at SC. And a proven track record of having developed guys to the pro level at not only our strength areas (Linebackers) but our weak ones (RB, O and D lines, Secondary).

Therefore, in conclusion, Fucking Chicken Little Fucking Whining Bandwagon fans can Fucking Bite Me!!!