January 3, 2009

Sweet Sweet Schedenfruede

On Saturday afternoon Seahawks Nation will be rooting quite lustily for dem dirty birds from the ATL. Why? Because there is no greater American tradition than rooting against teams once your own squad has been sent home for the winter. Here's my stab at the ten biggest orgasmic spasms of shameful joy for Seahawks fans ever...

10. Super Bowl XXIV: 49ers 55, Broncos 10

Anytime your most-hated rival takes the worst beating in Super Bowl history, that game's gonna make this list. Also, I made tons of money off this game from my Denver-loving school chums... and that was while also giving a 30-point spread, by the way.

9. 2007 NFC Championship: Giants 23, Packers 20

A week after humiliating the Hawks, Favre went back to single-handedly eliminating his own team from the playoffs... Just ask Thomas Jones about that shit these days. Ha!

8. 2003 NFC Divisional Playoff: Panthers 29, Rams 23
Pfft. Greatest show on turf my ass. This upset loss was the beginning of the end for STL as a respectable franchise.

7. 1996 AFC Divisional Playoff: Jaguars 30, Broncos 27

Imagine that in the 2005 playoffs, the Seahawks had blown that first playoff game at Qwest v. DC. How would you have felt? Multiply that by a ba-jillion and you have some idea how those Orange Crush idjits felt after suffering one of the biggest upsets in playoff history.

This one was so bad that they changed the team's fuckin' uniforms afterwards.

6. 1999 AFC Divisional Playoff: Jaguars 62, Dolphins 7

That's what you get for ruining the last game ever played in our Kingdome... Laces out Marino!

5. 2003 NFC Divisional Playoff: Eagles 20, Packers 17

After 4th & 26 and that r-tard'd int Mr. Wrangler Jeans threw in OT, Packers fans should have shut the fuck up about Hasselbeck's pick-six a week before. Of course they didn't. Cheese-eating fuck-os.

4. Super Bowl XLI: Colts 29, Bears 17

You and I.. just between us now... You KNOW that if Seattle could have escaped Soldier Field with a win in that OT divisional playoff, they go on to XLI. But no, and I had to hear for two weeks about how awesome the new monsters of the midway were. I had to sit through Ditka's bullshit tough-guy posturing and a million retrospectives about the '85 Bears (Yes, I get it. They were awesome. Can we move on now?).

Then Rex Grossman offered up the ball like it was a god damn extra value meal. Thanks, Sexy Rexy!

3. Super Bowl XXI: Giants 39, Broncos 20

A great Seattle team goes 10-6, missing the playoffs on a tiebreaker. They wallop Denver 41-16 in week 16 at the Dome, but then have to watch the Broncos pull off a miracle in Cleveland to gain a trip to XXI. They were huge underdogs to Parcells and LT at his cocaine-fueled, frenzied best... yet they led 10-9 at halftime before getting assplowed as day turned to night in Pasedena. Fuck... even Phil McConkey scored on them.

2. 2007 AFC Wild Card Playoff: Jaguars 31, Steelers 29

Immediately following Seattle's rousing Wild Card win over DC and Sean Taylor's ghost, we went to a bar to celebrate. It was packed with Steelers fans, watching their playoff dust-up with Jax... As the final seconds ticked down, the Pittsburgh fans made the perp walk to the door. I found a Jags fan to high-five, and joined him in taunting the XL thieves as they slithered into the night.


1. Super Bowl XXII: Redskins 42, Broncos 10

Ahh, 87... The scab games, losing the AFC West race to Denver, and the OT loss to Houston in the Wild Card round. A big shitwhopper for Seattle fans, no?

Those Broncos were favored to win XXII, and jumped out to a 10-0 lead. It looked like I faced a looooong winter, spring and summer of dealing with Broncos fans somehow being even smugger than usual.

Then Doug Williams morphed into Sammy Baugh for one quarter of play, and the rest was sweet, shameful history.

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