August 29, 2010

Vikings 24, Seahawks 13 (and a run-in with a Browns fan)

"Yay! I made it through the game without Jaren Allen snapping my legs off!"

First a pre-game anecdote:

I was at Jimmy John's to get some lunch to bring to my lovely wife (if you're not familiar with this chain, they're better than Subway but not as good as Potbelly's), and since it was gameday I was dressed to the twelves, so to speak. The clerks were a pair of teenagers (or perhaps young adults), a guy and a girl. The whole transaction gets off to a rough start, when the female wage slave pulls this move on me:

Me: "Can I please get a-"
FWS: "No."

Yes, witty. No one's ever done that before. Maybe that's why so many people have dropped the "please" and just bark orders at you sarcastic little shits.... anyway... Then, when I try to pay in cash, she gives me a look like "Dude, I've got a lot of tables." She literally has to ask the male wage slave for help making change. At this point, I'm just trying to complete this transaction and get out of there with my food. While they are making my sandwiches, I go to the bathroom. When I get out, my sandwiches are ready, but no pickle. I point this out, and female wage slave says "Nick, this guy needs you to grab his pickle."

HARF DERP HARF!

So male wage slave wraps up a pickle, and out of nowhere tells me "you're lucky I'm even giving you a pickle, with what you are wearing."

Me: "What do you mean?"
MWS: "I hate the Seahawks."
Me: "What's your team?"

Now I'm expecting the reply to be Niners.. Rams... Cardinals... Raiders... Broncos... Hell, maybe even Steelers. His answer?

"The Browns."

I go shithouse on the guy- "What could possibly be the connection between liking the Browns and hating the Seahawks?" Female wage slave muses "ooh! Touchy!" (Fuck you!) Male wage slave: "I dunno... I just hate them."

Me: "Well enjoy our old coach making your crappy team decent!"
MWS: "Whatever."

The female wage slave sarcastically told me to have a nice day. Unfortunately, I was so blinded by rage I couldn't think of a pithy retort, so I just stormed out.

I can't tell you how often I run into completely unprovoked, random hostility towards the Seahawks... As I wrote in this space before, does this shit happen to fans of other teams? Feel free to share your tales of inexplicably intense hostility towards the Seahawks in the comments, friends.

Side note: Either I have met EVERY asshole in the Browns fan base, or I have to conclude that Cleveland fans are disproportionately ignorant, mean-spirited, bitter douchebuckets. Have fun with these guys, Coach Holmgren!

Onto the game: I don't have any insights more informed or novel than you'd find over at Field Gulls, but I'll say a few things anyway.

-Special teams seemed to take a step backwards this week, allowing too many big returns and missing a very make-able field goal.

-I feel like I've been saying this since about 1985, but our defense has to find a cure for its "can't get off the field on 3rd down" woes. Overall I think the defense is going to be MUCH improved compared to 2009, but this is our concern, dude.

-MVP today? Mansfield Wrotto. Thanks for keeping Matthew (and our season) intact.

-Did Kenny Easley hop in a Delorean back in 1985, show up in Minneapolis last night, and put on Earl Thomas' uniform?

-Fuck you Brett Favre. Three turnovers, no TDs. What an overrated pile of cat turds.

-What was up with the Seahawks radio crew's constant Favre slurping? Who the fuck do they think is the audience for that amongst Seahawks fans?

-When Mare missed that field goal, I swear I could hear Jim Mora swearing loudly at his TV...

-There are tons of things to nitpick about this performance, but I'm pleased. I think we're on track to royally fuck up SF week 1.

What do you think, sirs?

Programming note: I killed the new DKSB facebook page after it got hacked overnight. Fuck that. I don't need to deal with that shit... we're still going strong here, on twitter, and sometimes on Field Gulls, though!

4 comments:

Bretticade said...

I've been debating on what would make this season a success to me and apparently it's seeing Earl Thomas do anything. I dove out of my seat every time he showed up. Loved seeing Favre get hit multiple times, if only Thomas wasn't faster then a train Davis could have absolutely annihilated Favre on that INT.

CoachOwens said...

I don't really blame the defense for their third-down woes-at least, not entirely. By the two minute warning in the second quarter, the Vikings' offense had had possession for 20 minutes, or 2/3 of an entire half. The Seahawks' offense had been on the field for 8 minutes. Sure, part of that was because the defense whiffed on some big plays, but it was also because our offense was so bad, they constantly forced our defense to go back out on the field. Football is far more of a rough and tiring sport than baseball as you know, so those guys on defense were probably exhausted and that's going to lead to some poor play. Also, I don't blame Mare for missing the field goal (I'm not sure if you were blaming him or not); having to kick the ball twice within a few seconds, plus the recent calf injury, plus a horrible snap were all huge factors as well. Other than that, I agree with your assessment, Johnny.

DKSB said...

Re: Missed kick... It looked like the snap was high on both attempts, which is way more worrisome than anything Mare did.

Mare isn't just a great kicker who also booms kickoffs, he's also my fantasy kicker.. so I'm on Team Olindo, my man. :)

bleedshawkblue said...

ZBS is starting to jell better each time they go out. Word is that it's very hard to practice cut blocking against your own teammates, as it is very physically punishing to drag yourself out from under a lineman play after play, so the only place they can truly execute the ZBS is against hostile opposition.

I, for one, believe that Hasselbeck still has enough in the tank to lead us to the promised land IF he can be kept upright, and IF he has some run support. I don't see a lot of QBs in this league with completions to 7-10 different guys in their box scores.

And even IF we have to get beat because of rookie mistakes and only go 12-4, I'll take a few losses if they were winnable 'til the end and they were good teaching opps for the younguns.

And the NFC Worst is our bitch this year. Again. Coupled with a winning road record (check Uncle Pete's record on the road in the East) and the usual 12th Hell of the NFL at home, and there's the playoff steamroller we can count on by season's end as the young guys get it right.

Seattle 58, Shittsburg 3 in the Super Bowl. Followed by media jizzfest that Shittsburg was so much better...