Matt Bowen Obviously Doesn't Read This Blog

Twitter is aflame with reaction to this article by Yahoo Sports' Matt Bowen, claiming that Mike Vick is "headed to Seattle." If you actually read it, there's no new information in it, and complete ignorance about how a Vick signing would actually play in Seattle. The money quote:

From what I’ve heard, new Seattle Seahawks head coach Jim Mora had a great relationship with Vick while the two were in Atlanta – despite the negative reports circulating through the rumor mill right now – and that he actually “cares” about the former Falcon and his future. I’ve also been told that, from a public relations standpoint, Seattle would offer Vick some protection from the media since it isn’t a city that draws the kind of overwhelming national attention as a Dallas or a Pittsburgh.

"Mora used to be his coach?" Check.

Seattle would offer Vick "public relations protection?" HA HA HA HA HA.

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B.

I'm DONE with this stupid shit. Until he's holding a Seahawks jersey at a press conference, proving me to be the worst football prognosticator since Smooth Jimmy Apollo, I'm declaring this blog a Vick-free zone.

It ain't nothin but the real up in the Northwest

Football season is almost here, and while that's a joyous occasion, it also means you have to put up with nattering bobbleheads who hate on our Seahawks.

There's a lot of stupid out there, but we can fight that with the light of knowledge. Mere facts won't convince your average mush-headed idiot out there, but we can fight the good fight anyway. We can be the SMART passionate fans.

A few years back, I was in Rhode Island for a job interview at a small liberal arts school. I had to do a presentation in front of a class, so I got there early and tried to make small talk with the students. A kid in the front row was wearing a Patriots t-shirt, so I started things off with "sorry about the AFC Championship... your guys played their guts out."

(This was immediately after New England's loss to Indy before XLI... What can I say? I was trying to be nice)

The kid mumbled something, then asked "what team do you like?"

I held up my Seahawks Season Ticket Holder Messenger Bag (which has now become Daddy's diaper bag), and this little shit, in sullen teenager fashion, scoffed "Heh. Sorry."

I could have, and should have, let it go. But I couldn't. I went off.

"Yeah, it sucks to root for the team with the 3rd best record in the NFL since 2003, who has gone to the playoffs four years in a row, won three division titles and has gone to the Super Bowl. Yup. Sucks to be me."

/dripping, hateful sarcasm

He just stared at me like I had jabbed him with a cattle prod for a minute, while I found a Red Sox fan to talk to.

By the way.. didn't get that job.

The point? Arm yourself with knowledge. Know your enemies. Know the embarrassing details about their teams. Be ready to counterpunch when they bring up some lazy media cliche about the Seahawks. Don't EVER agree when someone offhandly says "Seahawks Suck." Interrogate them, then smile while you eviscerate them. If you are pessimistic about the team, or have a shitty negative attitude about the Seahawks, keep it to yourself, slappy.

Don't leave any doubt about this: Like Sir Mix-A-Lot once said, Seattle Aint Bullshittin.

People are Lazy Idiots

I've seen FAR too many people use this argument to "prove" the Seahawks are interested in signing Mike Vick:

"Mora coached Vick in Atlanta, so of course he wants him back... blah blah blah..."

That guy over there? That Rae Carruth. If you don't know his story, he was a wide receiver for the Carolina Panthers until he paid to have the woman carrying his child shot and killed. He's serving a looooong prison term for murder right now.

Using the reasoning of prominent Vickologists, his former coach Dom Capers, who is now the defensive coordinator of the Green Bay Packers, should be lobbying for his parole/return to the NFL in Green and Gold.

That sounds pretty stupid, doesn't it?

Yes, I know that murder is a lot worse than what Vick did, but what Vick did was still pretty f--king heinous. Remember?

-Vick and two cohorts killed at least seven dogs themselves. In one other instance, Vick ordered another member of the ring to shoot and kill a dog. Vick admitted to hanging, drowning and electrocuting dogs.
-Vick began planning his dogfighting operation during a 2001 meeting with childhood friend Tony Taylor, shortly after Vick was drafted by the Atlanta Falcons.
-Vick bet on dog fights.
-The dogfighting ring would charge visitors $20 a person to attend a fights.
-Vick paid another person $100 to dig graves for dogs killed.
-Vick failed an FBI polygraph exam shortly after his home was raided.

Seriously people, clean your f--kin' loops. The Vick thing aint happening.

The End for The Land Baron (We Can Only Hope)

I'd love to think that we are all now, finally, free from the tyranny of Lord Favre. But we aren't. He's still doing ads, and it's only a matter of time before he squeezes himself into a blazer and tortures us with his "homespun" claptrap as an "analyst."

The most horrific possibility is that this preening attention whore will continue to tease the media about another comeback. Apparently, this dance has already begun, with reports that he will "continue throwing and working out."

I was actually hoping he'd come back, just so he could write a final chapter to his career more humiliating than 2008. It's a source of deep shame for me that Mr. Wrangler Jeans' only playoff victories over the last decade came against my Seahawks. Seattle singlehandedly kept the flickering flame of Favre's legend alive, feeding the illusion that The Land Baron was still an elite-level QB.

Thankfully, Favre followed each of these wins over Seattle with absolutely horrific OT interceptions in the next round of the playoffs. Against the Eagles in the 2003 Divisional Playoff and the Giants in the 2007 NFC Championship, Favre barfed up throws that were Grossman-level team-killers, and my black heart was filled with curdled joy.

If this truly is the end for Favre, we can always look back and smile at that snowglobe game at Qwest last December. Against a 3-11 team, Favre's Jets needed a win to keep their playoff hopes alive... In what was supposedly HIS element, Brittfar tossed two embarrassing picks, absorbed four sacks and racked up a 48.7 QB rating. He left the field a battered and broken man, pelted with snowballs by the 12th Man.

So long, Brett. You won't be missed.

(Very) Alternate Reality

Renton, WA (August 8, 2009)

The national media and a swarm of protesters descended upon the Virgina Mason Athletic Center for the arrival of new Seahawks quarterback Michael Vick. The surprising signing of the former Atlanta Falcons star has divided fans in the northwest, with some hailing Vick as an important piece to the championship puzzle. Another vocal group of fans is organizing a boycott of the Seahawks, and PETA is vowing to protest at all of Seattle's home games this season.

"I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity that Coach Mora is giving me, and I just want to contribute to the team's success any way I can," said Vick. If there was any truth to rumors of the Vick signing dividing the Seattle locker room, none were evident during his first practice with the team. Vick sported his familiar number seven after reaching an undisclosed agreement with kicker Brandon Coutu, and shared 2nd-team snaps at quarterback with Seneca Wallace.

"We all want the team to succeed, and hopefully Mike can help us reach our goals as a team," said Wallace. Despite speculation that Vick might be used as part of a "wildcat" package, he only saw action at quarterback today.

While the mood was somewhat normal inside the Seahawks facility, outside the gates opposing groups of fans vocally stated their cases, waving homemade pro-and-anti Vick placards. While a few fans were already wearing Seahawks jerseys bearing Vick's name and number, the majority of fans outside the VMAC seemed upset about the signing.

"Ruskell has gone too far with this move," said Chareth Cutestory, 35, of Bellingham. "I've already called the Seahawks ticket office to demand a refund on my season ticket package."

The big question among fans is what effect the Vick signing has on Matt Hasselbeck's status as Seattle's starting quarterback. The veteran was not available for comment by press time, but had this to say about the signing via his twitter feed:

"Welcome aboard, Mike! Ouch! I think I just got stung by a bee! Do you pee on it?"

When asked about Vick's availability for next week's preseason opener at San Diego, Coach Mora was non-committal.

"He just got here, guys! Let us see how he looks in practice this week, and then I'll let you know if he'll play against the Chargers."

One thing is clear: The signing of Vick is clearly a high risk/high reward proposition, and it's a move that has shifted the eyes of the NFL northwest towards Seattle.

Dog-Killing Liar Gets Off Easy...

The Rog has conditionally reinstated Mike Vick, and my only criticism is that I think Ron Mexico should have gotten a lot more than a four-or-five game suspension. That said, I think it's moot.. I firmly believe that ZERO NFL teams have a serious interest in this convicted felon with a diminishing skill set WHO WASN'T THAT GOOD OF A QB IN THE FIRST PLACE. When you add in the HIGH likelihood of Vick's mere presence on your roster bringing a tsunami of protesters and awful publicity (and perhaps revolt from season ticket holders and advertisers), there is no upside to bringing this festering turd into your facility.

Some people may say that I'm going too hard on the guy. These people are star-fucking idiots. Remember what this guy ADMITTED to doing:

Vick pleaded guilty to federal conspiracy charges relating to interstate gambling and dogfighting. Both are felonies.

He also pleaded guilty to dogfighting under Virginia law, another felony. Prosecutor Gerald Poindexter, whom we and many others believed lacked appropriate zeal when investigating Vick in 2007, argeed to allow Vick to plead guilty to that charge without tacking additional time onto Vick's federal sentence.

Then there's the issue of Vick's admitted killing of dogs, in various grotesque, bizarre, and arguably psychopathic ways. Drowning. Slamming to the ground. Hanging. Electrocution via the attachment of electrodes to testicles.

Vick admitted to involvement in those killings as part of his federal plea. He then tried to lie about it while strapped to a polygraph, presumably because he realized that even Poindexter might not be able to bungle a prosecution for multiple felonies counts of killing dogs, given a crystal clear admission of the crime from Vick.

But bungle it Poindexter did, failing to get even an indictment on charges that could have sent Vick away for a lot longer than 21 months.

And let's not forget the fact that Vick lied to Goodell regarding his involvement in dogfighting.

Or the positive test for marijuana, which occurred while Vick was free on bond, awaiting sentencing.

Yeah, I like to hate on Florio and PFT, but they're right on target in this case. This dude does not deserve an easy re-entry into polite society.

Another reason I don't trust nature

According to Matt Hasselbeck's twitter feed, he's come down with inner and outer ear infections. Mike Sando and others speculate that this may be related to his recent dips in the Columbia River, which further frays my already tense relationship with nature. When I heard about Hass swimming in the Columbia, I barfed in my mouth a bit.. That's the kind of shit you could only get me to do at gunpoint, or if a loved one was drowning in said river...

I respect nature. I like nature. I just don't really want to be anywhere near it except for brief, controlled stretches in perfect conditions. Summers are the worst, because they feature

A) Bugs
B) Heat and Humidity
C) The angry, angry Sun.

Want me to go outside during the summer? Hand me the 150 SPF sunscreen and something with enough deet in it to ward off those nasties from Starship Troopers. My preferred summer activity is hunkering down inside an air-conditioned movie theater, mall and/or house until the leaves start to change. I might drag myself outside for a baseball game or cookout, but I guarantee I'll be slathered in any lotion or spray you can think of that shields one from nature's effects.

I worship Qwest Field, but part of me misses the Kingdome for all the reasons listed above. Sure, I would have loved to have been at that Jets game last year, but once I got home I probably wouldn't have gone back outside for a week.

I know that most Seahawks fans are from Seattle, and most Seattlites love to do stuff outdoors. That's cool.. knock yourselves out, guys. I won't be hogging any space or blocking your view... and yes, I know that the way I live, under the glorious A/C, is probably not going to survive Peak Oil and the spectacular collapse of our petroleum-based society.

All the more reason to ride this bomb all the way to the ground Dr. Strangelove-style, y'all!

The Tendrils of Dave Krieg's Strike Beard Have Reached Into the Realm of Facebook!

On the sidebar you may notice we've shamelessly aped Seahawk Addicts and created a presence on Facebook... Friend us up if you feel like it.

I've said it once before but it bears repeating...

Here's a Seahawks IQ test, and it's just one question long!

1. Is there any chance the Seahawks will sign Mike Vick?

A) Yes, of course! Mora used to be his coach! The Seahawks need a quarterback! They're a desperate, crappy 4-12 team! Mike Vick is sooo awesome! OMG!!!!

B) Are you f-ing retarded? Vick wouldn't fill ANY discernible need for Seattle, he isn't that good as a QB anyway (plus there's no way he's IMPROVED since going to prison), and signing him would create a MASSIVE P.R. nightmare for a team that plays in the most dog-loving city in the USA. Seriously, did you recently suffer some sort of brain injury?

If you chose A), you are probably either an ESPN talking head, a mouth-breathing PFT commenter, or have been a Seahawks fan since January 2006. You fail. Please stop talking about this team, because you know fuck-all about it.

If you chose B), you are likely a sentient human being, or at least a well-programmed computer like Gerty in Moon (awesome flick, by the way). You pass.

A Decade in Exile...

This fall will mark 10 years living outside the Pacific Northwest for me, and given that my wife's family is pretty well anchored in Ohio, I'm probably never moving back home. What has it meant to be a rabid Seahawks fan 2000 2,417 miles away from Qwest?

1. You hear incredibly ignorant things about the team, even from NFL fans.

My own wife didn't even know Seattle had an NFL team when we met, and thought that the Kingdome was in Minnesota. Now I'm sure she knows WAYYYY more about the Seahawks than she ever cared to know. I've had neighbors ask me if my 12th Man Flag was a "NASCAR thing..." I've had people accost me in McDonalds and ask if I was wearing "Elizabeth's husband's" jersey. I've been to road games (particularly in Cleveland and Detroit) where fans of utter shit loser teams are so ignorant of the Seahawks that they think they have reason to look down upon us.

Browns fans are the WORST about this. I've been to two games there, and both times I wasn't just treated badly... There was a genuine level of astonishment that Seahawks fans even existed.

2. You're Sasquatch

When people find out you are a Seahawks fan, invariably you have to explain WHY, because whoever you are talking to has probably never met a Seahawks fan before. Ever. Sometimes this becomes a "teaching moment," where you can spread the word that, 2008 aside, Seattle has one of the best NFL teams over the past decade. The usual response? "Huh."

3. It's expensive.

Wanna watch the games? You'll need DirecTV and NFL Sunday Ticket, or you'll need to endure at least 3 hours at a sports bar every Sunday... and you'll probably have to beg the manager to even put the Seahawks game on one of the bar's 20 TVs... Wanna buy any team gear? You'll have to get it shipped out to you, because there aint any Seahawks shit at your local mall. Plus, it's obviously really expensive to fly back to Seattle if you want to catch any games at Qwest. It's a huge pain in the ass.

4. People repeat stupid crap they read/hear about the team to you.

As we all know, the few times the Seahawks get any mass media coverage, it's lazy, simplistic, and half-assed. That gets amplified and repeated by those who blindly accept the NFL coverage spoon-fed to them by ESPN... I vividly remember Ditka claiming we still played in a dome on Monday Night Countdown before the Eagles game in 2005... I STILL run into the occasional person who thinks we are a "dome team." Blurgh.

Despite all this, I enjoy being the trailblazer... I like being a small outpost of Seahawks fandom in the midwestern wilderness (probably because I am naturally a contrarian S.O.B.), and I'm well known as "that Seahawks guy."

Anyone else a Hawks fan in exile? I'm sure y'all have stories to tell...

Big Ben's Future Foretold by Mr. Show?

Sorry, everyone... I just couldn't resist.

On the serious tip, no one knows what actually happened besides Roethlisberger and his accuser. It will be up to a jury to decide who/what to believe (or it might be up to the lawyers to hash out a settlement). If Big Ben actually did what he is accused of, he should do serious time in a pound-me-in-the-ass prison (which leads to one of the big questions... why were no criminal charges filed?). If his accuser is just making shit up, she deserves severe punishment.. We probably will never know the whole truth, but I do know this:

I have no problem watching Steelers fans squirm. Buncha Yinzer asswedges.

As Usual, Schrutebag Knows Two Things: Jack and Shit.

There are about a million reasons I don't listen to sports talk radio... Colin Cowherd embodies most of them. Apparently, on Friday dude was talking shit about The Big Show (who, unless he ever becomes Pittsburgh's head coach, is beyond criticism in my book). Schrutebag accused Holmgren of "mailing it in" last year, which is total bullplop.

Does this stupid dickbag even WATCH the games? I didn't see the Walrus mailing it in against DC... or New England.. or the Rams.. or the Jets.. etc. My point? Even though the team was battered and downtrodden, they didn't quit. They didn't run for the bus. THAT is coaching, my friends. Holmgren will eventually be in the Hall of Fame based on that skill set. Unless there's a Hall of Fame for weasel-faced asstards, Schrutebag aint getting enshrined anywhere.

Remember kids, sports talk radio kills brain cells. You may as well eat lead paint chips... Just don't do it, y'all.

UPDATE: Where have you gone, Fire Joe Morgan? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you...

Involuntary Hiatus

We're packing up our 12th man flag (and all our other junk) and moving to ohio on saturday... in addition, my wife's laptop died so i don't have a computer until sunday. hopefully nothing big happens with our hawks until then...

The Beard Hearts Hasselbeck

Seahawk Addicts has a nice discussion going on about what we should expect from Matt Hasselbeck this year, which gives me a great excuse to repost some relevant things I've written about our stalwart QB in the past... Enjoy the link salad.. I have to pack up my house and move to Ohio on Saturday, so things might be a tad slow this week around these parts.

Hasselbeck's top 10 games

"Is that Elizabeth's Husband?"

Even Seahawks Fans Can Be Complete Retards

Matt Halpertbeck?

"I Cannot Spare This Man. He Fights."

Who is giving up their season tickets? And why?

There's no doubt that the Seahawks will sell out every home game at Qwest Field this fall. In Seattle there is no hint of the attendance woes that have plagued teams like Jacksonville, but I have noticed something...

Almost every day, I notice another person (or persons) on twitter celebrating a move from "season ticket waiting list" to "season ticket holder." Obviously, some people are choosing not to renew their season tickets, and that's opening up space for excited newbies. But what is up with that?

Are they spending that money on Mariners and or Sounders tickets? It sure looks like the Sounders are thriving, and while the M's attendance is down compared to 2008 (from 28,761 per game to 26,882 so far this year), they haven't been hit as hard by the dip in MLB attendance as a lot of other clubs. In fact, the M's have climbed to 17th in average attendance, up from 20th last season.

Right now, the M's are competitive and fans can come watch Junior again. The Sounders have novelty on their side in addition to being pretty damn awesome for a 1st-year expansion team. As much as it hurts to think about, a 4-12 season is pretty much a disaster anyway you look at it... It was bound to lead to the Hawks shedding some of the less committed (and/or wealthy) members of the season ticket base...

Without hard data, I'm just guessing here... But the combination of the recession and an awful 2008 season looks like it's led to a shrinking of that loooong waiting list for season tickets. As rabid as the 12th Man is, another non-playoff season in this economic climate could lead to *gasp* non-sellouts at Qwest in 2010 (and TV blackouts).

Any other theories? Or hard data I was too lazy to dig up this afternoon?

This is also a reminder that success and fan adoration is difficult to maintain. It wasn't that long ago that the Hawks were playing to 1/3rd empty houses in the Kingdome and Husky Stadium, which led to ticket prices being slashed, and opened the doors up to the unwashed rabble who could scrape together $200 for a pair of season tix...

Like me. :-]

Shaun, please... Give it up, dude.

Shaun Alexander is evidently "training like crazy" to (hopefully) play this season... I implore you to just kick back, count your money and get ready to take your place in the Seahawks Ring of Honor. You racked up a whopping 24 yards on 11 carries for DC last season, and unlike wine or Susan Sarandon, running backs don't get better as they age.

SA... Man, Edgerrin James can't find work, and he actually looked like he had something left in the tank last season. There is no NFL market for your services, my man. The good news is that you are unbelieveably wealthy, good looking, telegenic (though easily confused with Tiki Barber in some corners), and your legacy is secure.

Some may player-hate on you, and bitch and moan about your running style, but...

-You scored 112 career touchdowns (#1 in Seahawks history; #14 in NFL history)
-You racked up 9,429 career rushing yards in Seattle (#1 in Seahawks history)
-You're the only Seahawk to ever be named NFL MVP.
-You're one of the top five players in Seahawks history (I rank you up there with Jones, Largent, Hasselbeck and Easley). Even if someone wanted to argue about that, you're the greatest running back in Seattle history, and that's a group that includes Curt Warner, Ricky Watters and Chris Warren.
-Without you, we would still be part of the pathetic franternity of teams who have never been to a Super Bowl. It's nice to hold something over the Saints, Lions, Browns, Texans, and Jaguars...

You have NOTHING to prove. Yeah, you aren't going to get in the Hall of Fame... but another shitty stretch with another team isn't going to get you any closer to Canton either. Come over to Qwest this fall, raise the 12th Man Flag, and luxuriate in adoration from us....

Does that sound so bad?

Mora Conquers Rainer!

Just be careful when your describing your accomplishment, coach...

Steve McNair v. the Seahawks

I thought looking at the few times Steve McNair lined up against the Seahawks would be a welcome break from the lurid details of his passing. The 2003 NFL Co-MVP only played against the Seahawks four times in his 13-year career (for the Houston Oilers, Tennessee Oilers, and Tennessee Titans), and the Seahawks won all four meetings. Here's a closer look:

1. 11/3/96 Seahawks 23, Oilers 16 (McNair: 12/18/225/1 TD/1 INT/105.1 rating)

This is one of the great finishes in Seahawks history.. I've mentioned our side of this one before:

An unremarkable game in a forgettable season... Except for the finish. Game tied at 16, with Houston trying a chip-shot FG for the win on the final play of regulation. In a matter of seconds, a sure defeat morphed into overtime (with a blocked FG attempt), and overtime dissolved into a Seahawks win when Robert Blackmon streaked into the end zone for the winning score.

This was a season-killer for the Oilers, who never really recovered. They only won three more games in 1996, finished 8-8 and missed the postseason by a single game. McNair played very well in this one, particularly when you consider that this was only his 3rd NFL start. By the start of the 1997 season, the Oilers packed up and moved to Tennessee, and McNair was the full-time starter.

2. 10/5/97 Seahawks 16, Oilers 13 (McNair: 12/28/101/1/2/42.9 rating)

This was my first year as a Seahawks season ticket holder, and my only vague memory of this one is Steve Broussard going absolutely buck-wild. He scored on two long runs for Seattle's only TDs on the day. McNair had a rough day at the office, but Eddie George's 116 yards helped keep the Oilers in the game. Despite playing in Memphis all year at a decrepit college stadium, Tennessee finished a respectable 8-8 and McNair had a decent inaugural season as their starting QB.

Side note: McNair's back-up QB in 1997 and 1998? Dave Krieg.

3. 11/29/98 Seahawks 20, Oilers 18 (McNair: 18/34/199/0/0/70.6 rating + 8 rushes for 64 yards and a TD)

Another game I got to see in person, and this one could have been on Alcoa's Fantastic Finishes... Jon Kitna actually outplayed McNair, but it took a James McKnight TD and a 48-yard Todd Peterson FG in the final seconds for the Seahawks to notch the win.

The Oilers finished 8-8 AGAIN in 1998, but in 1999 they'd be rechristened the Titans and fall only one yard short of forcing overtime in XXXIV.

4. 12/18/05 Seahawks 28, Titans 24 (McNair: 23/38/310/2/0/104.1 rating)

Despite coming in with a 4-9 record, the Titans gave the Super Bowl-bound Seahawks a mighty scare. McNair in particular came in with something to prove, and he delivered with his last great game as a Titan before moving on to Baltimore after the 2005 season. Tennessee spotted Seattle a 14-0 lead before a blocked FG radically changed the game's momentum... McNair marshalled the Titans to 24 unanswered points before Seattle found a way to shift the momentum again (with a long Bobby Engram catch & run and a stout defensive stand on a key 4th & 1)... The Hawks escaped Nashville with a 28-24 win and would clinch home field in the NFC playoffs a week later.

My most vivid memory of McNair will always be the penultimate play of XXXIV, where he scrambled for what seemed like 30 seconds, breaking tackles and dodging STL defenders before completing a long pass to set Tennessee up deep in Rams territory. The Titans fell one yard short on the next play, but that wasn't McNair's fault. If Tennessee wins that game, McNair probably would have won MVP honors.

McNair was a fearsome competitor, and his legacy as a great NFL quarterback is secure.

Good News for Expatriated Seahawks Fans

NFL Sunday Ticket allows folks like me thousands of miles from the bosom of the Pacific Northwest to watch Seattle's regular season games, but what about preseason? Great news I just caught by accident glancing at the "crawl" on NLFN... The following preseason games will be broadcast LIVE on NFL Network:

August 15 @ Chargers (7 pm pacific)
August 22 v Broncos (7:30 pacific)
September 3 v Raiders (7 pacific)

Pretty cool, huh?

2009 Seahawks Jersey Buying Guide

It's getting to be that time of year, when a lot of us consider buying a new jersey for the fall. Options range from $75 replicas, to the $125 semi-authentics all the way up to the $250 authentics.

I've always felt the only appropriate thing to wear on gameday is a Seahawks jersey, and I've also preferred a jersey as the best way to "represent" for the Hawks out here in the wilderness of the Midwest. I once had a HUGE collection of jerseys, but right now I'm down to a Hasselbeck home replica (my favorite active player) and a Kenny Easley semi-authentic throwback.

In my experience, the little Seahawks logos on the sleeves of the modern semi-authentics tend to fray easily, even if you take very good care of them. This isn't true for the semi-authentic throwback jerseys, however. They are more sturdy. Authentic jerseys are just out of my price range, so I tend to go for replica jerseys. Remember: NEVER put your jersey in the dryer. Hang it up and let it air dry and it will last a LOT longer. So what are your options?

1. Personalized jersey: To each his (or her) own, but I think the personalized jerseys are kinda stupid. You're not on the team, no matter how much you'd love to be. You know what looks even weirder? Someone who gets a personalized, #80 modern-style jersey and gets "Largent" put on the back. That just looks odd to me. However, if you really love Big Play Babs and get a custom Babineaux jersey made, I would bestow mad props upon you.

2. #12 jersey: At least for me, no #12 Fan jerseys... It's nice that the team retired the number 12, but wearing the jersey seems like a cop-out, i.e. you don't want to take the risk of buying a current player's jersey and/or you don't have a favorite old-school player.

3. Current players: If you're smart about your choice, this might be the way to go. Just remember to concentrate on players who are NOT about hit free agency... You don't want to be an idiot like me back in the spring of 2007 when I bought a Josh Brown jersey. Since I won't wear a player's jersey after he leaves the team, I had to sell that piece of crap on eBay for like $25. The only really significant player I'd stay away from based on this is Darryl Tapp, who will be a free agent after the upcoming season. The larger point? Do some research before plunking down $75 for a jersey.

I have a weird thing about wearing an injured player's jersey. I'm not a superstitious sort, but I feel like I'm bringing bad juju if I'm wearing a player's jersey while he's out. Thus, I shy away from players who have a history of injury problems. I'm not going to get rid of my Hass jersey; I just love the guy too much. But would I buy one now? Ehhhhhhh.. more on that later.

Finally, I'd be hesitant to buy a jersey for a rookie or a new free agent acquisition. What if they suck? Then you're wearing a big shroud of suck, aren't you?

With all these ideas in mind, here's my top 5 jersey-buying choices among active players: John Carlson, Marcus Trufant, Leroy Hill, Lofa Tatupu, and Hasselbeck (despite the injury thing I mentioned above.. I idolize that bald bastard, and I think he's going to have a huge year).

4. Throwback jerseys: There's so many great things about throwbacks... They look great, they'll never get traded or leave in free agency, and it shows that you know something about the team's history before 2005 (at least, you SHOULD know the team's history if you are wearing a throwback). Largent is a popular choice, but I've also seen plenty of people wearing Zorn, Green, Warner, and Easley throwbacks. I'm still waiting for that Dave Krieg throwback... Come on, Reebok!

I stay away from "fashion" jerseys, but that's just me. I also prefer the dark jerseys over the whites, because A) the white jerseys get dirty easier and B) the whites made my fat ass look like a beached whale. Also remember to NEVER tuck in your jersey, or wear it over a collared shirt. That just makes you look like a TOOL.

Ladies, I think the "girl cut" jerseys in the team colors are awesome. The pink stuff? Yuk. I have a daughter on the way this November, and my wife and I both agree: NO pink team apparel. That stuff just buries the needle on the lame-o-meter.

How about y'all? What are your jersey rules? What jerseys do you have? What are you gonna buy this summer?

DKSB Lifetime Pass: Paul Allen

Though I hate the inflammatory title (more on that down below), the PI has an interesting article today: "How many wins can Paul Allen's money buy?"

The point? Only Jerry Jones spends more on his team than Paul Allen, and PA does it without all the plastic surgery and bugf*#k insanity. It's like having Marc Cuban for an owner, but not having to deal with all of Cube's self-aggrandizing antics. From Qwest Field to the VMAC to hiring people like Holmgren and Ruskell, Allen has shown a strong commitment to running a classy, competitive NFL franchise.

To me, that's great... But it's less important than the fact that Allen saved NFL football in Seattle, which led to the building of Qwest Field, and eventually to the birth of the town's newest sports darlings: Seattle Sounders FC. Just based on stepping in, ponying up the cash and rescuing the team from the Behring Dark Ages, Allen gets a lifetime pass in my book. There could be an accident at the Allen Institute for Brain Science that allowed genetically engineered, super-intelligent, radioactive waste-covered ants to wreak havoc on the land, and I'd still love the guy.

This can't be overstated: Without Paul Allen, the Seahawks would have skipped town in the mid-90s, and would now be some ungodly Southern Cal abomination (Probably the L.A. Stallions or something). Your kids would probably grow up 49ers or... guh... Raiders fans. Now, not only do we still have a team, we have one of the best-run organizations in sports AND, without a doubt, the best practice and game-day facilities in the NFL. Allen also allowed people like me to become season ticket holders... He made the upper deck end-zone seats in the Kingdome $10 before the 1997 season, and I snapped up a pair of season tickets (in the TOP ROW of the dome). Even though those seats are $37 a pop now, you'd have to pry them from my cold, dead hands.

So if you're fixin' to complain about the $5 transportation charge to attend Training Camp at the VMAC, I'd advise stepping back and looking at the big picture. There wouldn't even BE a VMAC if that glorious sci-fi loving nerd hadn't stepped up over a decade ago.

Back to the title of that PI article... You KNOW that if the Seahawks win the Super Bowl, some ass-tard will dig that piece up and say "The Seahawks are just like the Yankees! They bought a championship!" Never mind that the Yankees haven't won dick since 2000, despite outspending every other MLB team by a wide margin, or that you just can't compare the financial structures of MLB and the NFL... None of that logic or any of those facts matter... Some idiots will piss on our parade by whining that our billionaire owner bought us a Lombardi Trophy. Don't say I didn't warn y'all.