For the first time in 16 years, I'm not hosting or attending a Super Bowl party this Sunday- The last time I didn't really "do anything" for Super Bowl Sunday it was 1995 and I was a Sophomore living in the Fairhaven dorms at Western... So while I'm excited about watching the game, I'm also reminded about the sorry state of my social life.
That's just part of a cocktail of dread and melancholy for me going into XLV- I can't stand the idea that the Steelers might win a 7th Super Bowl, and the knowledge that we'll get plunged into CBA uncertainty when the clock hits 0:00 is a MAJOR downer. See, I'm an anxious, depressive, obsessive person, and one of the things that makes my life more tolerable (besides pharmaceuticals) is routine. The uncertainty about the 2011 NFL season is a MAJOR blow to the comfortable annual routines I'm accustomed to, and it's already fucking with me.
What is to be done? Unfortunately, in my case, nothing. I "get" the argument that fans should vote with their dollars and punish the league if there is a work stoppage, and I certainly agree that we shouldn't watch replacement/scab games if they happen again. However, even if there is a worst-case scenario including most or even ALL of the 2011 season getting wiped out- I'll still be back watching the first game involving the real Seahawks as if nothing happened.
I'm less a fan than I am a dependent, pathetic addict. I came running back to the NFL the second the '87 strike ended, and I was back following my Red Sox IMMEDIATELY after the '94 strike wiped out the World Series. The teams I love are not things I'm good at evaluating rationally- my feelings about the Seahawks are wrapped up in nostalgia and identity, and fairly impervious to common sense or reasoned argumentation.
In many ways I'd be better off if I was less invested in the Seahawks- I'd have more free time, I'd probably take up new hobbies, and become a more well-rounded person. But in a real way, if I wasn't crazy about the Seahawks I wouldn't really be ME anymore- I've carried this around for 27 of my 35 years on Earth, and I wouldn't really know who I was without that. I HAVE matured and gained a bit of perspective as I've gotten older, but the notion of missing a Seahawks game- ANY regular-season or post-season Seahawks game- fills me with panic.
So after Sunday? Total helplessness and silent panic until the players and owners reach a new CBA.. for me, at least.
Enjoy the game!