If the NFL nation was a High School, the Seahawks and all us Twelves would be amongst the wastoids, dweebies, and dickheads of Rozelle High. We don't get asked to prom, and most of us are either in band, Knowledge Bowl or working for the school paper. The Steelers, Cowboys, Patriots, Giants, and Colts fans mock us mercilessly while wearing their letterman jackets, and the latest tsunami of Seahawks mockery is centered around our bright green alternate jerseys.
Unfortunately our team has been the butt of jokes for my entire life. I even have a vague memory of a joke on Taxi about "Seattle winning the Super Bowl" before something else happened, and that was probably 1980 or 1981... Then there was The Boz, the overall crappiness of the '90s, "We Want the Ball and We're Gonna Score," and so on... When we aren't being ignored, we're being ridiculed/marginalized. That DEFINITELY sounds like my high school experience. Jesus Christ, I fucking hated high school.
Since our team is from strange, exotic Seattle, we're always working at a disadvantage with the national media and other NFL fans. We're perpetually the "new kid," no matter how many new teams join the league, evidently. When you add in the fact that we haven't really played an overtly physical "smash-mouth" style of football since the days of Chuck Knox, the rest of the league sees us as Poindextery little wusses. If you want to really get down to it, there's probably some around the country that mix all this info in with the fact that Seattle is politically liberal and LGBT friendly and conclude: The Seahawks are gay.
See, I have no problem with this. I'd rather Seattle outsmart other teams than play caveman ball, and yeah, the Seahawks are probably up there with the Niners among teams with the biggest LGBT fan bases. Since I'm a big fat lib-rul, I say Huzzah to that, but I think that's a dirty little secret component to national disrespect/mockery of the Hawks. A lot of people find Seattle scary/weird/gay in the midwest and on the east coast, so they take that out on our Seahawks.
I don't think we should change. I like our bright green jerseys. They're unique and colorful in a largely drab league. Of course any NFL team needs to be physically tough, but I like that our philosophy is descended from Bill Walsh and his ability to outwit opposing teams. I want the Seahawks to win, but I also want them to win the right way, if possible.
Becoming the popular kids? Pfft. That's a long wait for a train don't come, plus, we all know the nerds end up running things when they grow up anyway.
First of all, I call bullshit on Mora's anti-Mare rant. Frankly it was lazy and classless of him to single out one player for yesterday's loss, but it's a long-standing trope of football: When all else fails, blame the "idiot kicker."
If it was just an emotional rant, so be it. Maybe it will kick Mare in the ass a bit (you really can't be missing 34-yarders in the league, bro), and it shows the team that their coach has some fire in his belly. If he actually cuts Mare? That's just DUMB. He's too good at kickoffs to fire him after a day where he made 4 of 6 field goal attempts. UPDATE: Mora retracted his post-game comments and said no changes at kicker this week...
It's also worth pointing out that if the offense had displayed better execution, and the coaches called better plays, we would have been scoring TDs instead of trying FGs.
Enough with yesterday: What does the future hold for this team? First of all, if you are writing off next Sunday as a loss already, you're not welcome around here. There's farrrr too many Seahawks "fans" who immediately fall into fatalistic, negative, defeatist thinking at the first sign of trouble. Kindly fuck off so we are not infected with your poison. The Seahawks CAN win at Indianapolis. UPDATE: Unconfirmed reports that Dwight Freeney is OUT for Sunday's game... stay tuned.
The longer view is this: I still believe a 9-7 record will win the NFC West, which means the Seahawks need to go 8-5 over the remaining 13 games. Specifically, two things MUST happen:
A) The Seahawks MUST win their last 4 divisional games. A 5-1 mark in the division means a split with SF, giving the Niners, at best, a 5-1 mark in the division as well. I think the Niners can and will finish 9-7, but Seattle has to win the RIGHT nine games to be in a position to beat them out on tiebreakers for the division title. This means a sweep of Arizona, who so far looks vulnerable.
B) The Seahawks MUST win their six remaining home games. Jacksonville. Arizona. Detroit. San Fransisco. Tampa Bay. Tennessee. The combined record of these teams right now? 5-13. Things will evolve as the season progresses, but that is a SOFT remaining home schedule. 7-1 at home, plus two road wins = 9-7.
These things aren't crazy impossibilities. Seattle has the talent to get this done, and if we reach the bye at 3-3, we should all be pretty happy with that. Beat Indy? We could be 4-2 and in much better shape. As my 2004 Red Sox used to say: "Why Not Us?"
I've got no words of comfort or solace for the Twelve Army tonight. That was a brutal, knee-to-the-groin loss. We saw a Seattle team that fought until and after it started spitting up blood, but couldn't overcome a rancid stew of mistakes, injuries, and blown calls by the officials. The rest of this season will be an agonizing week-to-week war of attrition. The wins won't be pretty, and the losses could be downright horrific.
A relatively favorable schedule gives the Seahawks a shot at clawing into the playoffs, but their margin for error shrinks every week. Next week at Indy isn't a must win (particularly as a non-conference game), but it's close.
There is hope, but it's clouded by reality: This is a wounded team, and we can't wait for the wins to come until everyone is healthy. Seneca Wallace once again showed that he can be effective in short stretches, but he also reminded us of his limitations... Matt Hasselbeck gives Seattle the best chance to win (if he is healthy).
This team is going to end the season between 7-9 and 9-7. Nine wins will probably get the Seahawks in the playoffs, but those nine victories will be won only with blood. Nothing will come easy for this Seattle team, but it can survive and still prevail in the end.
I hope you're ready for a fight, Twelves. We will be mocked and ridiculed until the moment we stand victorious over a playoff opponent. They will laugh at our uniforms, and they will deride our team as gutless failures. We know the truth, but it's up for this team to go out there on the field and shut those mother fuckers up.
Yup. It's not just a new jersey, but new dark blue pants that I think compliment the bright green well. A lot of people hate this look, but it's our look now. I think the whole package looks pretty sweet, and I urge all you Twelves out there to support this move. Get a shirt or hat in the bright green... Perhaps from the DKSB Amazon store? :-]
Will the Seahawks wear green? Will Seneca Wallace lead us to victory? Will I be able to endure three hours surrounded by Bill Bratzky and the other "Superfans?" Find out the answers to these questions and much much more by following my twitter feed tomorrow!
"Jerry Angelo probably didn’t think I could play, so I’m going to show him Sunday." -TJH
I know a lot of people are going to react negatively to this, thinking TJH soundn't "make the Bears mad" or give them "bulletin board material."
I say Fuck That.
I say that these guys haven't proven shit or done shit yet, and that they are coming into OUR stadium this Sunday. They've living off the reputation created by two Super Bowl appearances 21 years apart, and the main component of their most recent NFC title (Urlacher) isn't even going to be dressed for this game.
They are, as Al Capone might say, nothing but a lot of talk and a badge.
They're the ones who should be worried this weekend. They haven't won a game in Seattle since Jimmy Carter was the President-Elect. They aren't going to be prepared for the atmosphere at Qwest. They need to figure out how to cover John Carlson. They need to figure out how they are going to get to our QB (Hass or Seneca) if Walter Jones is back at Left Tackle. They need to conjure up some way to protect Jay Cutler from a defense that is ferocious at home (yeah, they have a lot of work to do on the road)... My point is that a lot of fans tend to absorb the media spin that these are the Seachickens, and any win they secure is from dumb luck or the other team fucking up.
Fuck that! We are Seahawks! Vicious predators! We're gonna swoop down on the Bears en mass and pluck out eyes and tongues with our razor sharp talons and beaks!
Get to the end zone Sunday, TJH... and show those Windy City Asstards who runs this shit.
Week 3 US Pop. with over-the-air access to Seahawks: 31.3 million Week 3 Percentage of US Pop. with OTA access to Seahawks: 10.2%
Since CBS has the doubleheader again, I'm getting screwed out of watching a Seahawks game at home. If FOX had the doubleheader this Sunday, Seahawks v. Bears would surely be their matchup of choice for the entire midwest.
Instead I've got to trudge to a sports bar where I'll be the lone Seahawks floating in an ocean of Ditka-slurping Bears "Superfans." Maybe I'll wear my Kenny Easley throwback jersey and see if any of these Refrigerator Perry acolytes have any idea who he is...
I know in these times of want and woe, some people are going to sell their tickets. I've done that myself before, so I can't blame you. But I'm asking you, as one Twelve to another, to do everything in your power to keep tickets out of the knobby sausage-hands of Bears fans.
This Sunday, our team is not going to be at full strength. This means that the Twelve Army must achieve a 2005-Giants-game level of noise... We need to leave Jay Cutler looking even more befuddled and mopey than usual. Ideally, he'll run screaming to the visitors' locker room with his hands plastered over the earholes of his helmet... I want a MINIMUM of five false start penalties by Chicago on Sunday. They need to fly back to Chicago not only defeated, but traumatized by their whole experience in Seattle.
You know those placards you still see on the back of some big-rig trucks? The creepy post 9/11 propaganda of "No aid or comfort to the enemy! No Way!" That should be our rallying cry this week across Seahawks Nation. Every ticket you give/sell to a Bears fan... every friend from Chicago festooned in an Urlacher jersey that you bring to the game... it weakens the Twelve Army at our greatest moment of need.
So keep your tickets, Twelves! Clutch them to your bosoms, and then release your war cry this Sunday! Only together, 53 + about 67,000, can we defeat the Windy City Menace!
I was having a crappy morning already because Facebook was being super buggy.. eating posts, comments, etc. In a bout of frustration I deactivated my DKSB account on facebook... I might be back, might not... I'm still here and on Twitter (DKSB17), and my gmail account is DKSB17 if you want to e-mail me.
In a weird way I really envy the bandwagon fan who can just easily dismiss his "team" when they lose.. They latch on when things are good, slurp out the joy of victory and detach to find a new host at the first sign of trouble. Parasitic, yes.. but also strangely rational.
The Seahawks are like family to me... But a lot of the time they are the parent who forgets your birthday, gets drunk and hits on your girlfriend at a party, and totally spaces out on picking you up from soccer practice. I'm stuck with them, and I hope they get their act together, but it's just as likely that they'll leave Mom for their 24-year-old secretary.
Why did I just shell out $40 to eat shitty food and drink shitty beer just so I could watch the Seahawks make Frank Gore look like the spawn of a torrid affair between Bo Jackson and Eric Dickerson?
Why did I endure the braying jackassery of at least 100 Yinzers just so I could see the Seahawks defense lay out its changesonebowie of ineptitude? Can't stop the run? Check. Can't get off the field on 3rd down? Check. Can't fall on a goddamn fumble? Check.
Why did I grit my teeth through this conversation...
Moron: "Why do you hate Roethlisberger?" Me: "Because of the Super Bowl, for one." Moron: "What do you mean" Me, pointing at my Hasselbeck jersey: "You know, when the Seahawks played the Steelers in the Super Bowl?" Moron: "When was that?" Me: "2006." Moron: "Huh."
just so I could see the nightmarish spectacle of Hasselbeck getting a helmet to the back, followed by his horrifying collapse near the Seattle sideline?
This was one of those days where I seriously question why I do this... It makes NO rational sense to be this emotionally invested in something, anything, that so rarely gives back a proportional amount of pleasure or joy. In fact, it's far more likely that they'll break my heart and put me in an awful mood for the next week. If had half a fucking brain, I'd take up a real hobby and never watch this torturous sport again.
Thankfully for y'all, I say this shit after pretty much every Seahawks loss, and I always come back for more the next week. But.. Fuck... that was a rough day at the office for this particular Twelve.
Wow! Just five days after I met John Carlson's parents at the Seahawks/Rams game, I got this in the mail: MY game ticket, signed by Touchdown Jeebus himself! I also go a very nice note from JC's parents. Class acts all around, those Carlsons... I vow to get his jersey once I can scrape together $80.
4 pm Sunday. No NFL Sunday Ticket this year, so I have to go to my local Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the Seahawks game. Unfortunately for me, that's the same time as the...
Steelers v. Bears game...
Which isn't on local TV...
So that joint will be crawling with Black and Gold fucksticks...
It's going to be very hard for me not to forkstab the first schmuck who talks ANY shit about XL.
I'm really just looking for advice here. I can quote facts chapter and verse, and hold my own in any argument, but I've never been completely surrounded by Steeler fantards as the sole Twelve in the room before.
How do I get through this with my sanity intact, and without shanking/getting shanked?
People in many corners of the internets are up in arms about NFL teams putting advertising on their practice jerseys. I truly couldn't give less of a crap.
I'd certainly prefer that there was no advertising on NFL jerseys, but it'd be the height of hypocrisy for me to rant against this trend while asking you to buy gear from the advertisments splashed across this blog (which you most certainly should).
My biggest beef? Bing gargles my balls.
Corporate sponsorships go all the way back to the naming of Fenway Park and Wrigley Field, and with every sports team on earth scrambling to maximize revenues, this was bound to happen. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it's stupid. But on the list of things to get worked up about when it comes to our Seahawks, it's wayyyyyyy down at the bottom of the list.
Just for emphasis: Bing sucks and blows simultaneously.
It's another week of descending into the flaming, annoying hell called "Sunday at a Sports Bar" for me, because the Seahawks game won't be on local TV in Northwestern Ohio. The 506 has the details, which include the fact that Hawks/Niners will be broadcast in Milwaukee. That's great, but why?
Week 2 US Pop. with over-the-air access to Seahawks: 39.2 million Week 2 Percentage of US Pop. with OTA access to Seahawks: 12.9%
Confession time: long ago, I used to kinda sorta like the 49ers. They were way off in the exotic NFC West, they were exciting to watch, played a cerebral brand of football that appealed to me, and featured my favorite non-Seahawk of all-time: Jerry Rice.
When the Seahawks would get eliminated from the playoffs, or from playoff contention, I would pull for the Niners.. I never bought any gear or claimed to be a "fan." That would have been treason. But particularly when they'd go up against Dallas in the playoffs, I'd openly root for SF.
They were also classy as hell. Back in the 80s-90s they were a squad of a few dozen Don Drapers... Business-like and smooth. It was an example I wanted the Seahawks to emulate.
And we did! by the early-mid 2000s, the Seahawks under Holmgren were the true heirs of that 49er legacy. We ran the same offense, and became the same ultra-classy, top-notch outfit they used to be. After realignment, the San Francisco organization started to crumble... On the field, you saw the record decline, and you saw classless behavior like T.O.'s sharpie incident at Seahawks Stadium in 2002. Off the field, they had horrible power struggles in the front office and made a string of terrible decisions... Christ, at one point they hired DENNIS ERICKSON as their head coach.
Once again, it falls upon the Seattle 53 to smite the upstart Niners. SF has wrapped their current roster in 80s-esque sorta-throwback unis, and they are even honoring former owner Eddie Debartolo before Sunday's game.... but they can't get that Championship mojo back, and we'll be sending the Niner faithful home forlorn and depressed for the 6th time in our last 8 trips to the Stick.
So despite my history of warm feelings for the Niners of old, I have nothing but scorn and contempt for their descendants now.
The season won't end if the Seahawks lose on Sunday at SF, but the rest of it will be a whooooooole lot easier if we just go ahead and win. On Sunday Seattle faces:
1. A road game, which even though this is an away game we usually win (5-2 at SF since joining the NFC West), the national media still assumes we're Detroit Lions West when we play away from Qwest.
2. A divisional game. Last year Arizona went 6-0 against the West, and 3-7 against the rest of the NFL. Let me repeat that: 3-7!!. If you dominate your division opponents, that will likely mean a trip to the postseason (unless you absolutely crater in all your other games). Sunday is one more game to tick off the checklist.
3. The 49ers. It seems like every year they are supposed to "break through" and get back to the top of the division they dominated before realignment. Now they have preening tough-guy Mike Singletary as their Head Coach, and one win against a mediocre Arizona team has the media anointing them as Kings of the West yet again.
(Rolls eyes, makes wanking motion)
Sorry Niners, when you let us crash your little NFC West party, we took over for good. We need to party like it's 2007 and pulverize their little dreams into dust. How about we knock out Shaun Hill with a separated shoulder, just for nostalgia's sake?
So this is about as big as a week 2 game can get. Win, and we are clearly the team to beat in the NFC West for 2009. Lose? We'll probably be scraping and clawing to get into the playoffs through week 17. I prefer the first option personally.
Yes, there I am with John Carlson's folks before the game. I gotta explain that before anything else.
At any Seahawks game, I'm what Wilco would describe as "an ocean, all emotion." I get really wrapped up in the utter awesomeness of everything around me... the beauty of Qwest, the exhilaration of being surrounded by other Twelves, and the excitement of getting up close to the players before the game... This can lead to me becoming a bit foggy in the ol' brainpan.
For example: About 45 minutes before kickoff, a very tall man comes up to me and starts asking me about my tickets. At first, I thought he was an usher about to give us the bums rush out of the seats near the Seahawks tunnel at field level. Once it became apparent that wasn't the play, I was confused by what he said next...
"Do you have the real tickets? My son's on them. We've got these."
(he shows me a pair of ticketmastery non-Season tickets)
"Can I trade these tickets for yours?"
At this point, I think he's probably running some kind of scam, so I say "nah, I think I want to hold onto these... No thanks." Then he walks off, and I start asking my little brother what the hell just happened. He points out the following:
1. The guy said his son was on the ticket. John Carlson indeed was on the season tickets for Sunday's game.
2. The tall man and and (presumably) his wife were both wearing John Carlson jerseys.
It takes me a good long moment to add it up, but yup... Those were Touchdown Jeebus' parentals! I run down to their seats, and attempt to gracefully backtrack and hand over my tickets emblazoned with their son's likeness. I give them the info about my blog, my e-mail address, and my US mail address in case they felt like getting JC to sign something and send it to me... So if you are reading this, Mr. and/or Mrs. Carlson, I'm sorry if I seemed rude or thickheaded at the outset. I was just drunk on Qwest Field and Seahawks Mania. In addition, kudos to your son for signing an autograph for my little brother... That's JC: All classy and touchdowny.
You can get the hardcore analysis of the game from Field Gulls or Addicts, so I'll leave my take on the game itself at this: The Twelve Army came ready to shatter eardrums and scramble mind grapes. It's not an exaggeration to say that the Qwest crowd directly killed at least one St. Louis drive by inducing multiple false starts, and generally the Rams looked rattled, nervous and about as poised as Mr. Burns on an ether bender. We should all be rubbing our hands together menacingly at the idea of Jay "4 ints" Cutler coming to town in two weeks... Mu-ha-ha-ha!
I also got to meet Mark Tye Turner, author of Notes From a 12th Man. Awesome guy, and he wrote an amazing book (which you can buy at amazon through the link at the sidebar... hint hint). Here we are being super dignified:
Finally... Greenman!!!! I'd like to think he was inspired by my marching orders, but he said he was on the clock for FOX/FX to promote It's Always Sunny...
Today was probably the most fun I've ever had a regular season Seahawks game, and we're not talking about a small sample. For me, it's on a plane and back to Ohio on Monday. I'll probably post again on Tuesday, and keep your eyes on Field Gulls for my inaugural post there as well.
I'm ecstatic to announce a new partnership with Field Gulls, THE definitive analytical Seahawks blog in the universe. I've been asked to contribute occassionally, primarily as the "Denver Broncos 17 Weeks of Failure" Correspondent. I'll be checking in with our Denver pals every week and breaking down the myriad ways they manage to simultaneously suck AND blow, as well as updating how that crapulence translates into first round gold for Seattle in 2010.
So stay tuned for updates! DKSB is still my home, but I'll be crashing on Field Gulls' couch a couple nights a week.
@rainnwilson that video may qualify you to raise the 12th Man flag. - Matt Hasselbeck, on his twittah feed.
Yeah, we kinda gotta make this happen in 2009, don't we? It'd be easier if NBC was showing one of our games, of course. Peep him on the XLIII pregame show here as well...
I'm a life long Red Sox fan, and I've been to Fenway Park twice. It was an amazing experience each time, but I can say without a doubt it's at best #2 on my list of sports cathedrals.
Qwest Field is not only the most beautiful/best venue in the NFL (and possibly all of professional sports), it's also the loudest and most intimidating for opposing teams. I've been lucky enough to be at Qwest for the NFC Championship and the Wild Card wins at the ends of the 2006 and 2007 seasons... I've seen and felt 67,000 Twelves go absolutely bugfuck crazy many times, and I've seen visiting teams crumble under the combined assault of the Twelve Army and a talented Seahawks team.
That's important to understand... As powerful as the home crowd at Qwest can be, it's a supplement for the team on the field. Us Twelves can give the men on the field that little boost they need from good to great, but we can't make a shitty team win on our own.
I truly believe that in 2009, we have a very good bunch of 53 guys that will go out and kick ass for us, and there will be many points this fall/winter that the Legions of 12 can make that tiny bit of difference that can turn defeat into victory for the Seahawks. If you didn't already know, here's how: The 67k at Qwest scream as loud as they can when the enemy has the ball. That noise, amplified and concentrated by Qwest Field's unique design, can absolutely paralyze the opposing team and provide a huge mental edge/psychological boost to Seattle's defense.
How can you help? Here's a primer for being an effective Twelve... If you've never been to Qwest, but are fortunate to have tickets to the game Sunday, read this carefully. If you're a grizzled vet like me, consider this a refresher course.
1. Take care of your voice before the game. Drink tea with honey on Saturday if that is your bag... or you can spend some time huddled over a humidifier... Trust me, your throat will thank you Sunday afternoon. Try to limit use of your voice, or at least cut out loud whooping and hollering, for the 24 hours before kickoff.
2. Preserve your voice on gameday It's fun to scream and get all jacked up before the game, but you really should save it for those key moments where the Seahawks D needs your voice. Particularly during the pre-game intros, clapping without screaming is just dandy.
3. Know your spots If you yell ALL THE TIME, your voice will be blown out by halftime. Keep an eye on the guy on the sidelines with the big orange mitts... by observing him, you can tell if we are in a TV timeout... DON'T WASTE YOUR VOICE during TV time outs! Also, for the love of Goodell, shut up when Seattle has the ball. Sure, celebrate AFTER a great play, but when Matt and the boys are at work.... SHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Ideally, start screaming down at Marc Bulger and his minions while they are still in the huddle, and sustain it until the snap. If you sense that you are fading, save your voice for 3rd downs when the D can make a play and get off the field.
4. Drink plenty of liquid Water, beer... it's all good, and will keep your voice going a little longer. Why not try a delicious, refreshing Jones Soda? hint hint... (If you'd like some Jones Soda for your tailgating party or post-game celebration, consult the links in the sidebar.)
Hopefully, at about 4:30 Sunday afternoon, you'll be walking out of Qwest trying to scream "SEAAAAAAAHAWWWWWWWKSSS!" If you did your job, your voice will be giving out on you at this point. Congrats... You've done your job, Soldier of Twelve.
You can be the difference between victory and defeat. Not many spectators can say that, can they? In Seattle, we do it all the time.
Any other tips/advice/strategies on being an effective instrument of sonic terror? Share 'em up!
Steelers kicker Jeff Reed, looking sharp as usual.
With Pittsburgh's OT victory tonight, the "debate" about the NFL's overtime format will begin anew. It's cliched, empty-headed and boring, but let me once again explain why the NFL's overtime format should remain largely intact...
1. The coin toss does NOT "decide" the game. Yes, the team that wins the toss wins the game about 60% of the time overall, but how often do they take the opening kick and score without the other team touching the ball? 29%. If you want to make a slight tweak in order to make OT more "fair," move the OT kickoff back to the 35 yard line, up from the 30. Nothing wrong with that, IMO.
2. Did you lose the coin toss? Boo-hoo. Play some fucking defense. Jesus. This is the NFL, not frilly tea party maypole-dancing ball. People say it's not "fair" that the game can end without both teams touching the ball... I say: THIS ISN'T BASEBALL. Both teams don't get a turn at bat. Yeesh.
3. Some people actually advocate the NFL adopting the college OT format. These people have gone Full Retard. The college format SUCKS. It's not even football anymore, eliminating the punting and kick-off aspects of the game. Plus, it would MASSIVELY fuck up fantasy football statistics, which is a much bigger deal than a lot of people acknowledge.
4. Why is OT sudden death anyway? TV and injuries. The networks don't want 4-5 hour games, and the players association doesn't want a rash of terrible injuries when gassed players keep banging into each other for 15 additional minutes. The regular season OT rules should stay exactly the way they are now with one exception: move the kickoff for OT to the 35 yard line.
5. In the playoffs (wild card, divisional, and conference championships), I advocate a "first to six" OT format where (duh) the first team to score six points in OT wins the game. It can be a TD, two FGs, three safeties, etc.
6. In the Super Bowl? If one ever went OT, the first 15 minutes should not be Sudden Death. Still tied after that? 2nd OT is then Sudden Death.
I'm joining up with the mighty Cleveland Reboot blog to do preseason and weekly predictions... go check out the latest installment here, and keep an eye out over there for weekly picks... also stay tuned for a possibly major announcement that's in the works right now.
The fantasies of Seahawks fan regarding the Pittsburgh Steelers fall into two categories:
A) The Steelers go 0-16, with Heinz Field and its useless playing surface collapsing into the river. Rothlisberger goes crazy from syphilis, Polumalu's hair falls out, and Hines Ward is exposed as a double agent working for North Korea.
B) The Steelers reach XLIV, where they meet the surprising NFC Champions: The Seattle Seahawks. After two weeks of unrelenting hype, Landshark Stadium (really, Dolphins? Really?) is packed with piss-yellow towel waving Yinzer idiots, all expecting a repeat of XL's result.
The officiating isn't an issue this time around, however, as the Seahawks lay a Cowboys-over-Bills-level beatdown on Pittsburgh. As drunk Pennsylvanians stagger heartbroken out of the stadium, Matt Hasselbeck triumphantly raises the Lombardi trophy skyward... a few thousand twelves decked out in bright green and blue lustily cheer him on....
I don't know about you guys, but B) sounds better to me... soooo.....
The 506 is doing the Lord's work putting out these maps, but let me make this 100% clear: NFL Sunday Ticket is the best $250 you will EVER spend in your life. No need to go to sports bars if you're outside the Seahawks zones on these maps, no dealing with idiot waitstaff who try to switch the channel away from the Hawks... No Steelers fans to deal with, no shitty overpriced appetizers to cram down your gullet...
God, I'm depressing myself... No Sunday Ticket for me at the current moment, but I will be at the game Sunday, y'all.
Week 1 US Population with over-the-air access to Seahawks: 16.9 million Week 1 Percentage of US Pop. with OTA access to Seahawks: 5.6%
Fans of Seth Kolloen's old Seattle sports blog Enjoy the Enjoyment should rejoice... He's back, and hanging out his shingle at Sunbreak Sports... Give it a look if you have some free time.
There's a lot of legitimate reasons to think this, the main ones being Dallas' brutal schedule and overall lack of upgrades to a team that went 9-7 in 2008. But there is also a lot of wishful thinking involved, because a deep Cowboys playoff run, or, Rozelle forbid, a win in XLIV, might just destroy the league as we know it.
Jerry Jones is already spoiling for a fight not only with the players association, but also "lower revenue" owners from San Diego to Buffalo. As I'm sure y'all know, the NFL's mammoth success is not based on the Invisible Hand of the free market, but upon a carefully regulated system of revenue sharing among the league's teams (why doesn't every Glenn Beck fan out there decry the NFL as a socialist institution on par with anything Hugo Chavez could dream up? I'm shocked this hasn't happened yet).
Pete Rozelle was powerful and progressive-minded enough to persuade high revenue teams like the Giants to share TV revenues equally back in the 1960s, and the competitive balance created by revenue sharing is a huge part of what made the NFL the single most successful pro sports league in the world.
Jerry Jones is the key member of a small but influential group of owners who basically want to blow up the system that created the NFL as we know it today, and he's making it perfectly clear where he stands when it comes to the NFL's looming labor struggles.
Combine this with his petulant refusal to rationally deal with the video board issue in his new stadium, and you don't need me to draw you a picture in crayon: Double J is prepping for a big fight, and every Cowboys win makes him ever more powerful in the fraternity of NFL owners. We should be thankful that this will likely be the 13th year in a row that Dallas will fail to win a playoff game, because the huge TV ratings and merchandising revenues that a deep Dallas playoff run would generate would instantly become ammunition for Jones in his fight to wall his little empire off from the rest of the NFL.
Our boys join the fight to keep the Cowboys miiiiiiiiles away from a 6th Lombardi Trophy on November 1st. We should hope they win not just out of self-interest, but for the greater good of the sport and league we all love.
The Beard has reached an advertising deal with one of its favorite products: Jones Soda (The Official Soft Drink of the Seattle Seahawks)! If you love tasty, delicious soft drinks made with pure cane sugar, and you'd like to slide some revenue over to your humble, faithful blogger, check out the Jones Soda links over in the sidebar. I'll see y'all on Sunday at Qwest, with a Jones in my hand like so:
Isn't it hard to believe that these schmoes were once, briefly, our most loathed/feared rivals? Yeah, we still hate them, but now no more than we hate Arizona or San Fran. But back in 2003-2004? These dudes were the bullies of the NFC West. They beat us down, kicked us when we were on our knees, and then laughed in our faces about it. After the trifecta of trauma STL laid on us in 2004, which included the biggest 4th quarter collapse in team history AND a home playoff loss, it looked like we'd forever be the dirt under their hooves.
Eight wins in a row later, and those wounds have healed a bit. Even in 2008... Seattle's worst season since Nirvana was still actively smashing their instruments up, the Hawks swept their Arch-cowering nemeses. We were Boo, and they were Randall. We went from shivering in fear of these guys popping out of our closets to bashing them over the head with a wiffle bat (alright, having a three-year-old may have made me overdose on Pixar flicks a bit).
So STL visits Qwest on Sunday, and a 9th consecutive win seems highly probable. Here's the 5 greatest Seattle wins over STL, presented to give you the warm and fuzzies as you get geeked up for gameday.
5. 11/12/06 Seahawks 24, Rams 22 The Rams could have tied Seattle for the division lead at 5-4 with a win in this one, and midway through the 4th things looked bleak. The Seahawks hadn't scored since before halftime, were trailing 16-14 and playing like Night of the Living Dead-type zombies. After Nate Burleson's electrifying 90 yard punt return, the Hawks took the lead and started playing like 28 Days Later-type zombies... Rage Virus! Grrrrr!
Still, the Rams scored later to retake the lead, and Seneca Wallace had to lead us into position for the winning score... You can see the exciting conclusion in this clip... Spoiler alert: Since it was 2006, the game ended with Josh Brown nailing a field goal for a Seahawks win.
4. 9/21/03 Seahawks 24, Rams 23 The Seahawks were behind 23-10 as the final quarter began in this one, but then sprung to life like Uma Thurman getting a shot of adrenaline to the heart and stole a dramatic 24-23 win from the Rams. Anyone else think Beck looks too much like Jeff Garcia in this pic of him celebrating the winning TD?
We happened to be hosting an "end of summer" yard sale that day, and I'm pretty sure I scared business off with the various otherworldly shrieks I emitted that day.
In the academic racket, you gotta go where the jobs are, and a lot of those jobs are in places you don't really want to be. Coming out of grad school, beggars can't be choosy though. You're lucky to get INTERVIEWS, let alone jobs, so you jump at any potential offer of gainful employment. I snagged an interview at a school in the "Witness Protection" region of Nebraska, and while my pregnant wife wasn't very psyched about the idea, it beat not having a job. One big problem: they wanted me to fly in on a Sunday. During football season. Fuck.
I'm not a complete peanuthead... I wasn't about to turn down the interview. But there was no goddamn way I was going to miss a Seahawks game, particularly one against the Rams. I made sure that I booked the earliest flight possible on Sunday. I pored over gribblenation's NFL TV coverage maps. I called the TV station in the town I was headed for to make sure they would be airing the Seahawks game. I got a couple of my friends to text me updates on my cell phone until I got in front of a TV, and I packed my Beck jersey.
When we got to the hotel, I told my handlers that I needed to "unwind after that flight." They told me to meet them in the lobby at 6 pm local time for dinner, so I turned the game on just as the Hawks snuffed STL's harebrained fake FG attempt. I paced around that room for two hours, enduring a late comeback spasm by the Rams and nervously watching the clock... Imagine a guy in a shirt and tie, dress pants, dress shoes, with a Hasselbeck jersey on top of that... My plan was to strip off the jersey and head to dinner as soon as victory was assured, and jusssst in time SA galloped for six to lock down the win.
In a VERY good mood, I might have had one beer too many at dinner that night... and the next day during the interview, I probably blew it when I described my classroom style as "talk show host." The happy ending is that I'm not exiled to the forbidden zone of Nebraska, furthest from the bright center of the galaxy... and that the Seahawks won.
After that psyche-crushing 2004 season, breaking the Rams' psychological dominance was the first real order of business the following year. In the Mike Martz's final game as the smuggest, smarmiest coach in NFL history, the Hawks ran out to a 34-21 lead. Up 37-31 late, the Hawks had to punt to Shawn McDonald (who delivered the killing stroke in OT at Qwest the previous October). Deliciously, Big Play Babs forced McDonald to fumble, and JP Darche recovered.
Martz's coaching career ended, and the Rams' mental edge over the Hawks dulled into a useless butterknife of futility.
At the time, I was stuck in a very remote corner of Ohio doing a 1-year teaching gig. The nearest outpost of modern civilization, a Target store, was 30 minutes away. This game is my single happiest memory of that year that doesn't involve my wife or son... It was one of the most exciting finishes in Seahawks history; The Hawks fought back from a 21-7 halftime deficit to take a late 27-21 lead. After a Mo Morris fumble deep in STL territory, Torry Holt made a ridiculous TD catch that looked like the death blow. Down by a point, Beck marched the Hawks into Rams territory. An illegal procedure flag was misinterpreted by Scott Linehan as a foul that included a 10-second, game-ending clock runoff. The jabbering dipstick was wrong, and left slack-jawed after Josh Brown nailed the 54-yard game winner at the final gun.
Man, I love the reaction of the Rams fans in that clip... The Seahawk fans celebrating though? Dude... DON'T tuck in your jersey. Massive fail there. Everyone else? Buy some team apparel... yeesh.
I'm selling my season tickets for three games later this season... Here's the ebay page for the sale. It's slightly above face value to defray the ebay listing costs... $250 for 6 total tickets to the Niners, Bucs and Titans games.
Friend of the blog Patton Oswalt (in that he said "thank you" on facebook when I told him about this post) has a great bit about the "test of the small town." Listen:
I'm flying from Detroit to Sea-Tac to Pasco on Saturday, so I can spend a week back in my home "towns" of the Tri-Cities. I'll be off the grid most of the day Saturday, but then things should pretty much get back to normal...
As pointed out by Rob Staton on the indispensible Seahawks Draft Blog, Aaron Curry is calling for folks to join "Curry's Crew." Here's what AC said on his facebook page:
"What does everyone think about wearing lime green shirts to the home opener? Trying to start 'Curry's crew....' and lime green will be our color.....thoughts?" - Aaron Curry
Now, I might not do this... I'm not exactly svelte, and the dark blue is much more flattering to my body type than the bright lime green. I'm afraid I'd look like a radioactive whale in the green gear... but if you want to gear up and join Curry's Crew AND help DKSB going strong, order through the following links:
I'll be shocked if the Seahawks don't start 3-0. This isn't just my usual pro-Hawks propaganda either. The first two teams we play aren't any good, and then we play a decent Chicago team, but we play them in front of a horde of screaming Twelves. That should be enough to rattle a QB (Cutler) who has never played at Qwest.
Some of you might be concerned about that week 2 game at Candlestick. You probably also slather your kids with hand sanitizer every time they touch a clump of dirt. Lighten up, because Singletary and his craven minions, to use the common tounge, "aint shit."
So we shave the Rams and take their wool, we steal all SF's gold and pack it back to Seattle, where we then go all Tony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin on the Bears. Seattle will be 3-0 and we'll all be rightfully jubilant. But get ready for it... You'll hear a lot of this the week before the Colts game:
"Seattle has never started 4-0!"
"They're awful in these 10 am games!"
"They're an terrible road team!"
and so on... That dust-up a month from now at Indianapolis will tell us more about this team than the first three games combined. If the Hawks lose, it's unlikely to be any kind of deathblow, but if they win?
If the Hawks start 4-0, including a win at Indy, the XLIV talk will start... probably from me.
Don't give me this "take it one game at a time" crap either. The PLAYERS should do that, of course. But us fans? Half the fun of being a fan is spinning crazy scenarios for the season out of your brainpan... So I'll continue to fantasize about Aaron Curry and Leroy Hill being the bread in a "Payton Manning and a concussion" sammich, thank you very much.
Bonus Word Barf: As I said earlier, the Hawks have never started 4-0. How have 3-0 Seattle teams fared ofter dropping to 3-1?
1986: 10-6, no playoffs 1998: 8-8, no playoffs 2003: 10-6, Wild Card 2004: 9-7, NFC West Champs 2006: 9-7, NFC West Champs
First of all, I apologize if I cannibalize my in-game tweets for much of this post, and I have to admit that I only got to watch the first half... Part of the fun of being unemployed and living with your mother-in-law is sharing a computer with four other people. I was able to step out to a sports bar to watch the first half, and it was like 90 minutes of free advertising for NFL Sunday Ticket.
I got to listen to this pathetic clump of barflies complain about their sex lives and argue about the timelines of their various divorces... I got to watch these poor waitresses trudge through another shitty night at work placating drunk assholes in an effort to scrape out some tips... Frankly it was a big fucking downer. It was reason #1253 that I'm stoked to be GOING TO THE OPENER... Woo!
Some people might get a tad annoyed by Aaron Curry's clear obsession with the film 300, but as long as he keeps kicking ass like Leonidas himself, I don't mind. AC came out and played like Jughead in that one Archie Comic where they drew a hamburger on the ball, and a thousand people decided they needed an Aaron Curry jersey (which you can purchase at the DKSB Seahawks Shop, of course... hint hint). This kid is absolutely going to mangle the league in our names, fellow Twelves.
Mike Teel just looks the part of an NFL QB, doesn't he? I'm not ready to declare him the next Hasselbrady to rise from late-round pick to super-stardom, but the former Scarlet Knight's performance has me feeling OK about the team's depth at QB. By the way, whenever I hear the term "scarlet knights," I think of
A) Those red guards the Emperor had in Return of the Jedi B) A classy soft-core cinemax porno starring Scar-Jo... Yeah, I know it doesn't exist... but it should.
What else can be said about Nick Reed, other than he must be happy to be out of those god-awful Oregon uniforms for good? Five tackles, a sack and forced fumble is a great night for anyone, even if you are playing (snort) (laugh) the Raiders.
It's 2 am out here in O-H-I-O so I'm going to wrap this up... Another imperfect but solid performance from our Hawks, which leaves me excited to see how badly the blueshirts fustigate the Rams nine days from now. See y'all there!
The last preseason game of 2009 is just hours away. Guys are playing to make that final 53-man roster, and it's a rare chance to deliver a beat-down on Oakland. The Raiders won't visit Seattle in the regular season again until 2014. By then we'll all be trying to hide from marauding cannibals in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, which the Raiders will be used to after playing in Oakland...
Anyway, here's Seattle's top 10 wins over those nomadic California scum suckers...
10. 10/22/78 Seahawks 27, Raiders 7 9. 11/26/78 Seahawks 17, Raiders 16 The '78 Raiders were just two years removed from winning XI, and one season removed from a trip to the AFC title game. In October, they made their first-ever visit to the Kingdome and expected an easy win over the 3-4 Hawks. By the time they had fallen behind 27-0, maybe they had some idea that their new neighbors from the north had some skills. Seattle forced four Raider turnovers and stunned the NFL establishment with a 27-7 triumph.
A month later Madden's minions were 8-4, they looked to be in good shape for another trip to the playoffs.. particularly with the 6-6 expansion Seahawks coming to town. That game up in Seattle must have been a fluke, right?
Zorn hit Raible and Largent for scores, and the Oakland Coliseum crowd would file out in stunned, slack-jawed silence after Effren Herrera's 46-yard kick won the game and completed a SEASON SWEEP of the mighty Raiders for what Terry Bradshaw called "the team with that bird hat."
Oakland would crumble to a 9-7 finish, they'd miss the playoffs for the first time since 1971, and Madden would leave coaching for good. Well done, 1978 Seahawks!
8. 12/14/97 Seahawks 22, Raiders 21 The Seahawks were 7-8 and out of playoff contention, so youngster Jon Kitna got the start at QB in Oakland against the 4-11 Raiders. Seattle fell behind 21-3, but those who turned the game off after the putrid first half missed an electric come-from-behind triumph punctuated by a 49-yard game winner by Todd Peterson. Oh Kitna, so much moxie... such limited talent. I truly can't believe the guy is still rattling around the league as Tony Romo's back-up, and I've always been thankful I didn't snap up a Special K jersey when we were 8-2 in '99.
7. 11/11/01 Seahawks 34, Raiders 27 Sunday Night Football on ESPN and the Hawks were scuffling at 3-4. Seattle got a spectacular boost from Shaun Alexander's all-time greatest performance: 35 carries, 266 yards and 3 TDs. I will never forget SA taking a peek at the Husky Stadium jumbotron to elude that last Oakland defender on that 88-yard TD gallop, either. The Hawks finished the season on a 6-3 run, while the Raiders limped into the playoffs in a 4-5 stupor (and saw their season end with the "tuck rule" game. Yes, they got screwed. But as I've said before... fuck the fucking Raiders.)
6. 12/16/00 Seahawks 27, Raiders 24 The peak of the Husky Stadium days. Despite a 5-9 record at the time, we gave the AFC West Champion Raiders all they could handle. Y'all might remember this: trailing 24-19 in the 4th quarter, Ricky Watters broke off a huge run, but was caught near the goal line and fumbled. However, the Raiders rolled back into the end zone with the ball and it was ruled a safety! The legions of Oakland fans in attendance whined and moaned like my 3-year-old after being denied fruit snacks, but the Hawks had the ball down by three... Jon Kitna had his last memorable moment as a Seahawk when he drove Seattle the length of the field for the winning score.
It was a rare moment of joy in a lost season, and the sweet lamentations of all those Raider rooting asswedges still echo in my mindgrapes. BTW, here's that safety:
5. 12/8/86 Seahawks 37, Raiders 0 Jim Plunkett retired after the 1986 season, and I like to think one reason he stepped away from the game was the Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz-level assault he absorbed this Monday night in Seattle. The boys in blue pummeled Plunkett and two other L.A. QBs for ELEVEN sacks, and held the Raider offense to a limp 138 yards of total offense.
Side note: I was 11 years old, and my parents decided to dramatically reveal our new big-screen TV when I got home from school that day, just in time for the game... Just like Ice Cube, I gotta say it was a good day.
4. 11/28/88 Seahawks 35, Raiders 27 The first and only MNF game I've ever been to, and it was a doozy. I got to see Largent catch a TD only a few feet in front of where I was sitting, and I saw Dave Krieg rally the Seahawks for a huge come-from-behind win that was essential to Seattle's postseason hopes. Mudbone tossed five TDs that night, and we needed all of 'em. Mark Tye Turner has a great account of this game in Notes from a 12 Man: A Truly Biased History of the Seattle Seahawks.
3. 10/26/97 Seahawks 45, Raiders 34 Watch Warren Moon throw for 400 yards and 5 touchdowns! Watch Monica Seles hang out with Paul Allen in the owners box! It was nothing but fireworks that day in the dome, and Oakland never recovered from this loss, going 1-7 afterwards to finish 4-12. Then there was Darryl Williams' brutal but clean hit on Rickey Dudley... I was there that day, and I've never seen or heard anything like it: A huge collective gasp, followed by a roar of absolute bloodlust... here it is:
2. 12/18/88 Seahawks 43, Raiders 37 L.A. and Seattle came into the Coliseum that day with a combined record of 15-15, but the winner would make the playoffs. On that damp, dreary, very Seattle-like day, the Seahawks were playing for their first AFC West title.
Both defenses seemed to have brought the wrong shoes for the muddy track... The teams traded scores all day, but the Hawks pulled ahead in the 4th and held on for the biggest regular-season road win in team history (keyed by a spectacular John L. Williams TD on a perfectly executed "middle screen," which is at the 9:38 mark of this clip).
1. 12/22/84 Seahawks 13, Raiders 7 The Seahawks entered the 1984 playoffs on a two-game losing streak, and the national media gave the fading Hawks little chance to knock off the World Champion Raiders. The greatest defense in team history had its finest hour in that Wild Card game, though... Easley, Green, Nash, Brown, Bryant and the rest held L.A. to a single touchdown while sacking Plunkett 6 times and forcing three turnovers.
Knox called 51(!) running plays, and Dr. Dan Doornink put up Curt Warner numbers: 29 carries, 126 yards and a key 3rd-down conversion late in the game. In all, the Seahawks rushed for 205 yards as a team and took complete control of the game. This is still probably the most physically dominant win in team history.
If the NFL nation was a High School, the Seahawks and all us Twelves would be amongst the wastoids, dweebies, and dickheads of Rozelle High. We don't get asked to prom, and most of us are either in band, Knowledge Bowl or working for the school paper. The Steelers, Cowboys, Patriots, Giants, and Colts fans mock us mercilessly while wearing their letterman jackets, and the latest tsunami of Seahawks mockery is centered around our bright green alternate jerseys. 
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