July 11, 2008
Brett Favre Wants a New Team... Where Would He Be Most Satisfyingly Humiliated?
Back in March, I rejoiced in the end of Brett Favre's Hall-of-Fame-Caliber-but-still-horrendously-overrated career. I'm rejoicing again today, because by demanding his unconditional release, Favre will write another chapter in the hilarious downward spiral of his career. Heck, he only needs to throw 12 more picks to hit 300 for his career! He could pull that off by week six!
Keep in mind that right now the Packers are telling Favre to pound sand. In the end, I think Favre will be traded rather than released. As a Seahawks fan, where do I want him to land, in order for him to suffer maximum degradation and pain? Let's look at the list, shall we?
Teams DEFINITELY not interested: Seahawks, Rams, Patriots, Colts, Broncos, Chargers, Bengals, Browns, Steelers, Eagles, Cowboys, Giants, Saints, Jaguars, Packers, Titans, Cardinals
Teams Green Bay WILL NOT trade Favre to: Vikings, Lions, Bears (although it would be amazing to watch the heads of an entire NFC North fanbase explode due to massive cognitive dissonance)
For the rest of the NFL, let's rate the Favre Schadenfreude Index (FSI) if he lands there from one to five "rocket balls"
FSI LEVEL ONE: Texans, Chiefs, Ravens, Falcons
Favre either fades into "Namath with the Rams" obscurity on these squads or leads them to the playoffs and gets to leave the game on a high note. Meh. Also, Seattle doesn't play any of these teams in 2008, so we wouldn't get to see him throw a pick-six to Tru or Lofa.
FSI LEVEL TWO: Bills, Dolphins
Same as level one, but we play these teams. He could get punished at our hands directly.
FSI LEVEL THREE: Jets, Raiders
Oooh, just picture the media hype around Favre coming to the world's news capital. Imagine the New York Post's back page after he throws four INTs against the Pats! I sense a "FAVRE FROM PERFECT" banner headline.
As for Oakland, a BIIIIIG deal would be made about the Raiders picking another aging "outlaw" up off the scrap heap. Just for the extra attention it would attract, a flame-out in silver and black for Favre would be delicious.
FSI LEVEL FOUR: Panthers, Redskins, Bucs
All these teams have playoff hopes that Favre could fuck up royally with a few ill-timed stupid throws into double coverage. Extra points to the Skins, because they come to Qwest, and to the Bucs, because we play them on SNF.
FSI LEVEL FIVE: 49ers
Why the Niners? Because that would give Rocky Bernard two chances to give Mr. Wrangler Jeans a Squish-Job.
Alright, Seahawks faithful... Where do YOU want Favre to land?