March 25, 2008

Special Amenities of New Seahawks HQ

This summer the Hawks will move into their new HQ/Training Camp in Renton... What does being owned by a Sci-Fi nerd richer than Scrooge McDuck get you?

-Holodeck (Intended use: gameplanning next week's opponent. Actual use: virtual sex with the cheerleader from Heroes.... Let's hope Brian Russell doesn't go all Lt. Barclay on us)

-Pre-cogs (Let the Patriots use primitive videotape to steal the enemy's signals.. We've got three psychics in a tub of goo to do that for us!)

-You know those guitars that are like, double guitars? We've got tons of those.

-Cyberball arcade game... TJ Duckett will be extra motivated in short yardage situations with a ball about to go "critical" on him.

-Bottomless Pit (for all intents and purposes)

-House band? Presidents of the United States of America (hey, they can competently fight ninjas!)

-The cafeteria serves cheese zombies every day.. Yum!

-Giant Mao-like murals of Tim Ruskell everywhere

-Time machine (Upside: Can change result of Super Bowl XL, kill Sara Connor... Downside? Might create tangent universe where Jake Gyllenhall gets to nail Jena Malone but DOESN'T get crushed by a jet engine in his sleep... or something like this could happen too...)

Personally, I think the holodeck will really help attract free agents. :-]

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